Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Two weeks ago our world fell apart. My husband and the father of my two young teens died from extensive lung cancer. We were only told 24 days before that he had cancer. We were shocked as he had some chest pain and difficulty breathing and our doctor told him that he would be ok and never once ordered a lung xray. My husband was angry, didn't want to die and we definitely did not want him to leave either. My heart breaks for my children and for me and for all the things that he will never share with them like their drivers licence, their first date, their wedding. I miss him and I know he fought like hell to the end and I wish he could come back, but I know that isn't the case. I try and be strong, he told me that I was strong near the end when I asked how was I going to do this alone, but I don't want to be strong. I want to me again. Sorry for rambling. I am talking out loud......I smell his jackets hoping for a hint of his smell and if I think of only today I can make it, but thinking long term is enough to make me want to crawl in a ball. Who will ever love me that way again - No one..... I wish I had appreciated him as I should have... I wish I could have one more day...
Some of us gave our goodbyes... It's an incredibly hard thing to hear your soulmate tell you he's dying, to live his fear, suffering and pain, to say until we meet again. It's the finality of it all. It's a time, in which even words become unnecessary. Having your children say their goodbyes... nothing can be more heartbreaking. Not being able to do so, must also be very haunting... you are left with all that could've been said or done... There's no easy way, no best way...
Consoling us with "now he rests in peace... he's not suffering...", does not help much because we're processing our grief, the sense of unfairness, and the why? that has no answer. We are left with the need to make sense of it all, and confront many new and difficult situations alone, when we are most vulnerable and just barely making it through the day.
As you, I have photos of my sons with their dad, during his last days. As a parent, it's heart-wrenching. Those moments will stay with me forever. They are courageous and strong, and will thrive someday. Many great men have lost their father at an early age. My sons are my inspiration and strength, and knowing that their dad loved to see them smile... he wanted us to be happy (this is really tough, but we'll make it someday!)