I feel the same way, married to the man I loved for 36.5 years and keep going.

I had taken my wedding ring off a few weeks ago. Put it back on 2 days ago. I still feel married. Coming up on 3 months. How could 3 months have gone by already?

And....married 21 years. That seemed like a long time until he died. Now it feels like the blink of an eye!

I share your pain.....whether one year or 49...we still feel cheated. And I still will not utter the words, "till death do us part". :(

Look at it this way, in fact at death you do part but only in body. I am parted from my wife yes. But she died, we didn't get divorced, so in my mind we are still married. The vows we said at our marriage only said till death do we part, nothing about the marriage ending.

My thoughts, Geo.

Ah, some of us are in the same space here. My husband and I are of Irish ancestry, and found our anam cara -soulmates- in each other. When he died in the thirty-third year of our marriage, I too cried when the grief counselor talked of finding the "right time" for removing my wedding bands, and the wedding vow that ceases with "til death do you part." She could have been speaking in a foreign language I never knew. Maybe in her world. But not in ours. I celebrated our thirty-fourth anniversary with our children, reading from the book I'm writing to capture for them and our grandchildren memories of our family and all the things we did for all the time we had here on earth together. I wear my engagement ring; my wedding band; the "baby" ring my love bought for me with our first pregnancy when my hands swelled so badly the doctor made me take off my wedding ring before he had to cut it off my finger;, the yesterday-today-and-tomorrow diamonds ring he put on my finger on our twenty-fifth anniversary; the claddaugh emerald he gave me when all our children had married and begun homes of their own and we embarked on being a family looking forward to christenings and communions again to replace all the weddings of five children; and on a golden chain around my neck, held close to my heart, I now wear my love's wedding ring, which the doctor removed from my husband's hand, from his friend, gave to our daughter, and which my children fastened immediately as close to my heart as it can be on a golden chain. In minutes it passed from his hand to my heart. Til death do us part...we aren't...til I join him...however long that may be...or how short...he's not "lost"...he's waiting for me...and I for him. He didn't pack up his golf clubs, grab his boat and a rod, and head off for a deeper lake...it was his time...someday it will be mine...his leaving first will make my going easier; his going first has made my staying harder...but I have our family here with me and he has to wait for us to get to Heaven with him...nothing's easy....but that's what faith is for...and love. I'm lonely, I wail and cry and all the rest...but we'll be OK...nothing can hurt the one we love now..he's not in pain....and one day...we'll be together again...in the meantime...I'm still counting anniversaries! This is such a sad and lonely time...it's not wrong to miss the people we love so much! {{{hugs}}} stormanchor

Feel the same way was just thinking this morning " I am still married to this man who I am still in love with" even though its 9.3 weeks since he passed away I am still left here married, I look at other womens hands to see if they wear their wedding rings, I cannot take mine off as I am still his wife, he left me , I didnt do the leaving. I would like to re write those vows also. I feel like I am going crazy sometimes.

Our Son's, daughter in law and Grandson's celebrated mine and Tim's 37th wedding anniversary with me. A beautiful bouquet and a family dinner out, very enjoyable.
My in laws choose to ignore it, no call no card and when I did talk to my Mil her excuse is that she did not want to upset me.
I am very angry that everyone ignored the day. I may be wrong but I did not choose to not be married. People ignoring that day hurts.
I miss my Tim so much.
Hugs, Sandi

You can wear your rings forever if that is what you are comfortable with. This is your journey and although many are walking with you it's individually different for all of us. When my husband died from lung cancer after a 40 year marriage I felt the same as you describe. Others will choose a different way, and some will change their mind in time. The important thing is that you do what is best for you in the place you are at. Sharon

Yes. We will always love, honor and cherish our spouses. Mine will always be my first husband, father of my kids, best friend, soul mate. He is no longer in this physical world. I've learned to get closer to friends and family to help fill that void. I might marry again someday. I'm 41. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that I will never feel any different for Mike.

You fulfilled the vow 'til death us do part' is for the commitment to one another while we're both here. When Cindy passed my commitment to her, to do all the other things in the vows were fulfilled, according to the agreement we made before God & the people who were there. After that, we feel still attached to our spouse, but that's part of the grieving process, coming to terms w/ the fact that we are no longer married. WE ARE WIDOWED!!!!!

I guess I am tired of the word Widow. I have to check that box now on all the papers that keep coming for me to fill out. I am alone. My dog n cat don't talk much, but they know we are alone now. No Dad in the big recliner. I loved the box named Married. I want to check that box cuz I still am married. I wear my wedding rings. I do not feel single. I am not looking for a mate. I am like the female wolf....wolves mate for life...if one dies, they remain alone! Corny? Maybe. But I cannot feel otherwise even after 15 months.

iksonak

There are many of us that feel the same way. My husband passed away April 2013 and I still wear my wedding rings. I had thoughts of dating but I just can't do it. I would like I was cheating on him. I love my husband just angry at him because he passed away.

I love what you wrote here. How profound. It doesn't end with death, not true love, not real love. It transcends time and boundaries our mind can't comprehend......until you experience the death of your spouse. It's not until then one is able to peek into the timelessness that is true love. Even those like me, who know they have had the truest purest form of love, can never quite imagine the truths revealed in grief.

For me, it was looking at my marriage from the perspective of my husband that changed my feelings. I learned as a Christian that marriage here on earth is a sign, a foretaste, of the marriage that takes place in heaven. When I realized that my husband was entering into THE marriage that is taking place in heaven, it made me let go of my feelings of still being married. It was a great consolation to me but it probably wouldn't be for everyone. The New Testament also encourages widows, especially young widows. to remarry so I have to believe that Christ looks at death as the definitive thing that ends our marriages here on earth.

I learned in my 20's that it was better for me and everyone around me if I accepted what WAS rather than what I thought I HAD to have. My husband became sterile from chemo for cancer when he was 24 and we had only one child. My whole life all I wanted to do was to be married and have a large family. I thought I HAD to have more children and went into depression because that was not possible. This caused a lot of harm to our daughter and to our marriage. I learned to accept what was even if it was contrary to everything I THOUGHT I had to have. Only then did I find peace. I am finding the same thing in the case of being widowed. I am finding much more peace in accepting that I am single--just like millions of other people are around me. It is not what I want, but it is what I am.