One thing to remember is that we don't have a lot of experience with death. It doesn't happen often and a lot of people are just ill prepared in what to say. I say that death can bring out the worst in people. There's a lot of emotion going around. Any chance you two could split the ashes? I gave my step daughter half of her mothers ashes. The rest I spread in the ocean off of Cape Hattaras North Carolina. Keeping the ashes may cause more discomfort. A constant reminder. It's not that you will ever forget or stop thinking about her it's just that your still alive and you have the rest of your life to live. You would not be disrespecting her memory if you started to be yourself and seek happiness again. That's a terrible aspect of losing someone close to you. It's like your have to start all over again. That's tall order. Takes a lot of heart to do it and to succeed. Start with being yourself. Less stress and drama. Focus on what's really important. YOU. Good night from the states mate.
Will

Wendy and I spoke about where she wanted her ashes and I will respect her wishes but taking her the day after we get them to me is to soon .when my first wife pasted away I kept her ashes with me for a year and once I was ready to start a new life I gave her ashes to her daughter my step daughter.I know people deal with death different I have my way of dealing with death myself .

When my husband died, I was stunned to discover that tiny urns came in six-packs, to divide them up among the bereaved.

I wish we had talked about that stuff with my husband. I gave some of the ashes to his best buddy. I wish now I had not. No harm: Buddy just scattered them among several places they'd gone hiking and camping. In retrospect, maybe it would have been more dignified or respectful if he'd been laid to rest all in one place.

It was with dark amusement that I watched an episode of "Desperate Housewives" in which the next of kin was a long lost niece who cared nothing for her deceased aunt's last wishes. The deceased's friends tipped her cremated remains into a box, and dumped the contents of a vacuum cleaner into the urn the niece was there to retrieve. They then did what the deceased had requested: scattered her ashes at a local baseball field.

I think Greenteam (Will) is right people do some funny things especially if the death is sudden or when someone dies at a young age. You have to decide if you want to confront her or let her work things out in her own grief. Just think about what Wendy would want and what would help you and her daughter have a healthy relationship going forward.

My husband was only 46 years old and his death was very sudden and unexpected. His brother who is an addict came running and tried to take over everything and even went as far and driving my sixteen year old son out of the house in the days before the funeral. It was a very painful time and I let everything ride until we put him to rest then things blew up and his brother left. He has tried to contact me since then and my mother in law tells me he wants to apologize. He was never a part of our life and my husband and him had just started talking and he came for Christmas the first time our kids had ever really met him. I refuse to talk to him and don't want him in my life or my children's life so will not accept his apology. My mother in law on the other hand although her actions were also not very kind I want my children to know here and continue to have a relationship with her so have overlooked (not forgiven) her behavior.

I guess it all depends on what you can live with and what matters to you in the future. Difficult people are always harder to deal with when you are experiencing your own emotion but you can do it and I think you will feel better about yourself if you are the bigger person.

Good luck and stay strong!

I have my husbands ashes as he told me i can decide what to do with them.So far they are in my bedroom,I now after 4 years still want them but our son has stated he would like some when i am ready . I know it isn't him though but still helps me knowing i have them.We are materialistic,we need to see things. Life does go on and on.Have to make the best of what we have and it is what it is.

You have a lot to deal with and I wish it wasn’t so. I know how difficult family can be and what it feels like not to have much support. My dad was cremated and my mom keeps his ashes in their bedroom. I looked at his ashes and honestly it was quite upsetting to me. To think this is what is left of my dad was disturbing to me. But please keep in mind it was my first time seeing ashes and something about it really got to me. I personally think that the ashes should not be separated between people. In reality it should be the spouse to receive the ashes and either keep them or spread them somewhere special. Your Wendy wanted for her daughter to have her ashes and as foul as it is for the daughter not to let you have them for a few days, in the end it was Wendy’s wish. I believe that the ashes are just that... ashes... Wendy will always be in your heart where she truly belongs.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey forward. Hopefully your life in Australia will get better real soon. Stay strong!

Cliff was buried a couple blocks from our home in Florida. Neither I nor our sons ever felt his presence there. We knew that was where his physical remains were, but none of us felt connected to him there. I tell you this because it might not actually give you much solace to have her ashes with you. It depends on where you feel her with you, where you remember your love together, where you think she would be that would make her smile.

I also don't think my husband's spirit stays in one place now that he is free from his physical body. They say angels have wings; where would you fly to if you were free to? The kids and I have felt Cliff with us in different places and at different times. It's been 12 years for us, and we haven't forgotten him, and yes, he still seems to show up at odd times in odd ways.

I hope you find a way of being at peace with Wendy's wishes and her daughter's selfishness and insensitivity.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I do understand what everyone is saying and thank you . When Cindy pasted away I kept her ashes for a year then gave them to her daughter Cindy died at home and so did Wendy Cindy and I had lived in the same house for 8 years before she pasted away so we had made memories there and that helped for Wendy and I we had just moved into the house I'm in a month before we found out she had cancer so there wasnt any memories there .I also know Wendy is in my heart and will always be there. As for me and the oldest daughter nothing will change she never wanted me in her mothers life even though she had her own life she didnt want to share Wendy will me .Wendys Youngest daughter has always been good to me she lived with wendy when her last spouse pasted away and saw that Wendy and I chatting through this site then on the phone was helping her mother this daughter and I will always be great with each other.