Maybe it's her way of dealing and in "denial"? Or she's just whacked! Either which way, I agree . . totally insensitive. Stay away from negative and insensitive people as much as possible, at least until you are feeling strong enough to respond appropriately. Take care of self first! D

After entering this journey of loosing my husband, I realize I never understood the loss people have. I think it is different then loosing a parent, a child, a grandparent or any other loss. Until you loose your life partner, because that is a love so different then any other love, they just don't understand. I have also come to realize friends that I thought were close and would be there for me are keeping their distance..They just don't know what to say and I think say the wrong thing when they do speak. Not out of non compassion just they don't know and want to try and make us feel better..hugs to you

I know there are some people who absolutely can't stand to talk to people who are in pain. They simply can't handle it. So by shutting you down and then talking about "finding someone new" she seems to be stopping herself from feeling your pain.

It's sad. But in previous generations lots of people just did not learn how to talk about sad things or hard things. They just moved on and never dealt with things at all.

People will never cease to amaze. Let it go, it is not worth responding to. Take care of yourself and avoid you aunt until you are better able to handle a trip into Neverland. People are just insensitive. I am sorry.
Hugs,
Val.

I remember very clearly the pain one of my husband's cousins went through when her little girl died of cancer. Her family had no clue how to help her and wanted her to just "forget" about her precious little girl. The cousin was so angry and hurt. I think we were some of the only people she felt comfortable talking with because we had reached out to them and talked with them as they were going through all of this. We reassured her that her child was her precious baby and she would always be her baby and she would not and should not every forget her. We all have to remember that--our spouses were our spouses and we will never and should never forget that.

Is it possible your aunt may have some problem you are not aware of...like does she drink? That may explain things.

Maggie

Tracy, what the heck!!!! Amazing how some people actually make it through life with the thoughtlessness that they prescribe to.

I had someone actually ask me if I was ready to date yet? Seriously, come over here, I'll show you what a date really looks like!

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so flippant about this. She's your aunt, only you can explain her and her comments. Can you imagine living with someone who's so crass......your poor uncle!

Although, I do appreciate honesty in everything.......her filter is broken!!!!

Consider the source and move on!

Roz

Grief rewrites your address book. An old saying in this neighborhood, and unfortunately very true. It's hard because there are people you expect to be there for you, and then they are not there for you. I had several like that - family, friends, colleagues, in-laws, faith community members, you-name-it. Lots of surprises!

Give it time -- you will find lots of GOOD surprises, too. For every person thatlet me down, someone else that I didn't expect stepped forward. There are still decent, kind, caring people in the world. Our loss helps us find out who they are -- like sorting the wheat from the chaff....

I am sorry that happened to you, I had very similar things said to me. In fact, a couple ladies were trying to get me to go "clubbing" with tjem so we could "meet some cute guys" when I was about 2 months out. Ludicrous! I hear ya.....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Tracy I think all of us in this journey have it heard it all. Sometimes I think people don't know what to say - so they end up saying something ludicrous. I remember when my brother in law came to the funeral home the only thing he had to say to me was "I don't do funeral homes"! Duh - do any of us. Not an I'm sorry - nothing - just that. I just have no patience for those people. I try to concentrate on the people that love me and care for me and have been there for me. Take care of yourself. I'm sure you will have so many other people that "will" say the right things - I know I did. Concentrate on them.

Wow. I am speechless. That doesn't happen very often.

I am so sorry.

I've run into people like that. Here's my thought on it--they've never been in love. They think it's like losing a spouse in a divorce or something like that. Some may even think it's a good thing. I would feel sorry for her and try to spend as little time as possible with her.

It is hard for me to understand people who are so clueless. Is it ignorance, stupidity, callousness or a combination of those things? I had someone tell me "You need to get over it" about a month after my husband died. I turned and walked away without saying another word to her. I know most people who say hurtful things are well meaning and just don't know what to say...but others, I don't know.

It's a complicated thing to lose the person who shared your life and future. No one can understand the importance of unconditional support, but your Aunt was just wrong. If you can, forgive her ignorance and surround yourself with people who at least are trying to comfort you. Sharon

So sorry you have someone like that in your life. I was flabbergasted at some of the remarks that people made to me and my Son's. Even coming from my Father in law.
The wife of an old friend came up to me at the funeral and shared that she and her husband had gotten a divorce. So she knew exactly what I was going through. I was insulted beyond belief.
Now at almost 18 months later, I think I know what she was getting at. The feeling of loss must be similar.
Hugs, Sandi