what is wrong with your father?

My father has dometua and he doesn't know how to care for himself

ok..... don't tell them about your dad, right now. jobs are hard to find ... for me..(age)...can you try any kind of home health care...Social Services can give you an idea, if he qualifies, they also have adult day care. when I was caregiving... I worked at Walmart 3rd shift... 10 pm to 7 am....stocking. I would give my husband his meds, put to bed.... work all night.. be home before he woke up. feed, give him meds...go to bed,

Wish I had something concrete to offer on the job front.

As for finding the right woman? She will find you. You do not want a woman who doesn't admire what you are doing; it's brave. Your son will come to realize that as well.

Everybody has their own belief system, but all I can tell you is that prayer works for me...every time...just not in my time...and sometimes the answer is "no". When that happens? I find things fall into place in a way that is better than my plan.

Case in point...my husband's death. I hate that I lost him, we were just beginning to have time to really enjoy life together, but I sincerely and deeply believe that the many things that really troubled him, are no longer doing so. I believe he knows he is loved and he is happy.

My future is cloudy, but I have faith that all will be well. I believe you will be too, and that your despair will be lifted and joy will return.

I am sure you are very courageous. To look after your father as best you can is admirable. But first things first. Your loss is too recent and your grief too raw to tackle everything together, one thing at the time. One goal at the time.

As Sandee suggests, try to find a find a care solution for your father (I can't help there because I do not not what is available in your country). Then look for a job (best not to mention your father's illness at first especially if employers are prejudiced).

When you feel ready, work out or take up some physical exercise that is always good for one, it makes us feel in a better mood (endorphins I guess). I have started to walk and swim again after 4 months of total apathy and absolute grief which robbed me of any enthusiasm and strength. Straight away, I started to feel more alive.

You are a young man and you will find, in time, a companion who will admire your dedication to your father and to your son, even in the most difficult of circumstances. It will happen but it takes time, but then again time is on your side.

Big hug. We are all here for you.
Viviane

Drew, you are doing what I sometimes do by mistake - you are balling all your problems up together and it makes them seem insurmountable. You have to take a step back, make a list of each and then try to address them one at a time. It seems that first and foremost that you need help with caring for your Dad.

I searched on where you live and Alzheimer's, and I got a bunch of sites that may help you. Here are a couple to check out:

http://www.alz.org/altn/in_my_community_support.asp

http://www.homeinstead.com/692/alzheimer/Pages/AlzheimerandDementia.aspx

There are also online support boards here at Daily Strength you may want to check out, too, including one for Dementia:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Dementia/support-group

I think once you have some back-up taking care of your father that other things will becomer easier and start to fall into place. Then you can address the work and social life issues you have, which in turn will make you a stronger and happier person I think.

Don't be discouraged as far as the long-term possibilities for companionship. When my husband died, people said "you'll find someone else" (I wasn't looking) and my response at that time was to point out I was 50, not some hot young thing, and oh btw, I have two disabled sons - who would want me with all that?? But I did meet someone, a widower, and he and I are now married.

Happiness is as inevitable as sorrow. Don't give up. You can get through this, honest.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

What Martha said....Small steps. Though with your growing experience there maybe jobs available in independent living communities you might consider. I know in our area they are always looking for compassionate, caring people to fill positions. Even in non-certified positions, also you will meet coworkers of the same sort, caring and compassionate.

So many questions and not enough answers in the world of grief...Just take it a day at a time and all will fall in place...

That is really nice that you take care of your dad. If you want to date, find a nurse or someone in the medical profession that will see how good a person you are. I think that is the kind of woman that would actually get what you are doing.

Maggie

Honesty is always best. If you want someone to be with you then you have to let them know who you are, really.
Alzheimers is a tough deal and I encourage you to get some help. You need a break and someone who knows how to handle an Alzheimers patient.

Drew, it sounds like you are starting to consider possibilities in the future and how to take care of yourself. That's good.

Drew, I agree with mel40, it does sound like your looking towards the future! This is a big step in the grieving process. We do need to look forward, but we must live in today.

So pick one thing to look at each day. For example, what would be best for you? Perhaps looking into some supportive care for your dad would help you best, or maybe starting an exercise program. But just pick one thing. Exercise is a good place to start, just a brisk walk can really help.

You are doing well! You have turned a corner, with each step you start to feel better and better!

Thank you for all your replies. First off I do have extra help from a home health group but they do very little when it comes to certain things. they are their about 3 hours a week they may give him a bath twice a week. I don't feel overwhelemed with what I am doing for my father. I just worry that I will not be able to find someone that will date me, knowing what all I do for my father. their is no way around this, I cant just quit taking care of him and I wont . taking care of my father is time consuming and I have problems in the past with my past wife. She didn't like that I spent so much time with him and not enough with her.