Agreed. Trying to get my house ready to sell & hiring cotractors or whatever to do repairs -- getting estimates like crazy and never knowing who is telling the truth..... or when something breaks not even knowing what kind of repair person to call.... The prospect of selling & buying another house..... Dan always took care of that stuff. He was very savvy & a great negotiator -- very quick on his feet. Broken or leaking sprinklers.... Really? He always just knew what to do - no matter what. I used to tell him it was a good thing I loved him so much because otherwise I would have really resented him. He was right about 99.9% of the time. :)

Bless your heart. I know what it's like -- but I've been a widow much longer than you have. My husband died 11 years ago but I still miss him something terrible.

And I still struggle with things that need to be done around here that he used to do. Who do I call, and who do I trust? I've been "taken" before, and I don't want that to happen again.

Like you, I HATE the holidays. I'm on an antidepressant and I've hated the holidays since I was a child -- but now that my husband is gone, I get even more blue. I'll be glad when Thanksgiving is over. WE have no real "family" so its just my daughter, son and me.

Please take care of yourself Nicker -- and God bless! Hugs, Lee

I hate the holidays too. I try to put on a "happy face" for the sake of the kids but it's just surface. Everyday as they approach I get a bit worse. I scheduled a vaction in the middle of December just to get away from it all. Of course that will be the kids' only Christmas present but I don't think they will be too disappointed.

I know what you mean. House stuff...ugh! Straight answers...anyone, please?! Paul wasn't handy, he hired people or we knew someone in that line of work. Now I'm in another state, and I don't know a soul here other than my mother, 2 brothers, a few cousins.

I used to do all the minor repairs like replacing doorknobs, washers, complete sink fixtures...Now I'm 48 and loaded with osteoarthritis in my hands. There are days I can't hold a plate nevermind replace a doorknob. :(

I'm facing raising 2 preteen boys on my own. My brothers aren' t the best role models but they are helping a bit.

I worry about my daughter and her husband. They don't have 2 nickles to rub together and my budget is so tight I can't help much. Paul would have found a way.

I, too, worry about facing the rest of my life alone. My entire world has been shattered. There was no warning. No time to "prepare". I've ben in crisis mode since July 5, 2011 when Paul became acutely ill.

I worry about everything. The future, tomorrow, today, the next hour, what's right and what's wrong.

Hold on Nicker, we all get each other through this.
Blessings, Diane

Diane, I sure understand what you mean. I'm glad you at least have a neighbor who will help to fix your roof in the spring. We need more people like that who will step up to the plate for widows. You have been very resourceful over the past years and you can be proud of how much you have handled. I and others here admire you for all you have tackled. Right now I need to have a automatic gate opener installed. It has many parts and I'm a dud with ''fixing" things like this. Lowe's and Home Depot don't install the stuff they sell and won't rcommend anyone either. I know it will get done, I'll just have to scramble a bit and find somebody through the church and word of mouth. Hang in there! You have a terrific track record on getting things done! You'll get these thing done and more!

NewRoads, about your gate opener. Call a garage builder. I had one come out and fix my remote access for $35. Not bad. If I'd had to done it, it still wouldn't work.

Oh my, I have faced so many things on my own at this point, I don't know where to start...
(first it was making all of the funeral arrangements and figuring out how we as a family could honor my husband and his life over the first couple of years)...other than that.....

1. The furnace stopping and having to get the repair guy here and pay the whopping repair bill.

2. The holidays...nuff said...

3. Putting in new carpeting...measuring, finding the right prices, hiring people, making sure it was done properly.

4-10. Other things breaking down: Big screen tv lamp (twice), the dishwasher three times...(both still not working), the computer, electricity going out, car breaking down, buying new tires and having them put on.

11. Selling camper...lawn mower...four wheeler...project car.

12. Closing the auto shop....saying goodbye to his life....

13. Facing my Step Son's death alone....

14. Paying bills and trying to figure out how to keep my home...

15. Losing one job...searching for another....starting a new job.

16. Health issues.

17-50....just too many to count.

I guess I kind of have fallen down and had to scrape myself up so many times since Denny died that I know I can do this. I still don't like this, but I know I can do this....

hugs....
-Diana

I made the mistake of not asking others for referrals and got ripped off on getting a new fence installed. Big mistake. I learned the hard way to ask other people who they used and would recommend. Doing that I got a great recommendation for an electrician who did another repair I needed and didn't try to sell me a bunch of stuff I didn't need, and he got it done in next to no time for a good price. Sometimes the worst part is having repairs drag on and on or having to hang around and wait for "help" to show up.

Nicker, I am not a roofing expert, but my understanding of it is that you should only need to repair the portion where the leak is provided that the there is no rot setting in to the underlayment under the roofing tiles. If the damp has caused a lot of rot, then you would probably have to do a larger area. Especially anything structural or load-bearing that is rotting you should probably replace or repair and reinforce as I think you get some significant snow there, right? (Snow is heavy.) I do not think you will need to do the whole roof. You will likely need some patch work and sealing of wherever it's coming in. You should probably keep it tarped over in the meantime to be on the safe side.

Your best bet is to get recommendations for a roofer from people you trust, and even then, I would tell whoever looks at it that you do not have the budget for a whole new roof. There are still people out there who think every widow inherits a fortune -- when the reality is most of us wound up in financial straits when we became widowed.

As far as your vehicles, it all depends on when the last time was. However, it is a good idea at this time of year to have your cars or trucks looked over, oil changed, and antifreeze checked and topped off. Also get your tires checked - not just the state of the treads - the tire pressure changes with temperature shifts and that can affect traction and handling and also gas mileage.

