I am only a month into this and I feel the same way. I cry at nothing and when I am in the grocery...
I want to know how to get happy again too? I am too young to live in this pit forever.

My Ben only 2.5 months and I am with you.....it is horrible and getting more so each day. How can there be any tears left........

Its been almost 9 months for me. It will get easier to accept, but the tears still hit me about once a week. Happy?Yeah sometimes I am but its not the same happy I shared with him. Hang in there!

Norske . . there is no quick fix or elixir, nor is there a happy widow island unfortunately. I get ya . . . fight or flight (escape) seems like a wonderful fantasy. This is not our reality and grief is not easy. The good news is that you are able to cry. These are healing tears (although it hurts like hell right now). They will ease up and ever-so-slowly life will get better and you will find pockets of happiness. Don't give up on your faith and hope. Without, we have nothing. As for the poor me's and being jealous of your friends that still have their hubbies . . . also quite the norm early on. What you refer to as sin is a human response to a seemingly unfair situation. Give yourself a break on this one. A fave mantra/rule I try to live by is to not allow the comparative mind to take control (as in comparing your life to others). Your journey is yours and theirs is theirs. Sending you healing thoughts and prayers . . big hug, Dayna

P.S. Talk to your doc regarding the Zoloft. You may need to be upped on your mg.

Almost 3 months for me. I feel the same way. I no longer know what happy is. I'm hope yo feel just a little some day.

Norske, the feelings you describe have probably been felt by everyone here. I am 1 year into this "journey" and find that those feelings are beginning to lessen in intensity. I have whole days where I am "happy", although the happiness is different than when my husband was alive. As was stated in another discussion, we are different people now, forever changed by a tragic event and we will find a new "norm". You can't rush happiness.......it WILL come but not necessarily in our time frame. And don't be surprised when a sad day comes back after a few months......it happens.

I am 25 months into this journey. You are where we all were at one time. You can't escape this, it follows you. When people tell you, it takes time, it does. I promise you that it will get easier, but never leaves you. You have to readjust your happiness. Happy is just a word. I have a little happiness, but mostly sadness. I no longer cry all the time. But I do find myself jealous of those who have their spouses.
Hugs.... SANDEE

Norske,

The turmoil of emotions we tend to go through with grieving can be unfathomable at times. Dealing with them is another issue..My Ben has been gone almost 9 months now and I still feel incomplete without him....
When I see older couples, I feel a mix of jealousy and yet happiness,for them. It's not having my Ben to Share everything with
That gives me the tinge of jealousy. at this point I can't go many places where couples tend to congregate....I am left feeling too sad...
.....I am working on it.
I believe you will work through it too,
Hugs....Sandra

It takes time, a lot of time.
Crying is an emotional release, it actually helps.
I'm at almost 9 months, I don't cry every day anymore.
Yes, I miss my husband very much, and I still get sad, but
I promise you, the pain will lessen.

Norske1, it's been only 9 days since I lost my husband. And I have the same feelings that you do. I even get bitter when I watch commercials depicting happy families...especially that Swiffer ad with that older couple...my husband was 15 years older than myself, but at the same time, he was only 59. Way to young to 'die'...every morning when I wake up, for just an instant, I'm okay...and then I remember..."oh, right...my live is over...' and the tears start all over again.
When I read the news about someone who committed a heinous crime, I get angry, angry that they are still alive while my husband is not.
I have never felt such profound sadness in my life...and while I have no answers on how to get happy again, I do understand how you feel. I hope that some day, we can all find some kind of peace and happiness...

I am probably one of the least jealous people on the planet.... but after Dan died that changed for a while. I would be so intensely jealous when I saw older couples holding hands and out walking together. It has subsided significantly now.
Jealousy is wanting something that someone else has. We don't want their husbands... we want OUR husbands and our old life back. You are not sinning, you are grieving . It will get better.

Thank you everyone for replying and I am so very sad we are all going through this pain.

Someone named Joseph Campbell has a quote that I read every day, hoping it will help me. So far it hasn't, but maybe if I read it enough: You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.

In the early stages of my grief the jealousy of other couples was very much part of what I experienced. But a turning point came one day(not sure when) when I could look at other couples and smile that I experienced that for 22 years and I was really blessed. Instead of jealousy it was replaced with a sweet reminder of what I enjoyed. As for the crying for me it was quite intense for the first year. I chose not to go the antidepressant route because sadness is part of the grief journey. That said everyone must do what is best for them.
How do you get happy again. I would answer give yourself a chance to grieve. It is a long, brutal process. Be kind to yourself while you are doing it. There are no shortcuts. I looked and looked for them.

Tomorrow I go to a session of griefshare, where we have a luncheon, we bring pictures of our loved one, tell a story or two of their life. I had to go through the photo albums last night and pick out some pictures of my spouse. Wow, it is still hard for me. I started crying immediately. Again I noticed in almost every picture he has his arm around me and a big smile. We were always connected, holding hands, etc. Sure do miss him.