It is disheartening to think about...being alone. Good that your planning ahead. Although having children doesn't guarantee that we will be taken care of. I have a daughter and son. My daughter will be out of the country for at least the next 3 years. My son....need I say more. I am still young and not planning on anything happening yet. But then we wouldn't be here on DS if things went the way we planned!

My mom once told me not to worry about not having children. She said if I didn't have them I wouldn't have to worry about them putting me in a nursing home.

Jerry and I kept doing ''5 year plans'' where we would access what we were doing, and where we wanted to be. Children were never a burning desire, although people never understand that it doesn't mean you hate the ''ankle biters''!!! They thought that we were selfish - thought that we were weird, and who knows what they thought - I don't care. I love kids, and appreciate the sacrifices people go through, but it was never a priority for us. But now I am in the same spot as you. We have a neice and a nephew who are in my will, however I don't expect them to do anything more then take care of my estate - and maybe commit me if I need it - they live far away. I guess that nobody will always keep us safe, and we are all basically alone. Now with Jerry gone, I am trying to focus on one day at a time (it's hard, because I'm a big picture type of person). It gets too overwhelming - and we know that we are already overwhelmed. When Jerry was diagnosed with early Altheimers I went into my first shock - and started planning, scared about our future - actually terrified about our future. Then he died suddenly at 62 - another shock. Life has strange twists and turns, and I have to ride the waves now - no other choice. I know all of this doesn't cheer you, or offer support. It's a reality of life. Calm down and enjoy today - AND when I have my anxiety attack, please read this back to me - ok???

PS Tru - when Jerry was first diagnosed, he wanted me to look into long term care insurance. He was trying to secure my future while he could still ''think''. It's basically throwing money away. You can't pay for something that's a ''what if''. My advice is to relax and as I said take one day at a time. They are in Heaven waiting for us no matter what - good enough for me. - as I said - I might need this played back the next time I freak out - ok? xoxox

I have one daughter; however, I never had any interest in having a lot of kids. My daughter is a wonderful person, but I would like to point out that there are no guarantees that merely having children will mean security for the parents. I have seen a number of incidents of parents being put out of their homes, losing their savings, and in some cases, even being physically abused by their children. Your idea to come up with a plan for the future makes sense. Are there any other people like nieces or nephews whom you would trust to "take care of you"? Perhaps if you look into some of the organizations and services for the Aging you might find some ideas and references; there is a lot information online and probably your state has a website that you could refer to. Just as an aside, know what I am panicking about today? I needed to come up with two personal references as I apply to a "seniors" apartment building, and I had trouble coming up with anybody! Most of my close friends are dead or live out of state, and I was "downsized" several times so my co-workers pretty much scattered over the years. Then there is the whole widow thing of losing your old friends....so I now look like one of those "loners". I hope the people I finally came up will suffice. Always something for us to worry about, huh?
Hugs, laurabp

The thoughts that you have, well, I would be scared also. I am so thankful that I had the children to help me remind me of my husband, but everyone is different, and I respect your decision not to have children. I just love my children so much and I hope that nothing happens to them, it is a constant worry, but so worth it. Do you have siblings and nieces and nephews who could take care of you? You just need a good, creative plan, and not to worry about this right now. Live your life. That is what your husband would want you to do. Hugs~Shelley

I have children, but I feel alone. They have their own lives. I always felt that the only person I could really count on was my husband and he is gone. Hopefully I'll be able to count on them when I need too. They are still young (both in their twenties). Don't beat yourself up because you didn't have any.

My mother has been going to a senior citizen group with the park district for at least 25 years about 3 days a week. She plays rummy cube, works in the craft room, luncheons, etc. This group is the most important thing in her life. The workers there (younger ones who are employed) look out for everyone. Even if I wasn't around and she had no family, I think this "family" would watch out for her. Just one of the man options.

I also once worked in a hospital social work department - there are so many resources available - people just have to know about them.

Thanks, everyone for the replies. I think I'm breathing again, and yes, standing alone, I will read your post back to you if you have an anxiety attack.

Great idea, Mqould about the senior place. I need all the help I can get. I'm an only child, so no nieces or nephews.