Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Just needed to release a quick rant...
I should start by saying that I am naturally a very optimistic and positive person. I have always been a "glass half full" kind of person. Well on June 24th of this year my outlook on life was tested to the full degree when I suddenly lost my fiance Andrew (he was 31 yrs old). It has been almost 4 months of shock, pain and sadness (and a million other emotions I know you all understand). I think the core of who I am remains, that I believe I will feel joy again in some aspect of my life. I describe it best that it feels like all the color has run out of my life but I know the colors will return they just won't ever be the same. Well my rant stems from other people's constant need to force positivity back into my life. One friend in particular sends me quotes like "Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations" and similar things. I know she is trying to be nice, but from my sensitive/grieving/broken heart it feels so hurtful. Like losing Andrew is just "difficult" or something that will lead me to something better in life. I feel quotes like that would be better suited for the loss of a job or a break up. I try to remind myself that she just doesn't understand how it feels to have the person you love most in the world torn from you, but it just feels disrespectful to my situation. I feel I deserve as much time as I need to be in the pain and sorrow of losing Andrew without people trying to rush me through.
Thank you, as always, for listening!
Kelly
I should start by saying that I am naturally a very optimistic and positive person. I have always been a "glass half full" kind of person. Well on June 24th of this year my outlook on life was tested to the full degree when I suddenly lost my fiance Andrew (he was 31 yrs old). It has been almost 4 months of shock, pain and sadness (and a million other emotions I know you all understand). I think the core of who I am remains, that I believe I will feel joy again in some aspect of my life. I describe it best that it feels like all the color has run out of my life but I know the colors will return they just won't ever be the same. Well my rant stems from other people's constant need to force positivity back into my life. One friend in particular sends me quotes like "Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations" and similar things. I know she is trying to be nice, but from my sensitive/grieving/broken heart it feels so hurtful. Like losing Andrew is just "difficult" or something that will lead me to something better in life. I feel quotes like that would be better suited for the loss of a job or a break up. I try to remind myself that she just doesn't understand how it feels to have the person you love most in the world torn from you, but it just feels disrespectful to my situation. I feel I deserve as much time as I need to be in the pain and sorrow of losing Andrew without people trying to rush me through.
Thank you, as always, for listening!
Kelly
I have received cell texts them before I was awake in the morning. like an idiot, I actually put my glasses on, grab my cell, and read them it. hoping it was a family member, sending Love.
Nothing like a knife in the gut, so I cry at dawn.
Yes, people mean well. They just don't know.
Thank God I have not answered them truthfully.
I wait hours, or even all day. then just send "Thank you"
period. If it's really bad, might take longer. or I just forget. it's better than ruining a friendship with brutal honesty and sobbing via voice call. Yikes!
*HUGS to you*
Can you let this friend know that you appreciate her thoughts, and understand that she is trying to be nice and supportive, but you would prefer if she not send you these quotes, you just aren't ready for them at this time.
If there is anything that all of us that have been through this can agree upon, it is that we all grieve in our own way, and we all need to take as much time as we need to work through the pain and sorrow of losing our soul mates.
I remember a few months before my wife passed away, I was at my Aunts funeral, and I told my cousins that they could rest easy she was in a better place, and no longer in pain and suffering from Alzheimers (sp).
Boy a few months later when my wife passed away, I felt so bad I had said such a thing to them, so when they came to my wifes funeral, I made it a point to let them know how sorry I was.
People just don't understand, I told my children, I wont pretend to understand what it is like to loose your mother (mine is still living), if you don't pretend you know that it is like to loose your spouse.
Please make sure to take time for you - it is important.
I'm wandering the Seringety plaines without my mate. The one person who "got" me! The one person who "had my back!" My dearest and most true friend in the whole world is gone.
No moronic sentences will make any part of me feel better, so please don't utter them! Hold me, tell me you're sorry. Ask me, "what can I do for you?" That's all I need for now.
I know how you feel and you're so right on!
Take care of you,
Warmly,
Roz
P.S. This is a safe page to write on. There's no pictures of diseased skin to hurt and offend my senses.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/supporting-a-grieving-person.htm