I'm sorry you have to deal with people who can not possibly know what you are going thru or dealing with from day-to-day. It may be a daughter but that is still NOT the wife.! I know they do suffer, my sons do suffer still the loss of their Dad, but they can not possibly feel my feelings of giving 44 yrs. to one person and how there is a bond there that even they can not fill. As much as they try. It is hard to deal with ignorance, no offence, it's just the ignorance of NOT knowing what you know, feeling what you feel, and it's so hard for some to 'get' it. Unless they have walked our walk and tasted our sorrow, then they should keep still. I'm so sorry for you over this, try to not let it hurt you ! Put your foot down and do what you feel, we all greive in our own way and our own time and we sure do not need to be told when and how abt. certain things unless you ask them for their advice. You see a therapist only if you want to and on your own time. You know YOU better than any one else sweetie, I think you are solid enough emotionally to know if you need to talk to someone outside the family or us. You stand up for you now !
Hugs and best wishes,
Ruthann

Dear Kim,
I understand how you feel. You know your needs right now.,all of a sudden all these people are choosing THEIR APPROPRIATE TIME, to step in to your life and try and fix it. If these people can help you in a tangible way, then the help is appropriate. How dare they step into to your soul and spirit!!!!!
You are very much in my thoughts, please know that you have total support here, we have all gone through or are going through the same things, in different ways...(if that makes sense)
Peace, hope and much love to you Kim.....Sandra

Kim I understand that kind of thinking. Since my husband died in January, I have felt so numb that I turned the TV on for background noise and kept in on one channel!! It is HGTV. We watched it together in the hospital for days. I usually have it on while I play with my dogs, surf the net on my phone, play solitaire, or listen to praise music. I didn't even realize that I was doing that, until Hospice sent me an article about grieving. It said that in grieving, you might feel like you are going crazy!! You may want to stay home , you may find that you turn the tv to one channel and leave it there!!!
I thought Wow!! That's what I do!!!! Anyone else would think I need a therapist!! No, I'm just grieving!!!

Kim, your emotions are still so raw after so recent a bereavement. We all grieve in different ways. My beloved wife passed away on March 14th and my grieving now is different than it was then. A similar change will occur to you and then maybe your husbands daughter will realise that what is happening to you is perfectly normal. Also it is YOUR grief and not hers. The very strong emotions you feel now are perfectly normal, and as it was YOUR husband, they are very different from any grief suffered by the lady in question. the grieving process is its own therapy as I am discovering, ... you don't need any other. I know the pain you are suffering and share your anguish; but as I have said , it WILL be a little less but will never go.

Kim...I wish I had an answer to the question "Why do some people think they have all the answers" but I don't. I have never had therapy but I am finding in my own journey that I might one day. For me the biggest change has been that I do not have all the answers I need to run my own life and I do need occasional help. Finding this site has been the biggest blessing of all for me...to know that I am truly not alone and other people really understand the simple fact that loosing your spouse hurts in unimaginable ways. The pain is as real as if someone literally took a knife and stabbed me. Since I am ahead of you in time on my personal grief journey I can look back on my own and see if I see something now that I couldn't see then. I work a lot...I have always worked a lot...I really enjoy what I do ..but when my husband was here he shared my pride in my job with me...he never liked to work but he really was proud of how I could handle such a position. He also trusted me with our finances...he bitched for 3 years when we got our 2nd home and we didn't have central air because I didn't want to pay for that in our mortgage. He got a Harley..he got a boat...we went on a few amazing vacations...we were both pounding away money for our retirement ...after he passed I worked even harder but not one ounce of what I was doing felt like it did before...I am thankful tho my job was there to keep me from going insane..but the purpose for me was gone...I had to learn that myself. I would work all the time and literally race in my room when I got home...my room is the place where I felt the most connected to my husband. As I look at it now we literally lived in it 24/7 for 3 months before he passed...I think it was my way of holding on. My family was worried about me hibernating in my room. I was pissed ..my defense was ..maybe if others worked their ass off they too would understand how tired I was and preferred the sanctuary of my room. I believed that then..but today I see it was my way of staying connected to my husband. .I couldn't let go...I didn't want to let go. 7 weeks from today I start semi retirement...it was a decision I made 10 months ago...its time for me. Just a few weeks ago I made the decision that I will sell this home...not until spring but when I make these deep down decisions when I AM READY for me and not others I tend to do them. I know the logic of the decision ..house too big...our dream home...but the deep down one is I do need to leave my room....even typing it brings that OMG ..indescribable feeling even now I must slap it out of my head...spring is a ways away. I understand the feelings of frustration of others pushing unsolicited advice brings ...it took awhile for me to let my anger on that go...for me tho some of it was needed and I couldn't see it then. I doubt if I will ever tell them that tho since they didn't think of the turmoil it brought me when they gave it. There is only one way they can truly understand ..and I DONOT wish that for them....that is how I let my feelings of anger go on this. Here we are all on the same journey....different paths ..yet same journey...sending you a gentle hug

Kim, my husband died almost 12 months before yours (25 April 2014). After one false start with a psychologist who was too young and theoretical and inexperienced for me, in July or August I found a counsellor who has been instrumental in helping me through my grief.
I see her more often when the griefwaves hit, and less often when I'm coping okay. She has been terrific.
People just don't get what we're going through. After 11 months the HR people at my work decided I wasn't recovering quickly enough for their liking and sent me to a psychiatrist. I now have a letter saying that, in his opinion, I don't have a psychiatric illness or condition - it's grief, and could reasonably be expected to continue for another 12 months. I think they're surprised!
Do whatever works for you.

People don't get it and they want us to recover quickly because they have never experienced such intense loss. Their intentions are often good, but they are entirely unrealistic.

