I'm so sorry for your loss Russ. It will get easier as time goes by. I think we all have said the same thing............"I can't do this"
But we do because we have to. Go to the support groups, read books about widows/widowers to learn how they have got through.
Come here often.
Hugs,
JoAnn

Initially, I was numb...on Auto Pilot. I functioned like a well oiled machine, doing all that needed to be done, although I fought nausea for a month. Then the tears started and wouldn't stop; incontinence of the tear ducts. I still cry every day, but it's slowed down. I'm at 11 weeks. My energy is coming back, ever so slowly, but it's coming.

Everyone has their own experience, that's true, but we all find it gets better.....even though we kind of hate that it does. I want him back, too, but I finally realize that's not going to happen. Let the tears come.

Russ - I'm sorry you are having such a hard time this week. Some times it is worse than other times, that's what I've experienced. And I can never figure out why one day is worse than another. I would bet that every single one of us has said "I can't do this" many times , so please know you are not alone in feeling that way. Hopefully after such a hard week you'll have some better days coming. My thoughts are with you. -Deb

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm glad your reaching out for help..... support groups do help, so don't give up on them.

What you're feeling is perfectly normal. At first, you're so busy with the taking care of the "business" of loss that we don't have time to grieve. But eventually there comes a time when things slow down and we are faced with the reality of what has happened.

Be good to yourself.....

Yes, I have had those weeks too, sorry to say. They do come less frequently as we move through the days ahead, or maybe we just cover it up better. The first year is hard to adjust to, but we do by taking it as it comes. I'm at six years in June and I still think about my husband. That will never change, but I can smile at the memories now instead of crying. So will you. Until then you can always come here and visit. Sharon

Russ... I am at 12 weeks....and your age. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. But it has to be done.. no choice. I ts good for you to cry. Do all you want to. You are going to do a lot of it. I know you don't want to hear it will get better, but it will, but first, it will get worse. You still have so much more to do. We can't escape any of it. Don't you think, if you went first, she would be having to go through this?

When you are a couple, someone has to go first. I don't think my husband coud have handled this. Therefore, I am glad he didn't have to.

I was just a few weeks ago, I was saying that, and I still do, but not as often.

I promise, it will get better, little by little...by little....

Hugs, Sandee

it felt like the cathected part of DH inside me was dying a very slow agonizing death ~
This happens naturally ~
All that can be done at this time is to grieve it out ~
Take care ~


***I am currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless ... ***

I am sorry for your loss, and I do understand, as we all do I think. There are times when the crying just won't seem to stop. It sounds like you are doing sensible things to try and cope - the support group and the therapist - those should help a bit. Counseling helped me, especially in the early weeks.

Some people find it helps to either write in a journal what they are feeling or to write letters to their spouse. I journaled - here electronically and also in a notebook (alternated between them). I found myself crying everywhere - and I needed to not do that to keep things going for me and the kids - so some days I could put off the crying by allowing myself time set aside every evening before bed to cry, remember, and say whatever I neeeded to say to Cliff. Sometimes it is the need to express what we are feeling that comes out as tears at the most awkward times. Crying is healthy but it makes getting things done difficult, so I had to find a balance. My nightly one-sided conversations with Cliff became "our time" kind of in the same way we used to have time every day to talk about our days. Crazy maybe, but it helped.

It may sound silly, but try to drink more water as the crying will also dehydrate you. Dehydration in turn will make you feel twice as exhausted and make it harder to think straight. It is one of the physical tolls of grieving. I cried so much that I became so dehydrated that I got muscle cramps and spasms.

Be gentle with yourself.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I am so sorry you too are going through this. It hurts so so bad!! We are never prepared and when the gut wrenching physical pain part of grief "hits" so early on it is so important to remember three things. 1. Every step of the way we are sure that we will always "feel" the same way and that is just not true...Thank God! At first it is so so unbearable! It will someday be bearable. I promise...
2. Early on it is all about survival. Your job is only to survive and allow yourself to "be" where you are. Your world has been turned upside down and you have lost your other half...your compass...and of course it will be unbearable now as you figure out how to survive.
3. Early on take it one breath at a time...one moment at a time...one baby step at a time...
Big hugs to you and everyone else so early on in their loss.
-Diana

Thank you so much for your comments and support. It helps alot hearing from others that understand what I'm feeling. I don't think my adult children even understand as their relationship was different than mine. Plus they have their own grief to deal with. I stayed home from work today to give myself time to grieve, but I'm not looking forward to Mother's day on the 12th followed by what would have been our 29th anniversary on the 17th.

My God Bless all of us and give us the comfort of knowing we will be with our loved ones again.

Russ

Well, my idea did't work out. y idea was to get up early, fix my hair , put makeup on, feel better, and DO this.....lasted one day, I did it Monday. Today is Friday, I slept in until 10:30. (couldn't get to sleep last night).... knowing there is things I have to do today....that I have put off all week..... but why?....I haven't even left the house all week. haven't even started the dishwasher. this is sad.

I actuallt "thought" I was doing better.

Russ, my prayers are with you. I am at 3 months and it comes in waves, some days are better than others. The nights and weekends are my hardest times. I pretend during the day just to get through work. I am currently cleaning out 30 years of stuff in our kitchen as we had just started a remodel when my husband died suddenly. He was gone in 3 days. There are so many memories here. Take one day at a time and let yourself grieve.

Russ,
I so feel your pain. I know how those first months were for me, and I did not think I could live without my dear hubby. The pain was so raw and nearly unbearable. I cried at home, at work, in the car, everywhere. However, it is now three years later. We have all been where you are and understand so well how hard it is.
Roxanne