I believe I saw the interview where she said that. It has much more meaning now than it did at the time I saw it. I would add one thing; I think it's more like a scab than a scar, and from time to time it gets ripped off and has to re-heal.

I agree the scab gets torn open and has to re heal over and over and over again. chipstears

I dont beleive time heals all wounds. I believe it is how you utilize the time that determines how you heal. You have to allow yourself to feel the incredible despair/pain of grief not run away from it or try and distract yourself. I also believe you have to reach out because it is such a incredibly difficult journey to travel alone. You also have to nuture yourself, set the bar low when your down and out, and forgive and love yourself. You need to take breaks from the grief because it is such exhausting hard work. For me clinging to my faith when the grief waves were hitting like a tsamumi helped me to inch forward. A grief counselor was a huge part of my healing as well. Seeing a counselor is not a sign of weakness but a healthy step in working to get well. Accessing DS and the wonderful people here carried me through the many storms that grief forced upon me. At some point you have to decide I want to live and embrace each moment. Only you can make that decision. What you do as you wrestle with grief and what you tell yourself has a huge influence of where your journey goes. I also believe you dont heal from grief you integrate it in your life as you carry your loved one close to your heart. I wish everyone a sense of peace as they move forward. Gerry

I agree with Gerald, the healing is an active process. Going through it, you learn along the way what works in bringing you back to life, albeit slowly.
It starts with an excruciating pain, and it is only natural to try to stop the pain. We all have a very strong self preservation instinct that designed to protect us from danger, pain, anything that threatens our well being The initial reaction of our mind and heart is to refuse to believe in the happening. That is why if we won't start grieving fully, going trough bereavement, the healing can be delayed.
I did just that, I escaped, I refused to believe, but eventually I began seeking help from all sources I could find. I received support and counseling from my spiritual community, from a professional therapist, worked with the grief groups, I was reading voraciously about loss and grief, and I was writing daily. I also set up a plan of how to honor my husband, our love, and the memories of our love. Because besides grieving our loss, we also grieve for our loved ones being gone and forgotten by people around us.Following my plan helped me tremendously. By organizing a proper burial, creating a special headstone, gathering family and friends to his grave on his birthday to celebrate his life, when we planted trees in his honor, helped our family, his friends and helped to heal my heart.
As a result of all that work, my heart is not only healed, I also found peace and new purpose for my life.

Blessings

I agree with Comfortablynumb you can find a new sense of purpose as part of the integration process. Joy and happiness are also possible(something I would have never believed in the early stages of my grief). And yes peace which for me was a ultimate goal is also attainable. For me I carry the missing her in my heart everyday but it no longer has control over life like it once did. Gerry

As I hit just the 1 month milestone and read these posts I find it impossible to believe what all of you have written. No, I do't mean I don't think you are telling the truth, it is just something I cannot imagine at this point in my journey down this road. I wish for the strength to get to a better place and I pray God finds the compassion to give me the strength, but right now I dread a life of this day after day. Right now I have trouble accepting help from people and especially those I don't know very well. I am kind of a loner and am uncomfortable sometimes with people. I think my personality makes this harder for me. Also so called friends who offer help and then tell you what an inconvenience it is as they could be making $50 an hour working a side job instead of giving up the day to do something for you. guess that's why I hesitate to take people up on offers of help.

I don't believe you heal. I think you learn to live with your new normal.
It's been just over 13 months and I am adjusting to my new nornal.
I had company this past weekend and realized that I only cried one of the days not both. I was so busy that I did not have time to stop and weep. In the past I would have felt like something was missing, but this time I was at peace.
I had a dream with my Tim in it last night and he was happy and being his goofy self. It's funny he's been happy in all the dreams I've had about him. I try to take solice in that.
Hugs, Sandi

The feelings of loss are so strong and overwhelming we can't see ever feeling any different. We lost so much more than a person, we lost our life's plans for the future and the partner we shared our hopes and dreams with.

It's okay to feel the way you do. Most of us here realize that the sun doesn't shine in your life right now. But remember even when we are covered by clouds the light is there. The clouds will give you rest but you will make it through. Hugs to you. Sharon

Time can't do it by itself. My experience as been very similar to those of Gerry and Comfortablynumb. You can't avoid grief or sit back and hope it'll go away and no mater what, it's going to leave a scar. What the healing looks like though is determined by how we treat the wound. We can work at it (study, gain understanding, get help, love ourselves, etc.) or we can let it heal up very slowly and more painfully without much effort on our part. The choice is ours to make.
Peace and ((hugs))
John

I agree with comfortblynumb, this is a process that you work through. I compare it to an amputation, instead of a wound. "Two shall become as one" and then suddenly you are one again. You learn to function and have a happy purposeful life, but you are always missing the limb. I was told by a very wise person that I would be like a broken then fixed vase, and I have also found that to be true. I am beautiful and functional and happy. I have a good life, but at some level I will always have those cracks. The cracks just don't render me useless to myself or others.

"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in" Leonard Cohn song. Beautiful song that can be found on youtube.