I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time. We can all relate and I still can't believe how much I cried in the first months (and still am apt to burst into tears at any random trigger). I hope you find a little peace and comfort through this group. It has certainly been a huge comfort to me.
As for the house, I can honestly say that it is only now (after 8 months) that I am even remotely interested in setting the house to rights. It really doesn't matter. Just do what you have to. The house will wait. Mine was a disaster for many months.
Warm hugs. Sandy

Hello, Ygoon. I see that you just joined DS today -- is your loss very recent? I am so sorry to hear about it, and the despair you are feeling. I just want you to know that for most of us, that "just waiting to die" feeling passes/changes eventually. We find pleasure again in various ways, though nature, our families and friends, pets, gardens, religion, etc. It's not the life we had before, and we also miss that. But the rawness of loss will pass and you will feel like you have accomplished something important by going through it.

I wish you peace, and send a hug -- Alice

I am so sorry that you are in the pits of deep grief, for your loss.
You have come to a family here of loving,caring friends. Give yourself some grace, don't expect too much of yourself. We will be here for you.
May I ask when was your loss?
Hug for you,
Sandra

Sorry that you are going through this. But I am wondering if it is a process we go through. |\\\\\\\\\I sometime feel the same. Before when my husband was around I remember planning with him what we would do for retirement etc. However now that he is gone I say to my self I do not want to live long, just long enough to see my kids grow up and get marry.
Life takes us on some interesting paths and we just have to know how to journey on that path and what we need to take with us on the journey. I know your husband has left behind a lot so take those memories and skills he has passed on to you on this new journey.
I am rooting for you I know you will do it. Grieve it is importing. But take that journey you are being led to. A new life without your husband physically present.
God Bless

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was like that for a few months . some times I still do that brake down and cry. It will get easier.
Be good to your self. its been a year now since I loss my husband.
May God Bless you.Vickie

Ahh . . . . deep breaths are in order. Sobbing, crying, letting the house go, letting yourself go . . . is totally the norm in the beginning. I'm 9 months into the journey and I still have to remind myself to shower. How pathetic is that? As for the house, it's a disaster as well. It doesn't feel like home anymore, so I don't put a lot of effort into my usual cleaning and organization. I've come to accept this as part of the journey. Some days are better than others, key . . . there will be better days ahead and time does heal. You've come to the right place for support, as this family of somewhat shattered and grieving folks are walking the same path with you. The best inspirational advices will come from the CL's and those that are a few years or more out. They keep me faithful that this too shall pass and there is hope beyond our loss and raw grief at present. Hang in there my friend and know that you are not alone. Big hug and prayers to you in this time. Dayna

I am only a couple months out and feel the same as Silee, I don't want to live long. Just enough to see my kids raised and having their own family. Some days are better than others. I have a great support group, family and friends but they can't get me through every moment. I hope that you are able to find some peace.

Hi! I am so sorry for you loss. You have a found a wonderful site and all of us are on the same journey, some are at the beginning of it and some are further along it. I remember those first few months where all I wanted to do was die myself. I even had a plan!!! However, Art promised me that I would not commit suicide like my father and sister did. He died from cancer and we had 2 months to talk while he was in the hospital and then Hospice. He wanted me to carry on and be strong. I told him I would be okay so he could have peace of mind and pass peacefully. He died on May 19th of this year. This is the hardest journey I have ever been on. But I am having more better days then bad and have found some hope for the future. Time is your best friend right now. We all get what you are going through. We are here to help and support each other. Sending you a big hug. Sue

As everyone has said; we are HERE for you.

We have all been through this challenge and we know what it feels like.

We ALL are on a mission to make our lives whole again. How long it takes and where it will happen; who knows!

I, too, cry at random things and at random times. I've stopped trying to figure it all out and I just GO WITH IT!!!

I've learned over the past 20 months that it feels good to just LET IT GO!!! Even if I'm all alone......I talk to Morey and then I just cry it out!!!!!

WHY? WHY? WHY? We had a plan, a good one, to be very old together and sit on the porch, in our rocking chairs - TOGETHER!!!! He broke that promise!

Take care,
Roz

My husband passed from cancer and my life became waiting to join him. It's not unusual for us. Being here without them seems a waste, but it does change. The pain and loss followed by loneliness is hard to get through, but we do. Mostly we survive moment by moment until we begin to see the clouds separate and hope begins.

This group is a source of strength you can depend on. I know because I am one of its survivors. Visit with us often and know you're not alone. Sharon

My loss was three months ago.

I lost Al on Nov. 9. I just want to run away -- from our home with all the memories, from our couple friends, from everything in the hopes that I won't cry so much and get into a different life. I know Al wouldn't want me to cry all the time. I also know I can't go forward with the rest of my life in these surroundings. Gosh - has anyone else felt this way?

Norske1! Who hasn't would be the better question. As much as I love Montana it can be very depressing when the nights are long. Only positive is we have sun all most all the time. I however have no wish to end what has been a wonderful and rewarding life up until a few months ago. There is much more living to be done and I want more than my fair share of life. Party on Garth! Don't be partied out Phil! I see a bright future for all of us that will allow it into our lives! This is a painful period in our life but it does not have to be a forever thing. Only if one chooses! I'm going to get through this painful lesson and make some new lady a happy camper! I now see what is important in life and what it is really all about. If we were meant to be alone we would all be asexual and with no differences between us. My 2 cents worth and I'm sticking to it! Peace to all and choose your path!

Dewey

Hi, and my deepest sympathy to you and all who are experiencing the deepest pain of our lifetimes.
Nearing the 18 month mark, I have felt the hope, despair, anger, longing, and, yes, the desire to just join Sharry, and leave a world that at times feels too foreign, and pointless to continue in. In my case, though this hopeless feeling would find me quite frequently, I instantly knew that I could not leave my son, who being autistic, depends on me for his every need, especially the love that we both gave him every day of his life. I also began to see, that even though life will never be what it once was, that what we can do for family, friends, and even those we have yet to meet, makes our continued physical existence here of more value to those around us than we can see, while in the depth of our grief. It can be so hard to focus on the world around us, when our lives have been shattered beyond what people who have not experienced this first hand, can even begin to understand.
We will always grieve the loss of the one who was so much a very part of who we are, but there is a slow and at times, uneven healing, that begins to take hold, and gain momentum. Sometimes the only way to see our progress, is by looking at where we were at the beginning of this living nightmare, and where we are, as time passes. For everyone, the timetable will be uniquely your own. Please hold on, and know that you will feel better. One of the most important things to remember, is that letting out your grief, at a place and time you are comfortable doing so, is essential in healing. We have earned the right to feel whatever we feel, whenever we feel it. I wish you all healing and the hope you all so much deserve.

Robert

I, also am nearing the 18 month mark. This Christmas was harder for me than last year. Why, I don't know. I am happy that 2014 is coming to a close (a little more than 2 hours from now on the east coast). I am still sad and miss my husband, dearly. My children and grandchildren keep me wanting to continue and move on with my life. Grief and sorrow this intense and deep I wish on no one. But, I believe we will all move forward one step, one day, at a time. May you all have a blessed and healthy 2015 filled and with strength, courage, love, peace, joy, and happiness. Geri