Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Too much to cope with

Chooky-Lady
Chooky-Lady
I know this may sound silly but I have had another "tragedy" which I am finding hard to accept. Over the last 8-10 weeks I have lost all (39) of my beautiful chickens to dogs and foxes. They were my pets and my little ones even my friends called my "babbies". They could always be guaranteed to cheer me up and let me lift them for a cuddle. I had to get up to let them out and feed them every day. Now even that has been taken from me and I have nothing at all to get out of bed for in the morning.

I am so lonely and dont see any purpose in anything any more. What use am I ? Who really needs me? Most of my family dont bother any more and his family never did. I have some great friends but most of them live in another country so they cant exactly pop round.

I write lists of things to do, to try and stimulate me to get out and about, but when it comes to it I think why?? - they are only busy jobs that it wont really matter if they get done or not. They make no difference. I make no difference.

I am so lonely. I miss him so much it hurts. Can somebody tell me that it will get better?

Fay
deleted_user
deleted_user
I felt the same way for many weeks and to a certain extend I still do. Its not as bad as it use to be. My husband also passed in Oct. The loneliness and intense sadness is still present but not like it was. I have good days and then not so good ones. The first 2 days of this week were awful and as the week has gone on its gotten better. Don't think its ever going away completely. Its like the tide, I can feel when the emotions and sadness are slowly coming in and when it hits its overwhelming and then slowly it gets better. I too am lonely and spend most of my time alone. I go to the movies a lot. My husband had 2 dogs so they keep me busy. I am so sorry about your chickens. I know that was a loss to you. The little time that I have been a member of DS and read of people and the different stages of their grief it really does give me hope. I want to be happy again and have joy in my heart. I have faith that it will come to me. I don't mean a relationship with a man but, a good solid relationship with myself. I hope that you get to feeling better. I make a list of three things to do each day and MAKE myself do them. I believe that it does get better especially when I think back to the first month or two and I can see my growth. You take care. Colleen
Rosepa
Rosepa
I am very sorry about the chicks. We used to have chickens years ago and that is a large number to loose.
Hugs to you and praying things get better for you.
dl1959
dl1959
I went through that stage at about three months. It will pass, things will get better.
So sorry about your babies too. Our pets are our family.

Diane
gerald222
gerald222
Loss of purpose or being able to see a future was very much part of the feelings I have had to wrestle with in this journey. The 2 pieces of advice I got from others which helped included 1) write a list of things you are grateful for. It can be the most basic things to start. Gratitude gradually helps us on the rough days. 2) focus on each 24 hours not the future because that is to overwhelming. I am sorry about your chicks. I am here to tell you yes it will get better. We dont heal completely but the pain does become less intense. God bless. Gerald
aloneishard
aloneishard
After losing my wife, I had several people who had lost a spouse themselves come up to me and tell me, even though it doesnt seem possible now, the joy of live will return some day. I am at 9 months now and am starting to understand they may be right. It is just such a hard path to go down to get to the other side.
Chooky-Lady
Chooky-Lady
Thank you all so much for responding so quickly. It must be quite early in the day for some of you. I certainly hope things will get better and I hope I will replace some of my chicks. On good days my rational mind tells me these things but on bad days it is nothing but black clouds. It is good to be able to express these feelings to people who understand and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Fay
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are not "Silly" it pains you. Your little chicks are like my kitty. I feel they are so cute and love us so much. They meant a lot to you and that's what matters.
It is hard to be alone. Do you have a support group you can go to. I go once a week and I have met some wonderful people who are going through what I am going through. We also meet for lunch once a month for lunch. It helps. I hope you can find one. I'll never be the same but it helps to be able to talk, cry or just feel angry in this class.
I'm so sorry for you loss.
Dharling
Dharling
This same sense of purpose and motivation has gone in me too. I am 15 months down the track and at work I can function OK but without my man the rest of what we used to do seems pointless. I have afriend who is 7 years down the track and we talk so I am understood and she still has days of "why vacuum - no one sees it" That as actually helped me be more motivated as it has given me permission to do it or not do it. get what you mean by "no one cares" yet you have contributed to this blog and started a discussion so I agree that we need one another so we can feel "normal" in this devastating and challenging experience. You have a loving heart to look after animals, so I am sure others will find their way to you. I have found following myself helps not pressuring myself to doooo anything, beeee with the feeling and it passes more quickly. Blessings to you and us all.