I hear ya...My grandson will grow up without his grandpa too and my granddaughter. The other grandparents are bad influences and now I have no way to stop it....everybody and I mean everybody in the family looked up to Jim. So now he's gone to a better place. Sure doesn't always make sense. Guess we'll find out when it's our turn. Nobody said life was fair. Big hugs to you Nicker...

Perhaps they are in a better place, it doesn't help our heart miss them less. Do we watch them suffer thinking that should they pass on to the "better place" it will ease their suffering or ours? We suffer after in our loss of them. Why does this happen, why do people who are so needed here taken too soon, taken at all from those who so need them. I sure would like to know the answer to that question.....
My husband died unexpectedly, suddenly, yet still I suffered the loss and his children only have the foundation he gave them. After two years the question has become redundant, a rock in my shoe, always unspoken, never answered...it is what it is....

I could not agree with you more, but my husband's cancer was out of our hands. Even though he refused to acknowledge he was going to die because he didn't want to leave me, I knew how much time he had and played along with him. In four weeks I watched him deteriorate to probably a mere 90 pounds.

I still feel that he should be here with me, but his fate was out of my hands and I didn't want him to suffer ongoing. Thank heavens it was only 4 weeks instead of 4 months.

I understand where you are coming from! Joe was the "rock" for his family and my family. W/O him, it seems his family 'kind of' fell apart. His brothers confided in him and always expected his help. My brother and sister were the same way. Then, of course, our kids.......well, they needed him too. We have a grandson, Joe's grandson--actually, who has no dad in his life. His Papa Joe was the only man who took an interest in how he was growing up. Now, he really doesn't have a MAN to look up to, nor to imitate as he grows. This grandson is also the one, out of 4 other grandsons, who misses him the most. Not saying that the others don't miss him, cause they do, but....... just saying. The grandson's sister doesn't say much about missing Joe anymore, but, he still does. Then, of course, me~~I definitely will always miss Joe.
We all know that death is coming ~~ one day ~~ just wasn't prepared for it to come so quickly! Suddenly, he was gone!
I do know he is in a "better place", and sometimes ~~ many times, wish he was still here. God has His plan and I hope He tells me about it someday.

For Karen, A better place was one that not have pain and suffering. One that did not require Morphine, Oxycontin, Vicodin,every two hours while she sat in a chair to watch TV. It is true that the hardest part about passing it who is leaves behind. We suffer what is lost and could have been, and should have been. You'll be able to tell your grandson's about there Grandfather one day. That is at least a small blessing. I hope this helps

I hate it when people tell me that. My husband was not sick, he was a healthy, happy man up until the moment he died. He left behind 4 children, 2 still young enough to need their dad on a daily basis. The BETTER place for my husband is in my home helping me raise our kids. Just my thought, Dawn

I totally agree. My husband's place is here with us. Our children (ages 11 and 15) still need him. And so do I.

Ah....that Better place statement. when I hear that I CRINGE!!!

I know that G is now in no pain. I am thankful for that....really. BUT the best place for him was and is with US here. With the sons who still desparately need him. With my kids who for the first time felt they finally had the father they had been missing..

Yep, that BETTER PLACE would be RIGHT HERE.

But that's not how it went. Now we are here to try to carry on what he taught us while he was here.

I HOPE FOR HIM that he IS in..... a better place, and is happy, but will always wish it had been different. Much different.

HUGS to all

Diane

I agree with Diane, the "better place" statement makes me angry and a bit crazy. I am glad Phil is no longer suffering, but the better place was right here with the family who loved him and miss him every day. My youngest son's kids will not have their grandpa. My husband will miss seeing the son he was so proud of get his Phd. We will never go to Italy together, I could go on and on.

