Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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shaneslove 08/05/2015

My daughter is 17 and the doorknob of her bedroom door broke... locking her inside. It took some work... the little latch thing would not pop free with a butter knife or a debit card. I ended up sliding a screwdriver under the door and having her remove the screws in the doorknob so that we could take it off. I thought I would then be able to work the mechanism. No such luck. There was a broken piece that wasn't attached to the latch thing that goes inside the casing when the door closes so nothing was working. I got angry... wishing Shane was here because he would know exactly what to do. Thought for a moment... slid the screwdriver in the hole of the mechanism and pried until something popped... it still didn't open the door but I was finally able to get the butter knife to work between the door and the casing and popped the little latch free.

She has to sleep with her door open tonight, and I will be attempting to install new hardware after a trip to Home Depot in the morning... There's some broken stuff on my table... lol

deleted_user 08/06/2015

I have such a hard time using Morey's tools. He was such a strong - could do anything kind of guy.....it makes me all weepy to look at his stuff.

Slowly, ever so slowly I'm going through it all and giving it to the kids.

They say if you don't use something in a year, just throw it out......I can't!

Roz

slimbear 08/06/2015

From the other side of the fence--I don't cook nearly as well as my wife did. And I don't enjoy it nearly as much as she did. But I'm managing to keep me and my son alive. With occasional fast food trips thrown in. I also have to become my daughter's sounding board about birth control and things that she used to discuss with her mother. I'm sure I don't as well but I'm happy she talks to me.

I can fix things OK. Replaced the garbage disposal seal the other day. Have a bathroom doorknob that is glitchy, so will replace that one of these days.

In our situations, moms have to become part dad, and dads have to become part mom!

shaneslove 08/06/2015

Slimbear... that is amazing... and I must apologize, as I am guilty of never even thinking of it from your side and all of the things dads must do when mom is gone. It is very impressive that you are taking over her role, and more so that your daughter can talk to you... My husband was an absolutely amazing man and the best father I could have ever hoped for for my kids, but I will admit... I think my daughter would have ran screaming in the other direction at the thought of discussing those things with her dad.
Since Shane was taken from us, I have spent every single day thinking it would have been so much better if it had be me that had dies that day. He was stronger and could have handled anything... well... except the mother daughter stuff. Thank you for reminding me that the dads are going through just as much. I had not deliberately blocked that seemingly obvious fact out... but was so consumed by my own despair that it truly had never even occurred to me.
Your kids are lucky to have you as a dad, hugs to you... Amy

AfterMom 08/07/2015

I'm proud of you. having your kid get locked inside a room will motivate a mom!

loveddogs 08/07/2015

Yes whether we admit it or not we are all pretty amazing. Dad's and Mom's have been know to exhibit inhuman feats of strenght to lift a car off a child etc. I have always seemed to handle the crisis fairly well, it's after the fact that I have a melt down. And so after years of constant medical appts. dialysis, surgeries etc. I guess now that he is gone I am going through that melt down. Had no idea the struggle this would be. Hugs to all for facing that which is new and strange to us. Michele

barbarame 08/07/2015

Needs must huh? There is not much we cannot do.

simplytracy 08/07/2015

Good job! Isn't it funny the things we counted on our spouses to do? Since my husband passed away I've learned to charge my own car a/c, fly his remote control helicopter, work his electric stim machine, and use his metal detecting equipment.
Keep plugging away. You'll be pleasantly surprised at what you're capable of.

slimbear 08/07/2015

Amy,

No apology necessary at all! Thanks for the kind thoughts.

slimbear 08/07/2015

simplytracy,

Your husband had an interesting collection of things!

My wife had been taking oil painting lessons and was getting to be quite good. I had been thinking I would take lessons with her someday. Maybe I still will. I have all her paints, brushes, easels.

cliffskat 08/07/2015

@slimbear, yeah the role-reversal stuff can be a challenge. I found myself having all the "man-to-man talks" with my sons, too. Yikes! I think I did okay, but that was something else I sure hadn't figured on doing!

Hugs....

astro42 08/08/2015

I think that was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with since my husband passed. I relied on him for so many things. My daughter's car broke down a couple weeks ago. She called me crying and not knowing what to do. My first thought was that I wished my husband Bryan was here to take care of it. He always knew just what to do. So I told her it would be okay and I would take care of it.

While she was at work, I had the car towed to the repair shop to be worked on. Loaned her my car to drive. She got the car back and it completely died a few days later, again. Needed a whole new motor. Wasn't worth putting any more money into. So I loaned her a little bit of money for a down payment on another vehicle. She's all set now with new car that she loves.

Everybody tells me I'm strong. But I'm just not feeling it. I feel so over whelmed every single day. Thanks for sharing your story. It gives me a little bit of hope and encouragement that I can learn to deal with the things my husband always used to sort out.

mrcliny 08/09/2015

Ok, just so you know for the future. Most inside door knobs, have a small hole in the center of the knob. Should someone lock themselves in, all you need is a small skewer from your kitchen. Place it in the hole and it will pop the lock.

shaneslove 08/10/2015

MrCliny,

Thanks... I do know that.. the spring and a piece of metal inside the doorknob mechanism had broken though... so it wasn't actually locked per say... it just was broken and not working properly. Door knob turned fine... but with out the spring and with the other broken bit... it was NOT functioning properly. I do appreciate the tip, but that would have been an easy fix... I wish it had been that... LOL

jenniferalves 08/10/2015

Shane was there and probably why the idea came to your head. Danny had the tv and stereo on voice activativation (x-box) it kept shutting itself on and off, freaking me out. I had to reboot the system and then put in the password. Um... I spent close to 20 minutes putting in every password he used or we used with no luck. I started to cry and thought please Danny. Then within a few seconds a password came to mind that we used as a secret code to say I love you. it worked. I like to think it was Danny telling me he loved me.

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