Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I keep hitting it, with Rics mum. In the early days she was very open; in the last 4 months she won't talk about him, I feel like I'm treading on egg shells if i mention his name. She tells me I shouldnt cry in front of my son; I can't help it sometimes, and my grief counsellor says I shouldn't hide it from him. On New Years Eve Day, I had a bad meltdown, she had been calling all day, I couldn't answer, as I just sobbed all day. When I txt her to tell her why I couldn't answer the phone, I got no reply. She hasnt contacted me since. I've written her a letter telling her my true feelings, that she's made me feel like she doesn't care, but I daren't send it, in case it breaks the relationship forever. I'm sick of hiding how I truly feel, putting on a front, I know she's grieving for her son, but I'm grieving fort partner too. Should I send the letter?
I was raised that way, never expressing my feelings in public. I'm 55, but was raised and shaped by the older generation. My father is 84. I still remember an America where people didn't casually hug. Then the 70s came alone and some guy wrote a book and now everywhere you look people are hugging near total strangers.
She's not likely to change. It's just the way things were back in the day.
I wish you MIL could be there for you the way you deserve and her grandson deserves too. I think that Truhal is right though, that people of older generations do not cry opening like we do. Actually Greg's mom was in shock for a very long time, and just now is getting to the greiving actively, with alot of encouragement from me for her TO cry!
It's so hard to hear her say the things she does, and tell you what "she" expectsof you i know. All you can do since i know that you do love her is to let her know that you respecther feelings and the way that SHE grieves is right for you and you know that, but YOU ANDF YOUR AND HER SON'S SON have to grieve in the way YOU are comfortable with too.
I'd write the letter, and I'd read it. then I'd put it away until a time when YOU feel ready for it. by that time you may have talked this through with you MIL and there will be no need to ever send. But I find to get it down on paper, even if I DONT send it, HELPS.
HUGS and either way you go, go with your ehart, and it will be the RIGHT decision.
Diane