Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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bayoured 03/06/2018

I had a conversation with someone that is supposed to be my friend. I was telling her how I joined different groups on the internet just so I can feel connected to people who share the same journey as I do. Somehow the subject turned to people who remarry or date after losing their spouses. She goes on to tell me that she believes that love can come again to people in their 20's and 30's but not people our age (56). Mind you I at no time was expressing the desire to meet anyone. It is the idea that what she said sounded like " You are too old and too broken down with your issues to ever be loved again" I am not reading between the lines with this lady either. She is very passive aggressive. It just made me feel so awful. I know that I will never be the same again in my lifetime. That is hard enough to deal with but to think that I would never be loveable to anyone is so final and depressing.

staygolden3 03/06/2018

Stop letting her way of thinking bring you down!!! I’m here to tell you that we are bent but by no means broken! It may feel like it right now but we are not!! We are the strongest beings on this earth...strength is within you, it may be dormant right now but it’s there!!!! Hang on and NEVER lose hope!!!
And yes...we can STILL be quite lovable again if we so choose!!! At ANY age!!!!
It’s your call in your own time and in your own way!
Chin up! Her issues not yours!
Big hugs coming your way!!!!
Darcie

staygolden3 03/06/2018

Back in the day of my mother’s infinite wisdom and humor....her and her widowed friends would sit in the backyard on the deck discussing the fact of being to old and broken down for romance...she would always say to them ...”So what? You’re 65....there’s always a 85 year old looking for a young chick just like you!!!” Lol!
Just a joke guys but a smidgen of truth...again, never say never...
D

Jaxmate 03/06/2018

Bayoured, What I'm hearing is that your friend is projecting her personal fears regarding her own aging.. Unfortunatey you were in the room and her projectile struck you.
From your posts I imagine you to be a strong, smart and sassy gal. Totally lovable IMHO.
E..

raininseattle 03/06/2018

When love strikes, it will catch you by surprise. And you only need one person in this world to feel that way, not a thousand of them. The man who is worthy of your love will always love you for who you are.

Your friend is not a man and can't speak for all the men in the world.

AngieP 03/06/2018

Untrue. I'll be 60 in the fall. My husband of 38 years died in December, 2016. I'm once again in love. It's a different love from the 20s and 30s. It's better. Just wait for it.

Rick51 03/06/2018

I don't think love plays the age discrimination card.

bayoured 03/06/2018

Thank all of you for letting me share those private places of my heart. You all encourage and lift me up. I am grateful to have connected with all of you. Yes Jaxmate I am absolutely a sassy girl. My sweet Tony used to call me his spicy chick. In the words of my Granny "I don't take off my shoes to tell you what I think" LOL. I forgot to mention after she said what she did she ends with" I am not trying to hurt your feelings" OMG if you have to make that disclaimer than you know what you said was hurtful. May your today be better than your yesterdays " Love and hugs to all of you.

lilglfrdiane 03/06/2018

I'm just new here I joined early this morning have two people on my friends hope you got the OK . Name Rick and bayoured. We all need each other on here. I'm 64 I lost my beautiful loving husband in May 2017 from heart disease. I took care of him till the end with hospice at home. I never dreamed I'd be on this journey on my oown.i moved from north ft. Myers fl. Back home here to Ohio to be with my 2 beautiful children a son who is very successful in Columbus graduating from Ohio State and owns 5 restaurants in Columbus my daughter a stay at home mom and wife. Thank God for our kids. Not a day that goes by I don't think of my husband Paul. They say life goes on I wonder who that was that said that. Hoping being on here will help me get through this with the faith that all of us will get through the loss of our loved ones.

cliffskat 03/06/2018

I was told after Cliff died that I wasn't single, I was "a package" because not only was I 50 when he died, but I became a single Mom to two autistic sons. My guys are part of the deal no matter what. So who would want an overweight, greying, 50-something with two disabled kids? I thought it impossible. Love surprises sometimes. I am remarried, to a widower I met here in this group. I'm no perfect beauty, and I need a steamer trunk for all my baggage, but somehow I am loved again.

If your so-called friend is on her own, it's because she's her own worst enemy. Don't take on her issues. They are not yours. Truly. And you have shown here that you are a loving and kind person, and who wouldn't want someone like that in their life?

Love and Hugs,
Martha

silverfoxwife 03/06/2018

Love does not have age limits. My widow friends and I do talk about love could happen again and why not if it happened. Don't let your friend's comment get to you.

regwin 03/06/2018

Bay, Her words come under the heading "What stupid things people have said to widows"
You are a beautiful, smart woman and there will be love in your life again if and when you're ready to open your heart.
At 58, you're still a young woman . Many Hugs, Dolores

AtlGTfan 03/06/2018

Your friend needs a good whack in the head with a clue bat. :-) Anyone, at any age, is loveable and worthy of love. I just passed the five-year anniversary of my husband's death. I'm 55 now and in a solid relationship. My friend's mother remarried happily at age 88, about ten years after being widowed. Our bodies may not look like we did at 18, but there's no expiration date on our souls, and that's where love lives. In fact, I think we make much better partners now--we're less hormonal and far more experienced at interpersonal relationships. I think having lost a spouse makes us better still, because we realize now more than ever that time is too precious to be wasted on "small stuff." You may not be ready to date now, but know that if and when you are ready, your heart is completely worthy. Hugs to you!

Sunrise12 03/07/2018

Stay golden3
Thanks, you made me laugh. I had just thought to myself "who's going to want my sorry ass"

regwin 03/07/2018

Sunrise12, I'm really having a hearty laugh at your comment. Thanks,

nebby 03/07/2018

i have had my one and only true love, after 16 months i cant remotely consider anything else. jean taught me all i ever knew of love

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