Joe, I have to admit that I often used the term "typical male" in the past. Once I met my husband, I never used that expression again. He opened my eyes to the fact that the few men that have "wronged" me in the past were just that .. a FEW men. There are many many good men out there.

I have no intention of entering the dating scene again, but do agree with you about not lumping all men as evil predators. I think sometimes grief gets the better of us when speaking about men who have made advances.

I don't agree with lumping all men, or all women, or all (race) or all poor people or all rich people together, I agree it is wrong. What I have found that I being a 62 year old woman find that society has changed a great deal since I was at the dating age. I for one married her childhood sweetheart, we were together for 47 years and back then in the 60's and 70's people had a very different attitude towards sex. I am speaking for most men today they seem to want a sexual relationship as soon as they meet someone. What happened to morals. Now over half marriages fail, people live together without marriage and have children out of wedlock. I wll speak for myself, I am thankful that I am financially secure, have all I need, what I would want in a relationship is to get to know someone before I slept with them. Sex to me is with somebody you love, trust and are commited to each other. Why in hell should it be otherwise. We are not animals. Society has changed so much in all areas and just because it does we don't have to except what the others are doing. I am not alone, I have met so many women in my circumstance and the ones I know do not just jump from one bed to another. I am free now to do as I please and that does not mean looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. Maybe that is why women have that feeling that it is all a meat market, nobody has morals, and we are just a piece of merchandise that someone can play with for awhile till something better comes along.

Joe, I just wanted to let you know, that there are (I suspect) many of us that don't paint all men with the same brush...I have been blessed with the friendship of many wonderful men while my Snake was alive and they have all been absolute gentleman since his death. Many of them have offered encouragement, support, and the occasional hug...all of which I have accepted in the context of friendship. I have had a couple of MY old friends from out-of-state who brought up the subject of something other than friendship...one was very sweet about it, and I simply told him I was flattered, but that I was nowhere ready for any thing romantic and he dropped the subject...we still talk and he has never broached the subject again. The other one has always thought of himself as a ladies man, even when we were in High School together...he called to ask how I was doing, then proceeded to tell me he was bar-b-q-ing in the nude...which just immediately sent me into peals of laughter, which apparently was enough to discourage him, since he has not bothered to call back...lol...So as you said, there was no need for me to be vitriolic in my responses to either of those men. I'm sorry you have been made to feel uncomfortable for any reason...I hope knowing that not all of us feel the same way will help to lessen that discomfort.
Blessings, dear friend & a friendly hug, which I assure you is intended to be just that...friendly.... ~E~

Joe,
If you are referencing to the comments made in the "men" thread you must understand that being approached right after someone's spouse has died is a shocking and unnerving event. Men probably feel this way as well if they are approached to soon and by the wrong person showing interest. You are just not ready and are taken completely off guard. Even more so if the approaching is married.
Later in the progression of this journey some have chosen to completely block the possibility of finding a new life which would include a new "love". There others that have found happiness with a new partner and those of us who are open to it as a possibility. I could reasonable live another 25 or 30 years, I don't necessarily want to live those years alone. Through the love and companionship of my husband I know and understand the joy of sharing life with someone. If I was to meet someone who could enhance my life I would be blessed.
The vitriol isn't against men in general or typical, it is towards those types of men OR women who would prey on the vulnerability of those newly widowed. This doesn't apply to you and what you have to contribute to this group so please do not take offense or feel uncomfortable. If there were more men with the courage to share their feelings as a widower we women would have a better perspective. I applaud those of you who do.

Hey, I like men. I was married to one! :-)

Very well said, RiverBends ...lol... I feel the same way! ;-p

When I responded to the post, it was because the man the original poster mentioned was married and so was the one I mentioned. Yes, I found what this guy (whom we knew well) did insulting, even more so since I was a recent widow. He is a jerk, not all men. I really don't think anyone of either sex who is married should be hitting on people. There are jerks out there of both sexes, which is what I said. I certainly wasn't man bashing. Most men and ladies out there are sincere, good people.

