Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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onebrokenheart 08/27/2016

Hello everyone! I have had several inquiries about my status so thought i would share with all of you. I am emotionally much better since my post, flashbacks. Wow that was one of the worst and had left me feeling so low and defeated. I really love all of you who rushed in with kindness and love offering support and suggestions. I know that your support had me bouncing back quicker than i would have on my own. That's why I keep coming back here, helps me stay centered and just knowing I am not alone is a Godsend.

Now the downside....I found out that I do not have a sprained ankle. No, I have a nasty fracture along with torn ligaments. I am going to have surgery on Wednesday. Please say a prayer for me. I believe in the power of prayer. I am not too scared of the surgery but I am concerned about the recovery. For 8 weeks absolutely no weight on my left leg. Problem is that I have mild arthritis in my right hip so I normally keep my weight shifted the left. Ok so I can't do that anymore...no problem....ehhh well they put me in a cast yesterday, no weight on that leg....well my back and hip are already talking to me and it's not a pleasant conversation. Hmm well I guess I will be staying pretty much in bed for a while. Not looking forward to this. All I know is that once I am recovered i am going to take a trip or do something fun. I think if I focus on that and start daydreaming my recovery will be tolerable.

So what about the parents? All I can say is thank God for good friends. Surgery day is covered. Grocery shopping covered. A ride lined up for my dad's next doctor appointment. That's a good beginning. Am pending return call from company that is a resource to get you help. Hope that pans out good. Well you know this delays getting my own apartment. That is ok, I feel like there is a reason I am to go through this. Not sure why now but I suspect a year from now I will know.

God bless everybody, thanks again for your loving support.

--Cheryl

emerald15 08/31/2016

Hi Cheryl, just think of it this way. You have survived and come through the most heartbreaking journey in life, the loss of your dear loved one. You have emotional strength beyond what you may imagine, so when you go through your surgery, you will do fine and recover well. Just remember there is such good medical technology in the medical field these days. Your physical pain of your ankle and your rehabilitation to walking and all will make you physically stronger. you can do this, that's how I look at it. I came through the pain and heartache of losing John, the hospital trauma and his suffering, it's hard, but believe me, just think that anything after that is just an aftershock. Best of luck to you in your surgery and recovery, and it's good you have lots of friends for support and help.
Hugs, Nanette

onebrokenheart 09/01/2016

Yes Carla you made me laugh! Bless you, you have become a very dear friend indeed. Thanks Nanette for your encouragement, I really appreciate it.

Ok the surgery was today. They took me in at 2pm. Lasted a little over an hour and they put me in the car at 5. The pain was (scale 1 to 10) was a 9. I am not a complainer and I have strong threshold but this was bad. Doctor was afraid of my allergies so I got one dose of toradoll and sent home with motrin. I can also use Tylenol. I absolutely can not put any weight on my left leg or I will tear everything out and muscles and have even worse time of it. For eight weeks! My mom God bless her, is doing more than she should for her age and ability. So I am calling in some professional help tomorrow or see if I can be moved to a rehab facility. Oh, my pain level is down to four at the moment so I can handle that easy. I prayed and as people checked in I told mom to say prayers. It worked. I tell you if it had not I was seriously considering calling an ambulance to take me back to hospital and making them take this pain seriously. Mom said doctor said if I could not handle the pain he would send me to pain management doctor. REALLY! And just how does he think I will get there? My parents and family friend are old and can not lift the wheelchair into the trunk. I have got to hire someone strong enough for that. Maybe rehab facility would be best. Can anyone give me pros and cons on this? I would like if you share experiences please.

cgriff4ever 09/01/2016

my dad had a stroke and refused to go to rehab.. rehab is good, so that you use the side that is down properly, but dont do things you arent suppose to do. I know you a little cheryl, and know you will probably end up getting up and doing something your not suppose to do.. lol... Id take the advice of the doctor. Use this time to heal, and take care of YOU!! Get well soon. Im so glad all in all the surgery seemed to go well. Love and hugs Carla

onebrokenheart 09/01/2016

thanks Carla. I found out my insurance will not pay for skill nursing facility.

