Keep trying...STRIVING for MORE than ok..It's there. doesn't seem like it i know....BUT IT IS THERE.

Hang on and don't give up...what is the song? Got it...One day being OK will be ALLLRIGHT....PROMISE....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOmd-WkJrSI

I feel ya hon, and hear ya loud and clear... Alllright IS COMING for all...

HUGS diane

I soooo know what you mean. i often try to remember what passion for life felt like. while there was extreme passion for my husband i didn't think he was the sole reason i experienced passion for life itself...or maybe he was and i just didn't know it.

@moonflyer good song but i had to laugh when i pictured all of us dancing like that!

I'm right there with ya!

I'm at that point, too. Months ago, in the midst of my worst grieving, I would have given ANYTHING to be at the point of "just all right." But, now that I'm here, I feel like I want to get out there and live life, if I'm meant to stay. I just don't know how to DO that. I feel like I'm some kind of alien that landed here, watching others live their lives, happily or not. The only living I do is vicariously, through my daughter and her family and the few friends I have left.
I've been trying to reach out to others when I encounter people at the grocery store, etc. But I feel like I'm not a part of any world - this one or the next. Hell! I don't even know who I AM anymore, so how can I be anything to anyone else?
The only place I feel whole and totally accepted is here, with all of you who know exactly how I feel.
I guess we'll just have to take the "just all right" for now and hope that someday we will be happy again.

Hugs,
Terry

Terry, it's weird how I have felt the very same way you described. Often in a store I feel like I'm floating, kind of like a ghost, taking in all the sounds, chatter, music but not really being a part of it all. I don't feel like I belong anywhere, I suppose it's because I always defined myself as a couple, protected and loved for so long, now I'm in this strange new world feeling so alone and I can't get used to it or like it.
We have to do the best we can, there's no other choice.
Hugs to all of you,
Christine

I understand exactly how you feel. Everyday I try to find a place for myself. I feel so lost. I love my children, who are grown, but they have to live their lives. I need to find my place here without my best friend, the love of my life, supporter, and my focus in life for 30 years. I know god is watching over us and helping us get through this and our loved ones are also watching over us. Somehow or other we will find our way. I know I need to take one step at a time and hope and pray for a new beginning. love, lynn

I think we probably all--at least those who have passed the first months--know exactly how you feel. You get to the point that you stop crying every day--you stop thinking about it every moment--you work, you keep up the house and whatever else you have to keep up with--you think you have started to "live again" in some ways--but you are just OK--not great--not even good--just OK--you are making it--surviving, coping. We want to be more than ok. I think the trick is in finding out what that means to each of us individually. For some it means finding a new relationship and starting to love again--for some it means recognizing that you are going to be ok being alone and can get out and enjoy activities and fun on your own or with friends again--for others it means finding that place where you know you belong and feeling at home again. Everyone finds it in a different way I think--everyone searches for it in a different way. I think the most important thing in searching for it is to be yourself--be true to who you are--don't let someone else's vision of how to get there influence how you try to get there. I hope that makes sense. I think it's so easy to look at others who seem to be "happier" or more upbeat and think, "If I just do what they are doing I will get there too". That only works if you have the same values and goals in life--if you are alike in all the ways that make you who you are. So, if it makes any sense at all---just keep every step you make in line with who you are--or who you want to be--not who someone else thinks you should be or should not be. Make every decision based on what you feel is right for you and who you are--even if other people think you are moving too slow or too fast--be who you are--I really believe if we stick to that we will get past being just "ok". I'm still working on it myself--but I'm determined it will be in my own way--one that makes me feel good about who I am and what I believe--and when I find that perfect spot for me again I will be comfortable in my own skin and feel I was true to me and the man who helped make me who I am. Hugs to you--hang in there--you will get there.

Terry- You described my life right now. The only time I am really amongst people is with my daughter and her future in laws. I barely have friends around here as most moved long ago, my sisters live distance and even my best friend is 3 hrs away. Husband passed in Feb. and now his mother is greatly ill and my own sister is also apparently quite ill and not diagnosed yet. But thank God for the little we may have. Donna

I agree, just ok is not acceptable...but there is nothing I can do to speed up the process of healing. As much as I would like to...I can't see myself in another relationship at this time, even though I think that is what I would like. I do enjoy friends and family but they can;t be with me every waking hour! I do stay busy but then I feel like a lunatic looking for something to occupy myself with - don't like tv anymore, have trouble focusing on reading, it's all crazy and I thought I was doing so well. This is trully a roller coaster ride of emotions or lack of emotions...ugh! Wish I was on the other side of this!

As long as we are just "doing OK" we are not totally living. Living alone, I believe, is just doing OK. We only live when we are loved and included in activities with others. As we all know, we don't fit anywhere......except family and church.

My son and DIL have embraced me and they include me at least every other week-end in their activities. Without them, I would have nothing to do but volunteering, which is good but it lacks the personal closeness of family. My daughter, on the other hand, is so wrapped up in her life she cannot see me at all.

I feel alive when I am with someone I love. Without them, I feel dead. I think that's why one of the 10 Commandments is "Honor thy father and mother." God knew we needed that. Too bad so many children overlook that. They only think of THEMSELVES as parents, not us. We are the forgotten.

Amen! I too am just tired of being okay. Going through every day like on auto pilot. Doing this..doing that...because I know I am suppose to. I have happy moments through my kids and grandkids but is this all life is going to be? I miss my baby, he was the reason I worked so hard so one day we could relax. We were supposed to grow old together and travel and just be together. Now what? Life is geared for couples, for mates, for pairs. I feel like I am just existing. Where is the fun? I remember life used to be fun. Maybe it is because my whole world was wrapped around my hubby and kids...now they are grown...he is not here (I know not by choice). When does life get better? I know it is up to me to make life better. But can anyone point me in the right direction.
Sorry...just venting. Didn't mean to be such a downer.
Hugs to all! Take care!
Kat

I just finished a journal entry and the next thing I find is this post. It's almost ironic how connected they are. You are okay, you are valuable, and you have to embrace who you are to be more than okay. Take a look at my journal, I come to you from the same place of being okay. It's okay to be okay. Sharon