You are posting so soon after your shocking loss, it will take time and courage to go through grief, and you will always miss him. I finally posted here after 6 months, it seems like yesterday but I could not do it before then. I am receiving free bereavement counseling through a hospice group which is greatly helping. I did not start counseling until 4 months after my husband passed, cried too much. I also felt no one could love me (besides friends and family) again and that I would always be alone, at 68. He was 16 years older and had a long life but wanted to live longer to paint, but cancer ended his dream of creating more beautiful art. But I did find someone who supports me in my sadness and gives me love, lives in another city but sees me several times a month, makes life worth living. Hang in there, take each day at a time, breathe, do something for yourself each day even if it is just taking a short walk or driving somewhere nice, cooking a favorite meal, baking cookies or watching a favorite T.V. show. Some things are easier to do than others. I could not listen to opera until last week when a new friend took me to an opera, it was my husband's favorite music. Or watch Hallmark movies like we did together. Find friends who can do a few of the little less personal things you enjoyed together. Life is more difficult for us who are left behind. God has taken them already and now we need to find reasons to continue to live and keep their memory alive. Bless you and hugs.

Thank you for responding and I am sorry for your loss. It is soon that I am posting, I feel alone and seeking answers to the many questions I have I guess. Looking for someone to say I've been through it and it's going to be ok. Do you know what I mean? I am 47 years old and he was 15 years older than me and cancer is so unfair and losing him is so hurtful to all of us that love him. I cry for me, I cry for our boys and I cry just because. They do offer counselling and I have been in contact once and I think it would be helpful to find a group so that I don't feel so alone. I came across this site when I was looking for places to talk to people in similar situations. I do try and walk daily, take the boys out with me when I do and yesterday we went together to the ocean. I find it so peaceful there. We had a nice time, but sometimes I feel so guilty for smiling or going on without him. I talk to him and tell him how much I wish he was here and how much I love him. Thank you for your reply. It is appreciated and it is wonderful you found someone to share your life with.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife to cancer almost 3 months ago. I can still remember exactly what your going thru. All your thoughts are normal. I wish I could have done more for my wife. The best advice I received is that there is no book on how to deal with grief. Everybody does it differently and deals with it at there own pace. This is a great site to see that you are not alone. People here have dealt with exactly what you are dealing with and have put it into words. I have 3 teenagers at home and my heart breaks for them also. I believe that she is watching over them and sees everything. Hang in there and take one day at a time. Ron

Concentrate on the present
It's one step @ a time
One hour, one day

Regrets, yes, I agree
We can't change what has happened.

Wonderful that you go on outings with your two young teens, that is a positive step:-)
Glad you know of a support group, it helps to talk with others who have experienced our loss.
Blessings
jdp

I am trying to not think ahead of today or tomorrow because when I do I fall apart and start crying. To think of a life without him is devastating and to think of our boys without their father leaves me want to curl into a ball and cry and ask WHY?

It has only been two weeks and two days, but I am trying to stay strong for the boys although they do catch me crying and hug me. I try and take them for walks or to the ocean or the other day we even went to the waterslides and I was happy to see them smile. The day my husband passed at home he told me don't cry, be happy and I wish it were that easy, but I am trying to do my best to make things ok for our boys....I read something today that said because my husband died I am no longer married. I find that VERY upsetting. I am still MARRIED and will be until the day I die...Thank you for listening

Domer I am sorry for your loss and I believe that our spouses are watching over us. I understand how your heart breaks for your children. I have two boys at home, one just entering high school and the other going into grade 9. It makes my heart break to think that they will not have their father to teach them how to drive or see them on their first date or to see them married. I want to break down in tears just thinking about it. I wish you and your children the very best.

Last year, I also lost my husband, my soulmate. We have many things in common... my husband wanted to live, he told me I was strong. I have felt heartbroken every time I've see my sons missing out their father (first girlfriend, driving permit, graduation, Father's Day and seeing other children sharing with their father). I took daily morning walks by the ocean and it was very healing. Writing and sharing with other widows/widowers, also helps in walking this journey. My strength comes from my husband and my faith. I know we'll be together again. Your strength will be your boys' strength. And... I feel the same way... MARRIED! When you truly love someone, the love and spirituality is a strong energy that is not destroyed by the physical death. I stay connected, sending my love and peace. (I also struggle with speaking in a past tense...because he lives in my heart and I believe the spirit never dies).

I am not sure if I am responding correctly on the site to the last response, but I will learn as time goes on.
Thank you for sharing and alwaysinmyheart. I am very sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about your husband being your soul mate. I could be my authentic self and not change anything and he loved me unconditionally. He would tell me that God made the perfect me and he didn't care that I now had the start of grey hair or that I wore the same old raggedy house coat even though I am sure he wanted to throw it in the trash. He loved me for me and I see how valuable that is. This is very new to us, but like you I feel heart broken about the things our boys and my husband will never share and I worry about their pain. I was thinking about maybe writing in a journal and it does help to be on this site and to have others know what I am feeling. My husband will keep me strong, us strong and and I will always love him. As for me I am still married regardless of what I am told or read. Death did not destroy that! I am still here loving him and he is still my husband and I am still his wife.

