When my kids and I went through my wife's things, we found some surprises. Copy of Playgirl. Journal entries about having crushes on some other guys. This bothered me a little, but not really too much. I know that we spent a lot of great times together, and we loved each other very much. It's too easy to regret something now, because you can no longer do anything about it. Try to look at the whole experience, and hopefully you'll decid it was good.

Shane and I spent most of our time together, other than work. I am a bit envious when some of his co-workers tell stories that I was not a part of, although many had already been relayed to me by Shane.
For years, a group of his friends had tried to get him to go with them on a 3-day ice fishing trip. I knew he would live to go, and about 7 years ago, I forced him to go. He told me there was no way he would be able to be away from me for three days, but I told him we had cell phones. He caved in... he went, he had fun. Part of me is happy that he got to do that, and part of me thinks it is more time that I missed with him...
When they are taken from us, I think we always want more time, and since there is none possible in future days and weeks, we start looking over the past for times that we missed, or could have "spent" better.
I replay some of our "arguments" in my mind, and I regret causing him even a moment of turmoil... arguments are natural and normal in any relationship, but from our unique perspective, there are so many things we regret, or wish we had done differently

Angie

Like you I had 38 fabulous years together & completely in Love and I couldn't of found a more trust worthy husband. We both adored each other... We spent a lot time together during those years, but even I look back and wish I spent even more time now that he is gone.

How are we to know ... Just cherish those 21 fabulous years together because we are one of the fortunate ones..... A lot of people or couples don't get to have what we did !!!

Take care

It's funny how things work out. My wife had always had the biggest crush on Tom Jones the singer. Back in 2005 we went to Vegas and she actually got to meet him. She said that was fun and all but was glad she married me. We all have to remember the little things like that I guess.

I agree, I do feel a little stab when someone mentions something I was not part of, even if it was something I knew about. Before he was ill, my husband spend long hours at work and there were points in our life together were it seemed everyone got to see him more than I did. It never impacted how close we were, because we'd sit late into the night night and have our own time, discussing our days events, out hopes/dreams etc. But yes, I admit while love hearing every little scrap of memory others have of him, it hurts a little that I was not there. When it came to his family, I often was not there on purpose, not because I did not wan to see them, but because he stayed way into the night reminising when they got together and I would always have to get up the next morning for work and I thought it was more important he get to spend the time with them. Now, I wish I had gone and just made him leave a little earlier. But we did have 31 years together. I very grateful for that and still after all this time, when I think back on who he was, still honored that he called himself mine and I loved him right back.

There were a lot of things my husband did without me and vice versa...he had issues with substance abuse, for nearly our whole marriage, issues he had long before he met me. Sometimes he would go out and not come home for a day or two...one night he didn't come home and I found out he was at this woman's house doing up a bunch of cocaine...he said nothing happened other than that, but...I don't know...I try not to focus on the bad stuff...it just makes the pain that much worse..

This discussion reminds me of an old episode of Roseanne. Her friend Crystal was a widow. She kept blabbing on about what a wonderful person her husband had been. Everyone knew that he had cheated on her, but didn't know what to do. Finally Roseanne took Crystal to her husband's grave to talk to him, and she did. It turned out that she did know, and she was angry, but she still missed him.

That episode moved me at the time. It would be so different to see it again.

Angie, I bet you did cherish every moment. Anyone who writes the words you do, lived those words, more than you know.

You just want a "do-over!" I totally get it....me too!!!!

There are so many moments in the last few days of his life that I wish we could do over.......but it's not the way fate would have it. I MUST settle for what we had.....

...And, if I must settle then I'm going to pick the years that we lived, loved and laughed so hard that we broke a table trying to make love on it, that we hugged so hard, it hurt. That we laughed so long that I peed my pants. I'm going to remember the glorious, spectacular, ever-wonderful moments of our love!

Here's to the memories!

Roz