Ever see that movie Carnival of Souls? It's excellent and positively creepy. It's scares me still. In it, a woman almost dies and finds herself transported, at the oddest moments, between the land of the living and the dead. When this happens, no one can see her in the land of the living. Of course this is fictional horror, but today, I found myself in a similar situation.

I was shopping in Target, watching families load their grocery carts with food obviously meant to feed more than one person. Everyone seemed so happy, so oblivious to the pain that awaits us all at some time or another. I was on my way out of the store when I realized how invisible I felt. In all the time I'd shopped, not one person acknowledged me. Not one person spoke. And as I shoved my groceries into my trunk, I was suddenly transported to a time when I was one of them. I remembered it clearly, my husband walking up and down the aisles, hands full, looking for me and the cart. When he would spot me, he would smile and load the gorceries into our too full cart and we'd move on to the next aisle.

Such a simple task. And yet I was there, almost expecting to see him any second. Of course I was alone, sittting in my car, groceries that meant nothing loaded in the back.

I've noticed my time transport happens at the least provication. Some times I'm talking to someone and suddenly I'm not there. I'm remembering a time when I said something similar to my husband. Sometimes I'm watching television and for a second, I'm back with my husband, and we're enjoying the movie, and he turns and tells me something about seeing it before, or how much he's enjoying it. Then reality drags me back to the present, and I'm alone and the movie somehow loses it's meaning.

So much sadness prevails in my life now.