You have my deepest compassion. I am surviving by picking one thing to do at a time. My mind wants to know the solution to everything at once and I get overwhelmed. I sometimes become paralyzed and seem unable to do anything.

I find one single thing that needs to be done and tell myself, I know you do not want to do this, but you only have to do this one thing. Often the accomplishment of the one thing gives me the strength to do one more thing. If not, then I praise myself for the one achievement.

Take care and be gentle with yourself.

Dear One, i am deeply sorry you are going through this too. Keep placing one foot in front of the other ~one step at a time will get you through to the next minute... the next hour.... the next day. Write things down, make lists so you do not forget things. Give yourself a goal... write one thing down that you promise yourself you will do the following day. When you accomplish that one thing you will feel that sense of accomplishment. When you feel a bit stronger increase that list to two items... then three. My list remains at three. If i do more fine, if not, that is fine too. And you will find over time that you have managed to wade through the myriad of stuff that must be done. As for doing things wrong ~~~ my husband had a specific way of handling things and he believed his way was the right way. But i have learned that now, my way is the right way. And you will discover soon enough that YOUR way is the right way too. Trust in yourself. Every step you take will increase your confidence. God be with you... (((hugs))) ~S

Greetings Jaime:

To begin, here are some virtual (((HUGS))) for you! Now I will proceed by beginning with saying that I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination on how to personally process grief, after dealing with ones beloved spouse passing on. No not at all. But I am re-learning a few things as follows:

1] I am not alone.
2] This pain will lessen.
3] Emotions will come and go.
4] When emotions hurt severely. BREATHE as deeply as you can!
5] Learning to live again is possible with Help from others walking this path.
6] Encouragement from those who understand soothes my heart and soul.
7] Life is not randomly happening, there is a grander plan that I cant see.

Now, I am sure that none of things shared, can or will take this pain and multiple questions from you.I understand! I still have questions when I am in pain and find myself in a new place of missing my beloved wife more than I could ever express. I am learning that being gentle with myself and nurturing like my beloved wife was with me, does help me calm down and enables me to clear my lenses.

NONE of this is easy. NONE of this is fun. NONE of this grieving has been sought out by any of us. However, you are doing your utmost best, with what you have been dealt. AND I just bet you, that your beloved husband would be very proud of you for how far you have come in this short amount of time.

Remember when you shared with us here about the laundry day? AND how you belly laughed? Remember that? Without a doubt your husband would be proud of you. I am sure!!! I would if my beloved wife were here without me and enduring all of this terrible grieving and re-learning to live without her man by her side. You just bet I would!!!

Listen really carefully, OKDont you give up or give in to this grief. You hear that? Together we are all re-learning how to get back up, even though at times we dont want to. Understand? Make him really, really proud! OK, you can do this. I believe in you, Jaime! (grins)

((((HUGS))))

Your friend,
BEAR

Jaime,,,I am sorry that you have found the need to be here but it is a good place to be when you need to vent or question.
I am just at 9 weeks 3 days since my husband passed on. And it seems so short a time but also such a long time.
I find myself wondering how I am supposed to know how to do things now. And it isn't that I don't know how to do things - he was so ill for soooo long that I usually did most things that needed doing even if a man normally would have done it. It is just that doing them now without him (as you said, telling you if you are doing it wrong) is just not what you are used to.
I have to thank you for sharing this.....I know you are in pain, but I have to admit that you made me laugh.. Let me explain.... Danny hated that I had to do so many things that the man would usually do,,,,,so when those times got to him he would also tell me I was doing it wrong. BUT, he did it sneaky. Example: we would be going to friends of ours. When he was able to drive he would take one route and I would take another. Every single time I drove he would ask me why I was going that way. I would explain but he would still ask the next time. Once, he asked again, again I explained,,,,but when we left, I went the way he would have gone had he drove. He asked me again and I said---well, baby, obviously I don't know the correct way to go so I thought I would do it your way....He looked at me and smiled and said -- See, darlin, stick with me and I'll keep you straight. LOL Wow, I miss him so much.
I don't believe that your missing him is ever going to stop,,,,or for me,,,,,but I have to believe it will not hurt so much. One thing I do know for sure is that 4 weeks ago I would not have been able to laugh at remembering him saying that to me.
I pray it gets easier for you.............Janice

I am so sorry and know exactly what you mean. For me it has been 5 months about to go into the sixth month, the 2nd of July. It took me three months to come of out of shock. There is no way to tell you how you will do or how long you will do it. I know that I depend on my relationship with Jesus. I also joined a Grief Share group. We meet every Thursday night and it has helped me to actually sit around a table and pass a box of Kleenex around and cry with folks who are in the same boat with me. You will do things right. That was cute of you to say. You will remember things he told you or advised you on. I do. Dear one, your pain is still VERY new and fresh. You will make it though. Just go one day at a time, sometimes it is literally minute by minute. Stay in touch with this group. It is a good group and has helped me greatly.