Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Truhal 09/25/2014

One of the things I hated after losing my husband was filling out applications. Most of them would have the marital status category and most would exclude a category for widowed. That left me with unmarried or separated. My blood would boil every time I would see that. I thought they are so clueless as I hardly considered myself unmarried. Separated sounded good, but I knew they meant the legal definition not the horrible thing we're going through.

Now for the explanation. I have a new job and one of the things required of us is to learn US credit laws. That's how I discovered that it is illegal to ask an applicant for credit whether they are widowed or divorced. Instead, you're only allowed to ask if the person is married, unmarried, or separated.

Just thought I'd pass this info along.

Shrn 09/26/2014

That's true in other situations too. Sharon

deleted_user 09/27/2014

I had to update information at the doctors office this week- I just left the whole section blank - it didn't matter to my care if I marked any or all of the choices. I am not sure going ahead what I'll do - but I'm kind of a trouble maker and often have not filled out things that are not pertinent to the situation.

cliffskat 09/27/2014

It is also illegal to discriminate in hiring, including on job applications, based on "marital status" -

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/practices/inquiries_marital_status.cfm

Here's the complete list of what a propsective employer may not consider (Tru you might want to look at the training points):

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/practices/index.cfm

Love and Hugs,
Martha

jerseydebbie 09/30/2014

I purposely avoid the section regarding our status. What difference does it make whether I am married, single, etc.?

I'm still the same person, regardless of my marital status. This section of a form should be eliminated.

deleted_user 10/01/2014

I'm a bit of a rebel-rouser myself. I hate forms that ask such inane questions and I simply leave them blank too!

When I get bills now that used to have both our names or Mr. & Mrs. and now just say my name it does twinge my heart a bit!

I loved being Morey's wife and I loved saying, "my husband said this or my husband did that." My sense of belonging and attachment is very, very strong. I'm having a problem with being a single lady.

I've been attached to someone since I was 17 years old.......that's a long time.

Roz

zonker7 10/01/2014

So I had to fill out a form to update my medical insurance before the next open enrollment and the only two choices were Single or Married. I too wanted to leave blank but insurance company won't accept.

Tomorrow is 9 weeks (why does time keep passing?) and that's the first time I had to actually state it. Hate big companies and the forms they produce.

And Roz I know what you mean. I've known my wife since I was 16 and she was 12 but didn't start dating until 8 years later. First "real" date was 31 years ago last month.

Peace and hugs.

Truhal 10/02/2014

I know why they ask on credit applications. You have community property states and one marital property state(Wisconsin). In those states a creditor can go after the spouse if the other spouse passes away. Therefore,if a person applied for a loan in these states, they would be required to provide information about the spouse. They would be prohibited from getting a loan without this information. In the event of death, the surviving spouse would be required to pay from 50 to 100 percent of the bill.

I live in Illinois. When my husband passed I was not required to pay his hospital bills, or any other bill unless I enjoyed the item too. Let's say my husband purchased some clothing on his credit card, then passed away. I'm not liable for those purchases in Illinois. They could require me to pay if he paid the electric bill with his credit card. If I live in California, a community property state, things would be entirely different. You're liable there.

Creditors used to discriminate against the divorced and widowed. That's why that question is not allowed.

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