I know it's always something. After Cliff died, seemed like one thing after another broke down - not just me... The inside the house stuff was covered by our home warranty policy, which I have kept in place all along since we bought the house. Some years I don't hardly have to use it, but some years I have definitely gotten my money's worth out of it. The warranty company has their own approved list of contractors and repair people so I don't have to look for one. I have had repairs done to the fridge, washer, dryer, water heater, toilet, well pumps, pool pump, electrical circuit, sinks unstopped, and my air conditioner replaced - that was a big one - saved me about $3,000. I just pay a service call out fee ($65) and my monthly premiums. I still have it in place on my house in Florida so whenever anything happens my sister only has to call the warranty company. Then I don't have to worry about her or the house.

Like Missingmrsz, I have done a lot of the small repairs but have arthritis damage in both my wrists, so I can't do as much as I used to. That is sooooooo frustrating.....

I hope this helps, and I hope you get it sorted out without too much trouble.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

One of my biggest challenges is our 17 yr old daughter. She is very mature and I let her do whatever for the most part. One of her friends has dented my car jumping on it and the other night he busted the windshield while playing air drums and hit it. (I am not sure about that story) So it has to be replaced. His mother says she will pay for it. (He is a foreign exchange student from Germany) I think the tires need to be rotated....or maybe I need new ones. Hell, I don't know.
The washing machine was acting up. It took me two months to find the receipt for warantee work. By the time the repairman got here, it worked fine. $125 service fee, for nothing just because he came out.
There has been a number of things. I don't think clearly and decisions are difficult because of my MS. I don't trust myself and Randy was good about handling things for the most part. Although there were a lot of things even he just let go and I am still dealing with.
I hate having to do all this alone. My health is failing. Even on a walker, I just can't hardly walk. To go to the restroom alone is a major ordeal and showers? Ha, that is a joke.
I used to say that solitude is a wonderful thing. Boy was I delusional!

About your roof..yes, you can replace part of it....and shjingles are supposed to overlap the metal flashing. It is quite common in the case of insurance claims for storm damage for only part of the roof to be replaced.

Maggie

This is a great thread and I am glad you started it Nicker07. I have been a widow for 3 and 1/2 years and had so many things go wrong in the first two months, I thought that I was living in a bad dream or nightmare rather. Both cars transmission went in a week of each other and I went with my sons (thank God for them) to purchase two used cars. Never bought a car before without Robert in my life. I ended up selling one to my step sister and bought another for my youngest son. There was something wrong with the chimney cap that had to be replaced, water problems in the basement. Plumber called. And so on and so forth. Thank goodness I have a great mechanic who knows my whole immediate family including Robert and were saddened to hear he had passed. The mechanic is good and he is like a friend to all of us and is a fair decent guy we have known for years. We just take the cars to him and have him winterize the car and rotate the tires and he will give the fluids a once over and test drive if necessary and we are good to go. I have to have them winterized soon.

Hi Everyone,

Nicker thank you for posting this, I am coming up on the end of my week out of class... and I am feeling like "Missmyhero -Diana" it has been 4 months, and 19 days. My nightmare list keeps growing, as quick as I can get over one obstacle 2 more are in the way. I pray and try to keep moving but it is so hard because it seems like the people who are helping do the most harm.

My car is down, and I am supposed to be painting and redying the house to put it back on the market to repay the loan (that saved it in July). Furnace fixed right before the warranty expired, plumbing issues.....the list keeps growing.

I keep praying and will do my best but most days I am almost unable to move and fraid to ask for help as I would rather be alone as much as possible.

Looking forward to the end of this year... March only to start this pain over again!

Too many uncertainties!!!


(((HUGS)))

~Theresa~

LISTS. The more order you get into your life, the better you cope! xxxxxxxxxxx

I think you guys are right on the money. Its been six years since I lost my Bella and I can't stand the holidays. I have learned a very expensive lesson about whom I can trust and whom I cannot. I still kick myself in the ass when I think of how bad I let myself get taken. There were signs but I did not see them, and no one knew how to tell me that I was being targeted so..Hard lesson learned but one well learned...
Ok so as far as repairs around the house go....

I have always told my clients to get three bids on/for any job(s).
Be specific about what work you want. set a required start date and and end date and a full description of the work to be done...
Never say to the contractor......so..what do you think when there looking at what has to be done...Only use companies from people or friends that recommend them to you to get the bids.
TELL the contractor that your getting bids when you have them look at the job, and also the you need a copy of their workers comp insurance policy.
If its a big job there will be permits, NEVER agree to be the one pulling the permits. Your responsible if they screw things up and then bolt if you do...Hire only professionals unless its getting the yard cut. and above all...Never pay more than 30% down (with a start and end date) for anything. IF the company is worth a dam its the top amount they will ask for and will be able to cover the expense of the job until their are finished and your happy with the work. Also ask them if they guarantee their work. If they say the can offer an extended warranty show them the door. That's a load of crap to get your money.
Please if you have questions about hiring contractors for any job form Underground to roofing let me know I'll try to give you a good
how and what if you like....

First of all, I never disclose to contractors, car repair shops, etc. that I am a widow. When I am getting a bid, it's "for my husband to look over, so make it detailed". My "husband" now consist of several friends that I can call on & get their opinions on whatever. In a small town, a death would be hard to keep a secret, but in a mid-sized city, even my long-time auto repair shop just thinks I'm the one that now brings in the car. (I've also found Google to be a great friend in figuring out repair solutions).
#5 - Facing the world alone, I have yet to come to peace with (this will be my 4th Christmas alone).

I don't want to jinx myself. Suffice it to say I have plumber, electrician, roofer, etc on speed dial. Unfortunately, as treasurer of my homeowners' association, I'm on our homeowners' speed dial, lol. I'm glad someone thinks I know more than I think I know!