My sincerest sympathy goes out to you. This was similar to my aunt and her boyfriend, they were together many years and never married, but just the same he was respected, loved by our whole family and I even called him Uncle Dave, and when my aunt passed on. I kept in touch with him, calls, birthdays, holidays and Yes! even family reunions which there were many. I never question about their marital status plans, I accepted them for what they shared, love with each other and what they both were to me. No explanation need. Hugs to you and soo sorry for your loss. Phyl

I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand what you mean though. I lost my boyfriend in July, he was the love of my life and the one I hoped to marry, raise a family with and grow old with. I still can't say I'm single, it's coming up to a year but it just feels almost like a betrayal to him to to say I'm single. I certainly don't feel single as my heart still belongs completely to him. I know what you mean about as we weren't married people expect you to get over it quicker and just move on, just because we never had a piece of paper saying we were legally married does not make it one bit easier. I wish there was a word to describe us, the one word I'd pick to describe myself is simply heartbroken.

I was legally married to my husband for 40 years, but now I'm married by the heart and not the legal system. I consider myself married in both cases. I advise you to feel the same way if that's how you feel. You don't need government permission to be married, just to collect the benefits. Sharon

My thoughts? You don't have to answer any questions, you don't have to classify or label yourself or your relationship. What you feel is what you feel, period. Screw what "society" thinks. Marsha

Hello. I'm a widow of almost 7 months now, man every time I write that it's like the first. The hair on my neck stands up it seems. My skin crawls. Not because of the label, because it is label for me that wouldn't otherwise be if my husband had lived. It offends me simply because of what it's definition is. You darling were married in your heart (I'm assuming) and God saw you as married biblically if you were sharing children and obviously your bodies. You are as much his widow as I am Franks in my opinion. I used to think "widow" meant you had to be elderly, not 45 like me w five kids youngest being three. There are younger widows here than even me, some with tiny babies. Don't let it concern you too much or make you feel somehow less entitled than a "married" widow.
I am very sorry for your loss and pain
Cindy

I never understood how people could live together for so long without being married, especially if they have kids. My son works in a lawyers office and it's sad because only about 11states recognize common-law marriages and you will not have the protection of social security.

One of our friends at the cancer center had been together with his "fiance" ( that is what he introduced her as to us, lol ) for over twenty years, had two kids. Even though he fought cancer the last three years of his life they never got married. They only got engaged a few days before he died, but they never married. Both great people, but she cannot collect social security because Missouri does not recognize common law marriage and the ssa uses the state criteria for that.

I don't see what the big deal is in not getting married. Hey, I'm oldschool :)

Bob

I am sorry for your loss. I was married to my kids father. I am sure you feel the same that I do. It's hard in so many ways. People have their reasons for not getting married. Probably fear. Maybe you just didn't see the importance. You are in my prayers. I say consider yourself a widow. You got the same short end of the stick that those of us who were married got. It hurts and you have to go on. I hope for the best for you.
There are many different religious views and ceremonies for marriage. I agree with Bob on this, though. If you don't get benefits, that just stinks!

Thank you all for support, thoughts, and prayers. Brad had previously been married to his daughters mother, but that ended pretty badly. I have always thought that he was just scared that if he married again it could end in the same way. It bothered me for a long time, because if it had been up to me we would have been married years ago! :) but after a while I realized that really it was just a piece of paper and all that was really important was that we were together. The name was important to me, but we talked about me just going and changing it to his last name. I doesn't bother me so much about the SS, if we had been married I probably would have just put it all away for his daughter. He struggled with his health the past few years and wasn't able to work the last 6 months of his life, so I was the only one working. I wouldn't have felt right taking the money when really I didn't necessarily need it. But if we had been married i would automatically be the executor and that would have made the legal stuff a lot easier. We, well his family, is still dealing with the legal side of things and we haven't been able to sell his truck or anything like that. But I really do appreciate all your kind words. I do feel a lot better now about it. Thank you all so much!

I believe in your heart you are grieving the love of your life...so for now a simple no will stop the questions.

Yes, and the best answer that fits for me is "If you will excuse me, I really don't like to talk about it." Somehow they have gotten the hint.

Besides, what are they going to do with your information anyway?