Whether or not you seek counseling is your choice. It all depends on if you feel it would be beneficial for you. After about six months of trying to handle my grief on my own, I chose to seek some help and went into group counseling. For me, it was a wonderful experience and gave me the tools I needed to move forward with my new life. But it was my choice on my terms.

Hugs,
Val

hiskim, I too have been told I need therapy by two of my children. And I probaby do. My husband passed April 23, 2015 and this journey has been agonizing. And I expect it to remain hard for some time. This is not something any of us are going to just bounce back from. My kids are grieving too, but in a different way and it breaks my heart to see them go through this. I think it scares them to see me this way as I have always been the strong one they came to with their problems and still do. A year ago August I was hospitalized with resperatory failure for a week and that scared the crap out of them. They were used to dad having all his health issues with diabetes, but mom never got sick. They knew that I was spending every ounce of my energy dealing with dad's issues that I was ignoring my own. I understand wanting to stay home a lot. This is my comfort zone. Everything of his is still here except him. There are so many triggers, but if I don't cry and get these emotions out they will be driven further inside and resurface again. I hate leaving the house, but then I hate coming home too. I see his truck and for a split second think he is home. I guess the good thing is I am 59 and if I don't want to do something I'm not going to do it. Period. I have forced myself to make it through so much these 11+ weeks, but still certain things I just know would be too hard. I have been doing some reading and may see a therapist but it will be if and when I decide. The one thing that has been my salvation is coming to this site and having my best friend who went through this 4 years ago. You and she get it. And the hope and inspiratation I garner from those further along than I reassures me that what I am going through is "normal". And yes some people do think they have all the answers. And I have found that in my brittle state at times my mind has a way of twisting thoughts that weren't meant to hurt into something someone said being percieved as hurtful. Crazy! I remember an old commercial I think it was about education. And they said: "The mind is a terrible thing to waste". I keep saying: The mind is a terrible thing! ha ha Hang in there kiddo, we are walking with you and I have hope that things will get better, but on our timeline. Hugs and Love, Michele

I have had the same situation with my "well intended Friends" While they might mean well they have NO CLUE of how this loss has affected me. You are doing what you need to right now to cope. There is no time frame I had to learn that myself. Yesterday I had some one tell me that its been long enough and I needed to start to live MY life. I said very directly this IS my life. Our lives as spouses have forever changed and none of that goes away. I am told it gets better with time but I don't see that right now. While we all travel this unwanted journey together we also travel it alone in some ways. Think of yourself right now. You know yourself better than anyone.

Hugs

Lisa

The only person who knows if and when you should see a therapist is you. Sharon

I agree with the others. You are not even 3 months yet. You are supposed to cry, and mourn. That's how you heal. I would respond, when I need your advice, I'll ask for it!!!... You will know if you need it.....((((hugs)))... Sandee

From your comments your reactions to her comments of needing a therapist it sounds like her delivery was less than concern? And her delivery was more pushy (probably not the exact right word)? Anyway maybe her delivery caused the reaction you are having so strongly?
If so consider the source as they say.

BUT if she sounded truly caring and concerning - feel good she cares & know also your reaction are also your grief. Its very true no one grieves exactly the same, at the same rate, at this short period of time you are perfectly normal in how you are feeling. Most in time know when they are in need of more help. I believe from all that I have read here no one knows how a widow/widower feels in their loss truly other than another widow/widower. They just don't, sadly. HUGs

Here is what I know about therapy -- no one can tell you when you need it, because even if you do need it, you won't get anything out of it if you don't want to go and feel forced into it.

For me, I found that in the past, I never ever considered grief therapy, even though I've lost many family members in tragic shocking circumstances.

When my wonderful husband passed away in October 2014, I went to an 8-week grief counseling group given by a psychologist at the local Samaritan hospice. I went because my mind was really playing tricks on me and my "denial" phase of grief was becoming too much for me. I know for me that this grief counseling made all the difference in pointing me in a healing direction. Am I healed, no way, but am a "stuck" in a bad stage, no way!! So I'm really glad I went.

Looking back on the other significant family deaths I grieved, I really should have gone to counseling for those, because I really became "stuck" and depressed for years, and expert counseling might have changed all that for me.

But again, it's up to you. Also, it's no one's business if you are going to therapy, so even if you choose to go, no one needs to know except your therapist or your group members if a group setting. Take good care of yourself.

OH. Don't get me started on that.

Does she know her aunt is making you move by Christmas? Maybe she is trying to help you find a way of coping with that and the loss. I'm just saying that maybe it wasn't meant to be unkind, but that she may feel clueless as to how to help you.

I had counseling, and I arranged counseling for both of my sons, too. If you had a broken bone, you wouldn't hesitate to see a specialist, right? So how do you treat a broken heart/life/spirit? The answer to that is different for each of us, and for me I knew it wouldn't be a simple answer. I did know, though, that therapy was going to be a necessity for me and for my kids as part of the answer. I did some stupid things in the early days, but getting us all therapy was one of the smart things I did, and I have never regretted that.

I hope your step-daughter's comment was meant kindly and that it was just the rawness of your nerves right now that made you take it the way you have. She may not be thinking very clearly either as she just lost her Dad. I hope the two of you can find ways to help each other instead of aggravate each other.

You do need time to grieve. However, you do need to get out in the world, too. It tends to help if you have a balance between the solitude and grieving and the interaction with the rest of the world. It becomes hard to have a reasonable perspective or see any way out of your difficulties if you stay locked away from the outside world 24/7. Even if it is just to take a 10 minute walk around the block, it helps to clear your mind to get out a little bit. Just a thought...

I hope today is a better day for you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha