feeling blue, nothing new...
its been over a year, really the first year was a blur. Perhaps it was from all of the tears. Crying most days and very zombie like other days.
This year sucks, maybe because i’ve Finally figured out how to cry away from everyone. On the way to work, I. The middle of the night, just before dawn... no one is around anymore. It felt like they left after a month, but really they would at least check in. Now I’m old news, no one really checks in anymore. Everything feels forgotten and I’m left here shattered into pieces. Which way is up? I don’t even know anymore.
I feel even more alone this year. The teenagers are back to there rooms talking to friends. Not even pretending to offer company anymore. Ah just venting, I’m sure people I normally talk to are tired of hearing my same complaints.
Good Morning All, I ventured out yesterday for a little while. As I looked up at the sky it looked foriegn to me. The moon did not appear the same either. At that moment with tears filling my eyes I realized nothing looks the same to me anymore. This strange painful journey I am on has somehow changed the whole world around me. It feels like I am in a strange land . An Alternate Universe. I am...
jean died in my arms 15 months and 8 hrs ago. its a beautiful day here in fl. the pool is 83 degrees, birds are nesting, jeans plantings are coming into bloom and i still cannot find joy or happiness without her