Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

They're Not The Same

Truhal
Truhal
I'm sitting here, coming up with ideas--let's see--a dog and cat boarding place where they put the two animals in the same cage. After all, they're both animals and they have four legs. Let's see--I know-- a tropical bird and chicken farm. We'll put them in the same cage to lay eggs together 'cause they're both birds, aren't they?

As silly as this seems, something similar is going on in a local church. I found it when I was doing random internet searches for a widow support group. So here it is, and I'm sure many of you have guessed it. It's a divorced and widow support group. That's right. Some smart person has decided that widows and divorced people have something in common. After all, haven't both lost someone?

To me this is as silly as the chicken and the parrot laying eggs in the same hen house.
heartsick1
heartsick1
Like
lovedaisies
lovedaisies
Reminds me of when my friend's boyfriend said he thought getting divorced probably was harder than being widowed because of the rejection factor-----At the time it had only been less than 3 months--I didn't have the energy to say anything-----now? I might not be so nice.
Truhal
Truhal
Lovedaisie, someone told me the same thing. I'm an expert on both, having been divorced and widowed to the same man. It's just not the same. I didn't say anything to the woman who told me that, but now I would.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Maybe they want the widows there to make the divorcees jealous?

Just kidding, I'm gonna catch flack for that one. But yeah, when you're an outsider to the issues those in our circumstance have to contend with it's easy to bundle the two groups together. I think that maybe you need to talk to someone in the church, maybe indicate that widows have entirely different issues. It is possible that they need to group the two together because in your area there may not be enough of one or both groups to have serperate support groups.

God Bless, Sal.
Truhal
Truhal
I'm not a member, just found it doing my internet searches. Thankfully you're probably right, Sal, not enough widows/widowers to have a group. Still, I can't see how it would work.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Truhal

I LOVED your analogies! Maybe you should bring it up JUST that way to the head of this chapter greif group, and maybe they could understand then/

That's the BEST explanation I HAVE EVER HEARD on that comparison!!!

DOUBLE LIKE!!! :-)

Diane
deleted_user
deleted_user
They aren't the same. If I could of choose a divorce or my husband to die I would of chose to divorce him so he would still be a live, at least I could talk to him and see him just wouldn't be married to him.

I think they should have gave me that chose.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Not even close--I don't understand the comparison.
NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
They must think that we are all left-overs. We all got left in one way or another. They don't know that the feelings are WAY different. I have experienced BOTH and I can tell you there is 100% difference between losing through divorce and losing through death.
deleted_user
deleted_user
That group is insane! I have been through both and its like comparing apples to oranges. One you chose to end...the other gives you the end without your choice!
DarksomeNight
DarksomeNight
Yes, it is a stretch to include both in one group, a better "joining" of groups would be a general Bereavement/Loss support group.

You can only "choose" a divorce, if you are the one who ends it, but you do not have a choice, if the other chooses to end it.

However, think of it this way...

If the reason they are combined, is due to the inability to have 2 separate ones ...

Is it better to combine the 2 groups, or is it better to have no support group for either side?

It could also be, it started out as a group for one or the other, and someone joined having found the closest choice. So instead of turning the other person away, they welcomed and expanded the view of their group.
michaelbmanning
michaelbmanning
There is a church here that has this group "Single Again" and it is for both divorced and widowed and over 40. UGH! I guess they see single as single no matter how you got there. And they advertise they are faith based.

Maggie
NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
Maggie, I understand your post. Maybe the "Single Again" is more about how to integrate into social circles, handle business alone, take control of your life, and not so much about grief. I don't know. There is no widowed support group where I live, so I am alone other than this board. We are a specific group of sufferers and no one outside this group could possibly understand what we have been through and what we need now. Blessings to all.
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
Both are traumatic losses and impact you on every level, but I think the thing that bothers me is that it obviously wasn't going to meet the needs of either group. Both groups grieve, but some aspects of the grieving are more pronounced I think. For instance, I think the "anger phase" grieving a divorce goes on a lot longer than it does in widowhood/widowerhood. And the finding of one's new self and identity process is different.

I sure hope that somebody set that church straight about it!

Love and Hugs, Martha
deleted_user
deleted_user
Having been through both...your cat/dog in the same cage analogy is spot on. File this under what the hell are they thinking...or maybe they just aren't.

Carla