I have hired company Visiting Angels. Will have someone come everyday for four hours.
Had bad scare today. My dad fell and my mom called 911. Turns out he has pneumonia. Was given antibiotics and sent home.
I feel like I am starting to run a temperature. I hope it's just post op reaction not infection.

onebrokenheart 09/02/2016

This is when I miss my Donald the most. Today is my birthday and most of the day was great. Yes I still have pain from my surgery but it is manageable, the worst part is being fairly bed bound due to danger of putting any weight on my foot. I had a professional care giver come in for four hours. She helped me bathing etc and up in wheelchair. She did my laundry and lots of small but essential things. The big plus is that I like her.
For a present to me my parents had food from my favorite Mediterranean restaurant delivered. Several friends came. One friends son came and built a ramp to make getting out of the house easier. I am blessed.
So I am wishing so that Don had been a part of that but most of all I need him because my dad is suddenly sounding worse and my mom is scared she will have to call ambulance again. I feel so helpless. I can't do anything to help. If Don were here he would help. Don would take care of them and me without hesitation or complaint. The two friends we rely on the most are not available tonight so if dad goes to hospital he will need to stay and so will mom. I will have very difficult time getting anything I need or to even open the door in the morning for the caregiver. I just miss having that security that Don would do all he could to ease my burdens. Yes I am missing him so much tonight.

cgriff4ever 09/02/2016

Cheryl, remember.. god has you covered... he's carrying you. You cant save everybody. Your alot like me, you feel responsible for everyone. If your dad needs to go back to hospital, it'll be ok. Everything happens for some sort of ultimate reason. We dont alway know, like or understand it, but it will happen regardless if we are involved or not. It's going to be ok. Im praying for your dad, you and your mom. Let me know how everything is going tomorrow. Love and hugs Carla

rebl3157 09/03/2016

I so wish there was some way I could help. I lay here reading this and want to help so badly.I'll just have to say a prayer for now. God has arms big enough to get the job done.
Rachel

onebrokenheart 09/03/2016

Carla, thanks for everything. I appreciate our talks so much.
Rachel, prayer is a beautiful gift to give. Thank you. I believe my surgical pain is so low because of all the prayers. I feel uplifted knowing I am supported by everyones prayers. There is power in positive thoughts and that power can heal.
Thank you everybody! I love you all!
Cheryl

How_do_I_go_on 09/05/2016

Cheryl, is your walker one of the newer rolling type? If so, instead of trying to push it and use your bad leg, just sit in it and use it like a smaller version of the wheelchair. Those type walkers are narrower than a wheelchair and should fit through your bathroom door. It would only be good for trips to the restroom, since you'd have to use your good leg to move yourself but it could work until your other leg gets better. If you've already thought of that or tried it just tell me to shush. Hugs and prayers to you hon. Things will work out.

onebrokenheart 09/05/2016

Hi how do I go on...
That is a good suggestion and we do have a rolling Walker but alas it is too wide for bathroom doors. The only thing that fits is a narrower Walker without wheels or bench and it only fits through the doors sideways. Unfortunately I can't manage. I do have bedside commode, thank goodness. Don't stop your suggestions you never know what might be the answer. Thank you for thinking about me! (Hug) **Cheryl

raininseattle 09/06/2016

Hi Cheryl, do you think you can use a knee scooter?
Something like this - https://www.google.ca/search?q=scooter+for+broken+foot&espv=2&tbm=isch&imgil=HUETzI38mFQaJM%253A%253BcNxLIDrAZK1kkM%253Bhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.gcastd.org%25252F645709-broken-foot-scooter-quick-shopping&source=iu&pf=m&fir=HUETzI38mFQaJM%253A%252CcNxLIDrAZK1kkM%252C_&usg=__ewcXWpsQUcUI96qvWy-cshQ5Pdc%3D&biw=1920&bih=1018&ved=0ahUKEwjF_dyY9vvOAhWl14MKHRckD2cQyjcIMg&ei=BVXPV4XnLqWvjwSXyLy4Bg#imgrc=HUETzI38mFQaJM%3A

onebrokenheart 09/06/2016

I have one. So several problems. I am short so to make the scooter the correct height the delivery dude takes a bolt out. Correct height but now the knee rest swings loose all over the place. Then it was so painful on my knee! Friends brought thick piece of foam and that helped a tiny bit. Then if that's not enough the thing is not that maneuverable. Doesn't turn on a dime that's for sure...oh AND the brake doesn't hold! I plan to try again with it to see if I can get used to it. Thanks for thinking about me Eddie, I appreciate it.

raininseattle 09/06/2016

Rollerfoot looks decent too. It's like a flat strap-on to the base of an office chair. But it is expensive and no height-adjustment. No handles! Here's their website.
http://rollerfoot.com/

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