If it upset you then you're not being stupid. She clearly should have known better, especially if she is one of your best friends. I'll admit to making the occasional off color joke about my own situation but it is only among my closest friends and family, people I know I can be myself around. And people I know will not be offended by it. For me at times it feels like a way to almost embrace my reality a little more. But again, I would only say something like that in certain situations, and not very often. Your friend definitely should have known better than to say that.

All I can say is grossly inappropriate and I to would have wanted to slap her. Thats my personal spin on it. Gerald

People do say things before speaking. I work with a couple of great people very supportive.
The other day one of this people asked me what was it like not being a princess any more. Now I will know what is like to depend on myself.I was shocked. My husband was retired and he did most of the things around the house and outside. He was very loving and made sure that my life was easy. What this person was not aware of was that I was a stay at home for the 12 years of our marriage and I did very thing. The look on my face must of told her that she had just said a very hurtful remark. She told me that she was kidding and she know how much my husband loved me. Since the remark she has been trying on my better side.
I now try not to let what people say to me get me down. Crazy people say crazy things.

I heard rumour of a 3 second rule, when I worked with people who tended to assault you, that if you responded within 3 seconds, it was a natural reaction and non prosecutable, (which is either not a real word or I mangled the spelling, but you know what I mean), but if you punched them later, you were in big trouble. Just in case this is true and not an urban myth, slap her right away in the future. Hard. Then claim insanity by reason of your extreme grief colliding with her extreme stupidity. No jury will convict you. ;-) (Please don't let my joking upset you.) Hearing about her made my palm itch. I would be annoyed by the dead boyfriend comment and also the dethroned princess remark as well. It's amazing that even when you have lost everything, people can still be jealous of what you had and make such snide remarks. Take good care. ((()))

rw; Simply this comment. "Stupid does as stupid is" I'm with Rainycreek, slap her then quickly apologize, even somebody that's stupid should get the point.

Best Regards George

I think you might have to downgrade that person from best friend to acquaintance since she has fallen from her pedestal through her insensitive stupid comment.

However, RW, you will encounter other insensitive persons along the way and someone on this site said that grief makes you rewrite your address book - very true. I think at times we have to grow a rhino skin.

All the best.

When someone blurts out something like that, just out of the blue. You are in shock, and don't have a come back. I think I would steer clear of that person. When she asks what's wrong, I would tell her. You are hurting bad enough to let hurt you. JMO Sandee

Thanks for the replies.
Rainycreek, I will bear in mind the 3 second rule next time. I think if I was closer to her at the time she said it I wouldn't have been able to resist.

I'm glad you agree as I wondered if it just me just completely losing my sense of humour but I really didn't find it funny and the thing that gets to me most is that's not a saying that just slips off the tongue, she'd clearly thought it through before saying it. I mean people slip up all the time and at times it does make me chuckle. One of friends is really ditsy, she always has been and we got to talking about the dentist and I was saying how Matt had gone and was panicking how much it would cost him as he had to go back for a number of fillings, but I told him not to panic as in the UK there's a set price for certain procedures so whether he had 1 or 10 fillings it would have cost the same and you pay at the end of the course of treatment. I joked he'd gotten away with paying for that coz he didnt finish his treatment and my friend piped up, 'oh why did he just not go back?'. I burst out laughing and she realised what she said, he obviously couldn't go back and she was mortified. She still keeps apologizing about it now, that didn't upset me as I know how daft she can be, it made me giggle more than anything but what my other friend said did hurt, that was thought out and she never even offered an apology. I'm planning on avoiding her for a while as she's really irritating me, I think its for the best

One of the greatest joys of being an adult is that you no longer have to force yourself to play with everybody on the playground - you can choose your friends. I would choose to dump that one, and the "princess" comment - yeah, that one, too.

When we are bereaved, some people stop being our friends, and then there are the others that do things that revoke their license to be our friends. You are not a doormat, you are a human being with real feelings. You don't have to put up with them. When I let go of those people, it was amazing the good, kind people that stepped up and took their places. So dump them, and if they ask, just tell them you are making room in your life for nice people.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Wow! It's really amazing the stupid things people say. I don't know what I'd do in that situation, but you probably did the right thing. Don't hold it against her...just chalk it up to her being inappropriate. We've all done and said things at one time or another that we regret, and maybe she regrets it, too. But if she continues to make light of your situation, I think you just have to tell her that you don't find any of it funny.

I think you should just minimize the amount of time you spend with this person. Not so sure how close you are to her, but keeping some distance might be healthier for you. If she is someone you want to remain friends with, then mention the fact that it hurt your feelings. Take care of YOU! Patricia

Could be this person simply is lacking in life experience and is short on empathy. I don't think any of them mean to be cruel, but from experience, you hear some pretty stupid things that are hurtful.

Just wondering if whether her lips were a little loose due to alcohol? No matter, still no excuse for being insensitive I don't know under what circumstances something like that could possibly funny. Maybe I would spend less time with her and more with caring, sensitive, people.

Yuck! I remember the day after I lost my dad - some fool guy at work came and said "I'll put a smile you dial" and toted out all the OLDEST jokes. I just stood up from my desk and walked away, leaving him laughing his head off at one of his stupid offerings. Whenever I saw him after that I just looked straight through him! A-hole! Hell there is a time and place!!!

I am going to play devil's advocate, here. Many people use humor when they feel uncomfortable. I, myself, have made some pretty grotesque jokes about death, in an effort to deal with it. Like, "the cat outlived my husband", or "he died just as my daughter was hitting puberty and I was hitting menopause age".
It can be a coping mechanism. We all need ways to cope. Try to let go of the anger and don't be too hard on her. Next time, let her know that you aren't ready to make jokes out of his death. That you don't find it funny. She will probably stop doing it. And if she doesn't, then don't go around her, anymore.