I know my husband is in a better place, but he is needed here, too. I know he would have given up that "better place" to stay with us if he had a choice. He didn't want to leave us. He died 10 months after he was diagnosed with cancer. He thought he was going to beat it. He had so much to live for. He had a good job, a family who adored him, friends that he made such a difference in because of his optimistic outlook. He was needed here. I don't know why God took him, but I can't help but ask myself every single day why he was chosen to leave his family behind when we all need his so much....especially me. He was all I really had...he was all I really wanted. He was my soul mate. I love him and miss him soooooo much. I can't wait till the day I get to go to that "better place" to be with him forever. But, for now, I just got to keep on keeping on. It's not easy, but I have no choice.

I hear you and feel the same way. My husband was our rock too. The one to go to for advice. The one everyone knew they could count on. We needed him too.
Im raising my child alone who loved his Dad and misses him so much.
Just like everyone who has children.
I buried my Mom after I did my hubby. Buried a brother after that.
My older son is in Iraq leaves there to be deployed to another place.
My niece was on 4 wheeler and lost control she is on life support now from brain damage she is only 14.
I have a new grandbaby that will never know his amazing grandfather.
He was needed here but sadly he is not.
Yep that question why for what reason will always be here.
I hope there is a better place for us all. There just has to be.

My son just this past Sunday made the comment about this subject. A well meaning church lady said You know Dillon your Dad is in a better place. He was such a good man his crown must be filled with jewels. Just think he is walking streets of gold and can you just imagine the mansion he has.

My son replied.
My Dad dont care for no crown he wore base ball caps. Dont want streets of gold he loved mud bogging in his truck. He sure didnt want a mansion he loved log homes. So if Dad is in place like that he is trying to build a spaceship to get back home.
Our kids are hurting so much too for all that is lost. I hope someday we all are together with those we love.
Cie

They might be in a better place but I bet if you could ask them.....each would say they would much prefer to be back here, healthy and with their loved ones.....making memories, watching their families grow and being with their spouses. Everyone hopes to go to Heaven.....or wherever their beliefs tell them they will go......but no one is a hurry to do that.

If believing they are in a better place makes you feel better, then bite that bullet. Otherwise being here and healthy is by far the " better place". We need them and they needed us. Like the others when I hear that I just smile and think BS to myself. So BS it is. Just a thought. Peace Bob

There are so many sayings that people have where they think it is comforting....and it just plain is "NOT" to the person left here with the gut wrenching grief of losing them. This is a good example of why only people who "live through losing their spouse or partner" know. We have a person where I work that recently lost their partner and I tried to comfort them. Another co-worker said "we all know loss and loss is loss." I said that we don't all know what it feels like to lose a spouse or partner and it is different.

Anyway...is heaven a better place? My husband was the happiest man I knew and lived life to the fullest! He didn't want to leave us...including a son and grand son who were the world to him and who are struggling so much without him. Denny and I were like two kids in a candy store living five life times in one and loving it. It was like heaven on earth, even though we lost so many people...we had each other to get through it. Now he is gone too!

People say that they are in a better place because they don't want to live their lives fearing death. I know my husband is in heaven. He was too young to go! The better place for him was here with the people that he loved.

The only comfort I get is knowing that Denny totally believed that when it was his time to go, he would go and he was okay with that. For some crazy reason it was his time to go.... Not fair and way too soon....but his time....

hugs...
-Diana

Cliff used to say that he would have tolive to 125 in order to get everything done that he wanted to accomnplish. But he died at only 55, so there was a lot that was not done. The night before he died, we were driving back home from what was supposed to be my last art show of the season. We talked and talked on the hour-long drive home about all the plans we had. After so many years of turmoil and struggle, things were finally coming together. We talked about our plans for the coming years, the next few months - for us and our boys - and also our plans for the following day. We were going to have "alone time" the next day and we were both looking forward to it so much. Then the next morning he died of a heart attack before we could ever even start the day - much less the months and years that we were planning for us and for our boys.

Better place?? It makes me want to scream... I know he didn't want to go, and that we didn't want him to go. Only someone who has never experienced the emotional wreckage of this kind of loss would say something so stupid.

Love and Hugs, Martha