Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My current responsibility is to be here, lonely, miserable, to show up and learn, oh, to cry big buckets of tears. Im doing swell on the lonely, miserable and crying buckets. My emotions are still off the charts. This was a loud crying morning, the kind I dont want the neighbors hearing. I've gone to the window to see my neighbors standing compassionately at the bottom of my driveway, when the wailing has been too loud; funny, I felt sorry for their discomfort. I dont want to be responsible for anything, but myself for a moment in time, my time in New Orleans.
In Puerto Rico I have the Sato Hill Gang and, of course, Smoki, the cat. Im sad and tired; dont know if I can be happy again, looking for contentment. Im scaring the crap out of myself.
Life changes, okay, I dont get a vote, no negotiating, just take what you get change. Can you guess I like to be in control? Well, then you know how out of my mind, out of control, scared I feel.
Do you suppose I should own how scared I am? Ha, ha, a sudden dawn of light; Im scared. Be calm; maintain self control is always a goal. I do best when I have a goal, so which do I want calm or self control?
The last time I was alone I was a teenager. God knows, what an idiot I was. Its like my whole adult lifes been wiped out, or died with Kirt. It was the best part of my life. I felt safe with him. Safety is a big issue for me.
Some of us come from woe is me families, some angry, some laughing their way through adversity; mine was an angry family. Kirts dad always had a joke or a story to tell me, plus he taught me about looking around to see whats available and making the best of it. The thought of Kirt and his dad back together, wow, its good. They were good, positive energy in my life. I have gratitude, thanks so much. Im better; thanks to you.
Anybody who thinks that past the five month mark this gets easier; forget about it. Its not the raw pain of the first months in Widowland; OMG, when they handed me his ashes, I hoped that I would spontaneously combust in the parking lot so I wouldnt have to bring him home like this. Im crying so hard I cant breathe, just thinking about it.
Get busy, time heals, yeah, sure, but I have to say good bye to my wonderful guy. Its too hard.
Sadly, you are the people who understand how I feel; you share the grief, if not the fear.
In Puerto Rico I have the Sato Hill Gang and, of course, Smoki, the cat. Im sad and tired; dont know if I can be happy again, looking for contentment. Im scaring the crap out of myself.
Life changes, okay, I dont get a vote, no negotiating, just take what you get change. Can you guess I like to be in control? Well, then you know how out of my mind, out of control, scared I feel.
Do you suppose I should own how scared I am? Ha, ha, a sudden dawn of light; Im scared. Be calm; maintain self control is always a goal. I do best when I have a goal, so which do I want calm or self control?
The last time I was alone I was a teenager. God knows, what an idiot I was. Its like my whole adult lifes been wiped out, or died with Kirt. It was the best part of my life. I felt safe with him. Safety is a big issue for me.
Some of us come from woe is me families, some angry, some laughing their way through adversity; mine was an angry family. Kirts dad always had a joke or a story to tell me, plus he taught me about looking around to see whats available and making the best of it. The thought of Kirt and his dad back together, wow, its good. They were good, positive energy in my life. I have gratitude, thanks so much. Im better; thanks to you.
Anybody who thinks that past the five month mark this gets easier; forget about it. Its not the raw pain of the first months in Widowland; OMG, when they handed me his ashes, I hoped that I would spontaneously combust in the parking lot so I wouldnt have to bring him home like this. Im crying so hard I cant breathe, just thinking about it.
Get busy, time heals, yeah, sure, but I have to say good bye to my wonderful guy. Its too hard.
Sadly, you are the people who understand how I feel; you share the grief, if not the fear.
Blessings
I am on my own too, and I can say it is hard. My life has been one big constant change from the time my husband was diagnosed with cancer.
This site is the best. I can share my grief, my feelings, with people who have been there, or are there too. So your not alone. You have us.
This is a time that we should be kind to ourselves. I wish things could be different for you, me, or all of us. It will get better. It's hard to believe that right now, but it will.
A Hug to You.
Know you are doing the right thing. Doesn't feel right, does it? It's not right now. The loss is wrong on every conceivable level.
But, you will survive. You will find the strength. You will learn lessons of how much stronger you are than you feel now. You will never forget him, or the person you were together, but you will find the person you are. A sadness dwells beneath the surface but you are resilient and better than before when you never imagined that this would be you. Sharon
My mom who's 86 and religious said to me that she knows now why she has lived this long " to support me in my grief" Perhaps she's right. Maybe there's a reason for our suffering but r too emotional right now to see it. Be strong.
There have been many days I've prayed for death, I'm not scared of it I look forward to it.
I'm dreading the next few months till the one year anniversary. I look forward to spring and warmer days.
You are still early on in this journey, good days will start coming more often.
Diane
Slowly little flashes start happening, little instances when we almost hear them as we go about doing the day to day moving. Picking up something that flashes a memory of smile or remark that they made. Not sad, maybe even giving us a little giggle. I can tell you that I swear I almost broke my neck turning to see if he was behind me, because the message or thought was so strong. Then we stop fast, because in that instance we had a smile or did giggle, almost berating ourselves for that light moment of thought. Realization that it couldn't have happened. again we fall.
But there it is again almost and audible "HA! Get up". So we snap up looking around again then start to look at what may have cause us to "hear" that. was it a familiar action? or a sensory reaction to something that they would have laughed or gloated about? If found, we may ( I have) erupted in laughter too. For a few moments as I picture them beside me and what may have tickled their funny bone. Whoops, reality am alone, no one is there, but why did I laugh? I laughed because if he was still at my side "WE" would have laughed together. Slowly the ism's that were theirs come to us, these are actually comforting. The things that made them love us and us love them. Reality is there, we know we are alone. But what they showed us of ourselves is also there. Just at first the pain too deep to let through.
It's hard to believe in yourself, but he did. He believed in you. Loved you for what you are not what he was. You are still that person, just a bit wiser for knowing him.
I, like Cathy am also coming on 20 months (Same day). Yes it still hurts, but only the loss of his physical presence mostly. His view on life and the "funny" of it seen through his eyes, are now part of me. I catch more glimpses of his dimples flashing in my mind, at what I am now doing to keep going. It is comforting to know that yes I was loved by him, just for being me
.
My heart Trici,look for those flashes. Then walk tall, you are still loved by him in your heart. Just for being you.
J.
I will pray for you. That double hit of your sister dying so close to your husband takes you to your knees. My best friend from childhood, my sister died in October, so I know that double whack too.
If it weren't for my dogs, many days, I'd stay in bed.
I like what Cathylynn said about we survive to honor their lives and eventually our own. It has a ring of real truth, even if I hurt too much right now. Each of you give me hope. Thanks, I love you all. Trici
I am only at a little over 4 months, and the grief hits me in waves. I pray that you find strength with each passing day. Be blessed.
I also like Cathylynn's message that "we survive to honor their lives." That very thought has been what has sustained me in the last 3+ months. I wish peace and comfort for you in the coming days.