I felt like others in a similar position as me might benefit from/relate to this or may have some insight for me. I lost my husband to suicide almost two years ago. Our relationship was rocky at best. He was generally an amazing person but very emotionally and mentally abusive several months leading up to his suicide. I know now this was a sign of mental trouble but had no idea then. He had asked me for a divorce and "moved" to our spare bedroom about four months prior to his passing. We were together nearly 12 years and married just one when he passed, and his death was an incredible shock to me, my daughter, as well as all who knew and loved him. A few months after he passed I found myself having feelings for a very close friend of mine (of over a decade) and we eventually, slowly, began a relationship. Throughout the development of this relationship my in-laws were very blatant and hurtful about their view on me "moving on". Rumors were spread, people were turned against each other and the family I viewed as my own degraded me to others. Eight months ago we moved in together and what they don't know is that less than two weeks later he was diagnosed with lymphoma.  We together have faced a battle of tests and are now facing the fact of the horrible treatments to come. (His specific diagnosis to even start treatment has been a battle within itself)

A couple weeks ago my sister in law cornered and confronted me. She said she knew I had been seeing my current partner far before my husband's death (untrue) and that my husband discovered my unfaithfulness which was why he subsequently took his life the same day. She told me his friends and family all knew me and my infidelities were behind my husband's suicide. She said any time I seem happy or that my current partner is present for anything (this was in reference to my private social media page) it was a slap in her, her family, and my daughter's face. There were more specific things I will spare here.... point is, it destroyed so much of the progress i made in no longer blaming myself for not saving my husband's life. It rewound my life to the day I found my husband emotionally.  Well... yesterday was my daughter's birthday party.  It was the first birthday my current partner was present for and the second birthday my daughter has experienced without her father.  It was traumatic to all, especially thanks to my in-laws.  They made a point to separate themselves and refused to acknowledge my family and my/my husband's friends, even when they attempted to welcome them or initiate a conversation. There were rude remarks made to people other than myself that I've still not gotten the specifics of, which made couple people actually leave (offended and hurt on mine and my daughter's behalf). 

I don't have a conclusion for this post. I just need to get it off my chest to those who aren't directly involved or (in my current partner's case) fighting for their life. I'm 36 years old, my partner is 35.  I have a long time to live and I shouldn't live it alone, right? Or am I wrong? All I know is I'm devastated that i have buried my husband and am now facing the possibility that I may have to do it all over again with my partner. My husband was dying of mental illness before my eyes and I had no idea. Now, this amazing man, incredible friend of mine, who held my hand and helped get me through the loss of my husband could also be dying before my eyes, too, yet I'm very aware of it. I'm. A. Mess. I have an immense amount of empathy and respect for my inlaws. I love them dearly, but they have done nothing but tear me down and ridicule me. It's so hard, and I just don't have the energy to defend my right to move on anymore.