I remember those feelings so clearly- big hug to you!
We honor my husbands' bday each year and I remember the numbness, disbelief,, and utter sadness associated with his birthday without him. We were coming back home from our balloon release and dinner in honor of my childrens' dad that first year, and I got pulled over... I was so distracted that I was unaware that I was going over the speed limit. Fortunately, i wasn't going all that much over, explained what was going on, and soon returned home even more teary-eyed than I already was.
My sympathies go out to you. We let a balloon off by my old work, which overlooks the river. It is where my family would often walk to the observation deck when my husband and I "traded shifts" with our kids and mom had to head in to work.
For our family, it just seems like a fitting way to remember him. We go to the same restaurant he loved taking the kids to- 5 years we've done this. I think I chose to do this because I was all about family traditions.
The firsts are particularly tough. My hope for you is that you have the support of family and friends.

Moving forward is not easy but you have to. Its the only way through this. You'll get better at it. Its been 2 and a half years for me. I never thought I'd make it. You'll stand up and get knocked down so many times. You'll get stronger every time until you find yourself standing on your own. There's no one there to catch you. And that's the worse thing ever.
I have found me now, and you will find you too.
Take your time, don't be in a hurry. Everyone processes this different. There's no right or wrong and there's no time frame. You can do this and we're all here walking right along with you
Rachel

Sorry for your loss. Its really challenging to move on. Pain does lessen with time. I am in 3.5 months now since my wife aged 35 passed away. Just hang in there. Pain will lessen with time. Cry when you feel like. It should make you feel lighter and better emotionally. Go for walks, take care of your physical health - very important. It will help you through this. Do seek professional help if required. It will help. Strength and hugs to you !

I am beginning to believe there are no patent answers for this. It's been a little over one year since my wife transitioned home. And even though I know where she is, it's still lonely without her here. The only thing that has gotten me this far is knowing I'm never truly alone. I am a man of faith and spend time with God every day. And I know she is with Him, who I speak with always. And that bring me a great comfort.
Take care.
Peace, Tim

Thank you everyone, your words are comforting. I am a Christian as well, my husband was a minister at our church so I know that he is in heaven. That is the only comfort that I have. He touched the lives of so many people. I just feel so abandoned. I know it takes time but I just want to feel better. I will continue to pray, which does help.... I am trying to look forward to the future but it's hard as I am still in a bit of disbelief... Sad right? Thanks again everyone.

Im sorry for your loss , I am also just finished the 3rd month of my husband passing few days ago.I can fully understand the kind of feeling you have.The pain & sadness is killing me .I myself dont know how to start from this unfortunate & painful event of my life. God bless

I just lost my husband the same way so we are very similar in our journey. I have no advice. Just support and love being sent your way.

We just do..life goes on and for me that old me is not here anymore..