Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
To be old and widowed.
You arrive home after being out.....most likely for yet another medical appointment... There are no phone messages, no new emails, nothing new for you on Facebook.
You try calling others to at least chat. The ones you actually reach have been caught at a bad time and say they will call back when they're not so busy. Guess they are always busy.
You try to keep busy. You do house and yard work like a madwoman. The place looks great,but nobody but you will ever see it.
You worry about finances. Social Security and a small pension are enough to barely cover the monthly bills. However, if your ancient car dies or trying to save up for your funeral expenses or any other emergency is impossible.
If something would happen to you and you were incapacitated, how long would it be till someone noticed?
You look in the mirror and see the ravages of time,grief and pain in your face and body.
Worst of all you miss the love affair with your beloved spouse. His touch,great hugs,his voice,being told he loves you so many times. You realize that part of your life is gone forever.
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Today I feel grateful. Grateful for my dog Blue (Blue Jean Baby Queen, Prettiest girl I've ever seen). Grateful I'm still kickin'. Grateful I'm finally taking responsibility for my health. Grateful I own my home. Grateful for good friends and neighbors who watch over me. Grateful to God for His everlasting love and patience with me. Grateful I survived the 10 years since my wife of 30 years...
Keep focusing on today, one day at a time.
Hugs
Hugs back to you.
Your description of loneliness hits the mark. It doesn't matter what age we are. We've lost our loves in ways no one wants to contemplate. And it wasn't by choice...that's the part that sticks. Nothing we do will bring it back. Whether we are surrounded by many friends, or few...whether we have children, grandchildren, or none at all...the loneliness for our person and who we were with that person is so hard to accept.
Newly widowed in June and the days are a hit and miss lately with waves of emotion. The 'silence' is deafening .
I am deeply sorry for your loss, I understand as do others that have lost loved ones as well.
Each day I pray that it will be better, but I realize that I 'owe' my husband this time to grieve with respect for him. He was my Love, my Life , and my best friend. That loss of confiding,the touch without words knowing what he was thinking and vice versa, Just knowing we were there for each other, are all treasured memories I have now. Our children are a reminder of our Love . We support one another differently of course, but the best part of my husband is in both of them. That is comforting in of its self.
Breath in this grief, it will one day become your healer. Painful memories will fade, with the Love and laughter of the joyful memories you shared with them and your loved ones. There is no time limit, because they will never ever be forgotten.
"Poor me" days are what you are allowed to have. Take care of you a little bit.
Learning about myself is something new for me . Spending so much of our Life together being a Mom, wife, friend , lover , It now has me asking my self what do I want now? Who am I now? Realizing that I must take time to figure this out . Being one half of what was a whole is shocking. So more then ever wanting to fully accept this process of grief, because anything to shorten it or rush it might not be the best thing to do for a proper healing.
Everything you mentioned I live every day as well, My forte was cooking.. I took great pleasure in inventing and making the best meals for us. (now), I eat on a whim, if at all, somehow , the food doesn't taste the same without his input or pleasure. He would balk at me for what my habits are now with cooking and eating. The simple pleasures of our life are just not meaning the same without them. So I trust time will help, learning to be alone, smiling with thoughts of them everyday.
Migs
I also loved cooking and baking for Tom. He was firmly of Irish descent. it was a wonderful day when I mastered Irish soda bread "as good as his grandmother's."
It's true there no longer the joy of cooking. We both are quite new to this grief stuff. May God help us to figure out where the heck our place is in this new life.
Hugs.
You are so right, where do we fit in now. Each day is quite the adventure in emotions.
I never did get to master the Irish Soda Bread, must of been my grandmothers (little of this little of that ) never exact amount of
any ingredients all from her memory. That's how I learned to cook,
observing and tasting. It proved to be the best teacher , forced the taste buds to be on overdrive :)
Keep the faith, tomorrow will be today and today will become yesterday like one step at a time.
Hugs Migs