Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
As each day passes I realize much more openly that I had lost my husband but the very purpose and the direction of my life was US.
I still am OK but there is nothing that truly just fits perfect like it did.
Granted even with my husband nothing was perfect but that perfect was a good imperfect. Alone and with no clean plans but making it just does not seem even a good imperfect. I can not find that reason for being here that is that meaningful in the way you always felt life should be....Being with a partner made you accept pain, suffering, sadness, anger, upset because you had someone in your corner even if you disagree. Someone had your back, one or the other could figure things out. Just yourself there is change without our permission. Maybe that's what stales us more..we did not ask for this. Reality is reality we find a way to go on but nothing fits to me. Does this make sense? I am ok I wish I was just better imperfect.
I still am OK but there is nothing that truly just fits perfect like it did.
Granted even with my husband nothing was perfect but that perfect was a good imperfect. Alone and with no clean plans but making it just does not seem even a good imperfect. I can not find that reason for being here that is that meaningful in the way you always felt life should be....Being with a partner made you accept pain, suffering, sadness, anger, upset because you had someone in your corner even if you disagree. Someone had your back, one or the other could figure things out. Just yourself there is change without our permission. Maybe that's what stales us more..we did not ask for this. Reality is reality we find a way to go on but nothing fits to me. Does this make sense? I am ok I wish I was just better imperfect.
I do often feel a sense of pointlessness. Almost a malaise, like "why bother?" I know that's the depression that comes with my grief that is talking, but it's so hard to shake it off. Harder still to make sure it doesn't infect my kids, or spoil my relationships.
I so want that one person to share my life with, to happily pass the rest of my days, but at the same time I feel so scared of getting involved with someone.
No easy answers to this, moving on without your love.
I have not been alone in 20 years and he was always here no matter what. Being alone is not doing well for me. I love having my doggies but they are not good with conversation or to hug me when I am sad or give me that all knowing smile....Just a huge void in my life.
In between, just dating around and not really caring about who I was with, very much. I was too busy living it up in the "city."
2 1/2 years really sucks. We should have had more.