Same with my husband. He loved me dearly, unconditionally...we're fortunate, because that's true love. We are spiritual beings. Nothing destroys that love, it doesn't matter what others may think. Nobody needs to understand. Life has embarked us in a lifelong journey. It's hard, we struggle daily, we laugh, we cry, and it's ok. Just allow yourself to process those feelings. Acknowledge the days you are not feeling your best, and let it be. You don't have to explain yourself. Writing a journey is a great way to walk this path.
Your children.. I just asked my youngest son, what advice he would give, what helped him most... he smiled and answered "not bottling up your emotions". He was very close to his dad. Going back to school and playing with his team, gave him a sense of normalcy. Other dads, teachers and coaches have been very caring and supportive. I often talk to my sons about all those things their dad liked and used to do. I keep the conversation going on, to incorporate his presence in their lives. For those special (and very tough) dates, like birthdays, I prepare an album with the photos of all those previous celebrations in which their dad was present. We share those memories, and in some way make him part of our day.
The emptiness and loneliness is always there, but gratitude, faith and love will get us through the day! God bless our husbands, may they be at peace

Gosh......2 weeks. I am so sorry for your loss. My husband too died of lung cancer. Diagnosed on April 11....died May 19. But it's been 6 years now. I do understand how difficult it is when you have no clue that your husband is even ill and then dies so shortly after that. Just can't wrap your head around it.
I too have 2 sons.......older than your boys. They were 20 and 25 when their father died. I can't imagine if they were younger. It's all so sad.....makes no sense. I weep with you.

It is true love and I see things more clearly now through his death, unfortunately. Many things I took for granted when I now see that he was the glue that held everything together and because of him everything seemed easy. I am tired of explaining and I am tired of feeling like I have to justify my feelings. I will love him forever, I will always be his wife and I will do my best to go on even though there are days I wish I could be with him instead. ( I have kids so no thought of doing anything). I told him the day he died that I wanted to go with him, but I had to stay for the boys or I would go too and I believe I meant that. So much heartache and the house is so different and the evenings have to be the worst. Thank you for asking your son about the advice. My 14 year old seemed so angry and appeared to be shut off, but I spoke with him days ago and told him that would not bring Daddy back and that would only keep people away and that Daddy would want him to go on and be happy and not angry at the world. My husband's friend also spoke with him and he seems to have changed so I am grateful for that. The younger one who is 13 seems to be more concerned about whether I am crying and runs when he sees me. He says "it's ok mommy". Breaks my heart. We talk about Daddy and it truly breaks me when I think of all the things they will go through and all that we will miss without him being here. I like the idea about the book of photographs and perhaps this is something we can do too. I wouldn't want the day to go by without acknowledging his presence. It would seem wrong because although he died our love for him didn't. Thank you for sharing

I am really not sure how this site works still and have been receiving friends requests, but not sure what that reveals so I am a little apprehensive.

vickytic it is like a dream that you can not wake up from and because so many days have gone by you know it isn't a dream, but you wish so much that it was. Know what I mean.

We were given time to say goodbye and for that I am grateful, but everything happened so quickly. I had returned from a trip on the very same day we had to call an ambulance and at first glance they told us high blood pressure and that we could have dealt with. They started doing test after test and I thought wow finally they are being very thorough and then we were told this the day he checked himself out of the hospital. He refused to go back to stay there and he died at home with us at his side.

I know that regardless of age the death of a parent must be incredibly painful, but my heart aches so deeply because of their age and all the milestones he and they will miss. There is a photo of our son holding his hand hours before he passed and that photo rips my heart apart into pieces and makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs because it isn't fair!!!

Every night this feeling of loneliness and pain comes over me. During the day I try and cope the best I can and there are tears, but the evening is horrible. I miss him

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died of lung cancer, too.............eleven months ago. He lived 16 months after diagnosis and it was a terrible 16 months. I hope that this board helps you.....I know that it has helped me quite a bit.

Sylvia

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 41 days ago at the age of 50. I feel exactly the same way, in terms of feeling my marriage goes on. He is still very present, still in my thoughts all the time, like he's just gone to the store. I am concentrating on being grateful for what we had. Like you, in losing him, I am more aware of how very precious what we had was. He loved me without condition and I him. That's a gift from God. Patton Oswald, had a blogger write in defense of his remarrying: pain is the price we pay for love. And you know what, that's so damn true. Only by making ourselves vulnerable can we have that kind of love, and only in having that kind of love do we feel this kind of pain. I try and remind myself of that. I am blessed by having had his love. How lucky was I to have ever had it at all? The crushing pain of loneliness, of missing his touch, of yearning for his voice, his smell....when it crushes in on me I try and remind myself of that. One day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time. I'm sorry we are all going through this, but I agree with everyone, this site is a safe place to express yourself.

I am very sorry for your loss. You must still be in shock since it was so recent. My husband died on September 29, 2016 in a car accident - we were in the car together with all our pets. I still have flashbacks and relive the accident and see him lying dead on the dirt. It is beyond painful. A month or two after he died, I joined a grief support group for widows and widowers, which was a huge help to me. I also made a very good friend. I am also seeing a therapist who specializes in PTSD and grief. She has been giving me some tools to work with to cope. Try to get through each day as best you can with your kids. Be kind and patient with yourself.