Hi Sandra & Linda:

This thread is in reference to a few of the snarky posts on the "men" thread, in addition to the thread on "old times" that is one page over. I believe that hitting on a newly widowed person of EITHER sex is inappropriate and offensive. But after a few months, people do what they have always done. Men AND women. Sorry if I gave anyone the wrong impression here. Not all men are predators just as all women aren't "lonely"............Joe....:-)

hi Joe,
I am hoping you are ok?I have to speak up on this one. I have read all those threads. the topic has certainly been brought up a few times. the women who wrote spoke only of specific events that occurred in their lives. no one, absolutely no one here has ever said that all men or all women are nothing but predatory. these were specific incidents in which people turned here for help on how to handle. actually if you read the threads ,most people wrote how disappointed they were in feeling they had male friends only to find out that the men were feeling differently. one women went as far as to ask what she had done wrong to send out signals. there was also a gentleman here who replied that women had done the same to him.
I do not think anyone here has degraded the other gender as a whole, just specific people who have acted in a completely insensitive or Amoral behavior.
over my many months here, I have seen time and time again, women on ds praising the men here for their strength to go outside the typical gender boundaries and express themselves openly here.
I am actually more concerned with how you are doing. you have been quiet as of late and now this. please let all of us know if you have hit an unusually rough spot!
judi

Hi Judi:

I'm fine. Thank you. But not wishing to be argumentative, there have been comments that are pretty hurtful in several threads. How would YOU feel if I were to post that the thought of a woman touching ME would make me want to puke?? People need to realize that the group says Widows AND Widowers.......if it were just for widows, fine...otherwise, they ought to have a little respect........."

Joe, I've been in many situations when women have vented about men and often it was about petty things. I think that sometimes we (I can only speak for myself) are so used to this kind of talk that it just rolls off the tongue without meaning any harm and without realizing that it may be offensive to others. I truly believe the talk about men here was about a couple of extreme creepy characters and nobody was trying to bash men in general. We all know the men here are top notch!

There is always two sides to the story, but I think most of us here would agree that there are some gems out there too. It's why we're here greiving. Just understand, and I'm speaking for myself only, but some of us feel vulnerable. We no longer have our protector around. Imagine if you were hunted down like a piece of meat. you're weak and sad and there's someone just waiting to get you.

There are plenty of women out there for these sort of men to pursue. Young, happy women who'd be more likely to be available for a possible romance. Any man who's going out for a widow is bound to have his feelings hurt. Even if he ends up with a date, he would be compared to the spouse. Not a good thing.

Agree with River Bends and Onmyown.........I like men too.........married the best......just sayin'.......***

I am adding my two cents because I also read the posts and yes some did lump all men in the same catagory. I support Joe in his posts. I am very carefull when I post so as not to have any double meanings. Just trying to get through this grief and this site is a great help with a lot of caring folks. I was married for 34 years and have no desire to have another relationship of that kind.
Dave

Joe, I reread both threads and took them as anything but man bashing. Just about all the replies were from the ladies in this group, and they were both explaining their experiences and their feelings on the subject.

My husband was born in your era, the 50's. He had morals, was respectful, kind and selfless to a fault. I'm sure you possess those characteristics also.

But, speaking from a woman, in today's times men are not always pursuing women with romance in mind. In fact, very few are. I have female friends who have been single longer than I have, and yes, have dated. If you own a home, the fella thinks you are loaded. And on the date, there is only one thing on his mind. Dessert, to be polite. To add to the pile, we have to worry about STD's, or if he is hiding a substance abuse or a mental problem.

Sorry, but that's just the way it has become, for us anyway.

I live in a 55+, and have seen plenty of action from the ladies also. Some can't stand being alone, others are looking for that sugar daddy. And yes, we even have some cougars in the development. Had one lady courting two gents at the same time. Makes you wonder how she was able to play both sides of the field without getting snagged.

I sympathize with where you are coming from, and wish some of our male members were here or back to tell their horror stories. Bet Ol Diz would have had us splitting our sides. It would have made for quite an interesting thread.

Please don't leave us. Personally, I have always enjoyed your posts. They are honest, straightforward and to the point.

Blessings, Debbie