I treated myself at Christmas time and it felt good..

I treated myself to a Zumba class. For a while it was me, the music and trying to concentrate on learning, plus some good activity. I felt really good when it was finished - like I had a grief vacation. Some of the other ladies said they take the class as a stress buster. May have to do it again! You are right in that we need to build our own confidence and take care of ourselves.

Hi Dear Mary,
It's really good that you are contributing here again.....I missed you!!
I agree with you, we must treat ourselves well.
The best thing I do for me is to go swimming 6 days a week.....I feel so much better. Sleep better, look somewhat better, healthier and in a good smiley mood, Yes it helps me cope with everything.
Plus it doesn't cost much....the most I paid was for the 4 lovely swimsuits I bought from Costco....it's great.
Hugs to you Mary, from Sandra

myself too, except for seans cards meant the most to me, nothing can ever come close to the cards he picked out, and the notes he wrote to me for every occassion. Yes, I believe we can do something nice for ourselves, on our husbands/wives behalf. They wouldve done it or wanted us to do it too.. much love and big hugs carla

For Christmas I received a purse and wallet from Dan (In Heaven).
I can't wait to see what I get for Valentine's Day! lol

I joined a 6 week crossfit challenge. I normally would not spend that much on something, but I needed to push myself.
Hugs, Sandi

I traded in the Ford Edge she had her accident in, got myself a Mustang and named her Kimberlin after my wife's email address. I used to cry at least once or twice a day in the Edge but over 3 weeks I have only cried twice in the Mustang. The monthly payment is almost the same but will just owed longer. I figured I could manage it. And its got the 4 cylinder ecoboost engine so I am getting a little better mpg.

As for me, I've been spoiling myself rotten -- makes my mid-life crisis seem like a mere cupcake party in kindergarten. Let's see, I bought me a two-seater sports car and added a $5,000 after market stereo to it, had a fantastic 4 day visit with my friend Carla from this site, and as far as my interior decorating phase I'm in, if I see something I like for my house, I just get it without regard to price or practicality. Well, I think my gravy train is nearing its end, but I've been supporting everyone else for so many years, I just kinda let the cork out of the bottle for myself. Am I being selfish? You bet I am. Am I being financially irresponsible? Without a doubt. Am I having fun? Yes, at least as much as I know how with Juanita gone. I know retail therapy never solves anything, and it leaves you with a severe hangover -- but what the heck, I've got nothing else to do these days. So I shop till I drop! Just don't be afraid to spoil yourself. Now may be the only time in our lives that we can get away with it without ourselves or those we know judging us too harshly. ~ Scottie

Your cousin is very wise. If you are anything like me, you have no problem being generous with others but not so much yourself. So, I am returning to an old passion. During the 80s, when I was in graduate school, I owned a fantastic wardrobe. With the ensuing years, my children's needs took precedent. Amazingly, since my husband died, I have dropped twenty-five pounds! I held on to many of those outfits and since they are now considered vintage (and I love vintage clothing!), I am replenishing my wardrobe with pieces from the 60s and 70s, too. Why not? I am having a blast (in the vernacular of my generation:))...

Mary, this is strange. I had the same experience. Very soon after Joe died, a widow came into my shop and did the same for me - she took my hands and said - I've been wanting to come in and see you - I want to tell you - take your vitamins, get as much sleep as you can get, and be gentle on yourself. I never saw her before this, nor after this encounter. And she was right. Something as simple as a nice meal (takeout is fine), a good glass of wine, fuzzy sweatpants (I'm all about fuzzy sweatpants), a movie that makes me laugh - it all counts. Marsha

I go out everyday to lunch with mom. we make nice meals in for dinner. I go out and karaoke sing because that's what I like to do. It is time for us to have simple pleasures. We are going to be alright. Hugs, Donna

I eat choc choc chip icecream w fudge on it every other night. so good.

Being good to ourself - gentle to ourself does not come easily. We have made our choices for years, putting our loved ones comfort and happiness first. To actually put ones self first is an uncomfortable act.

But . . . That said, I did gift myself at Christmas. I purchased a lovely Widows Ring. I haven't been one to buy myself jewelry, but this was important to me. I also ordered an adult coloring book and really nice set of oil colored pencils just for me! I have thoroughly enjoyed the ring, it somehow conveys the last chapter of my marriage. The coloring book has given me hours of zen like peace. Someday maybe i can go back to painting but right now that would make my heartache transparent.
I'm glad you are taking care of you, Mary.