Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Hi to all, its been a bit over three months since my fiancee passed away, and I thought I was actually doing ok, better than expected. But recently had to go to the doctor and ask for Psichological Counseling at my local Health Unit and that took me over the edge...again!
That day I realized Ive been kipping myself too busy, so I dont give myself any time at all to think about my loss. Ive been scared of myself, scared that if I DO think about it Ill collapse, Ill go down and nothing will bring me back up again.
On the daily basis, I go to work, spend time with family, read, knit... I do it all not to think about it, but still he is everywhere I go, in everything I do...and once in a while after what it seemed days or even weeks without any breakdowns, the tears and the overwhelming pain hit once again, and Im lost, feeling so utterly alone,gutted, mad that he is gone and Im still here.
And now only to complicate things, when I thought my time by hospital beds surrounded by IV`s and doctors and nurses in their scrubs was over.... my feline childhood friend of 15 years is really sick to the point that I dont know whats wrong with her or if shes even goint to survive it. My mom and grandmother both need prosthesis and I have to try to be of help in any way I can, and even that doesnt seem to be enough, its been some crazy times.
After all I wonder where on Earth do I find the strenght to keep going. Life has been so cruel already, and no matter to where I turn theres sickness and decease all around me...
That day I realized Ive been kipping myself too busy, so I dont give myself any time at all to think about my loss. Ive been scared of myself, scared that if I DO think about it Ill collapse, Ill go down and nothing will bring me back up again.
On the daily basis, I go to work, spend time with family, read, knit... I do it all not to think about it, but still he is everywhere I go, in everything I do...and once in a while after what it seemed days or even weeks without any breakdowns, the tears and the overwhelming pain hit once again, and Im lost, feeling so utterly alone,gutted, mad that he is gone and Im still here.
And now only to complicate things, when I thought my time by hospital beds surrounded by IV`s and doctors and nurses in their scrubs was over.... my feline childhood friend of 15 years is really sick to the point that I dont know whats wrong with her or if shes even goint to survive it. My mom and grandmother both need prosthesis and I have to try to be of help in any way I can, and even that doesnt seem to be enough, its been some crazy times.
After all I wonder where on Earth do I find the strenght to keep going. Life has been so cruel already, and no matter to where I turn theres sickness and decease all around me...
Sometimes we are very lucky to have no bad occurrences for a long time, then suddenly, they happen all at once. It's so difficult to comprehend.
During all of this you MUST stop, take care of yourself; making sure that you're getting enough rest, eating healthy meals and staying hydrated. I know it sounds so simplistic but it's so necessary. And, unless, you have someone who walks with you and takes care of you, you only have YOU to make sure that you're taking good care of yourself!
Counseling is wonderful idea. You're like an empty vessel, filling up with all this toxic pain and if you don't release it, it's got to go somewhere.
I hope you're finding yourself feeling stronger every day!
Roz