That was an interesting article. I wouldnt have like to be back in that time frame. I have only a few articles of black clothing. I would have been too depressed having to wear black for one to two years. I couldnt even wear all black to my husbands funeral..I wore a white blouse with black slacks. It was sad time, but he had went home to be with his Lord and Savior. Yes it makes it hard when people expect you to be thinking of remarrying or moving on....when all we want is our spouses back. Interesting topic...Debbie

At this time of year, I find myself wondering where I could get a black wreath for my door. I don't want to celebrate but I do want to mark the occasion. Another part that is confusing. I think the Victorians were more clear about their feelings than we are. I am tired of putting on a happy face, but it's all anyone expects these days. It is exhausting but I don't know how to do anything else.

A lot of the old traditions make more sense than what we have now. Now, where I live you're expected to be back at work the day after the funeral and a month later it's "So how's your love life?" "What? Not dating yet? Better get on with it"
A black wreath is a capital idea.
Ken

black wreath...I'm gonna get one (not sure what kind) and paint it black, with a black ribbon, and then put blue ribbons and bows on it, (I think prostat cancer is blue, I'll make sure first) doing that after work today

forgot to say, Victorian people were rather dower, stern what ever you want to call it, my grandparents where that way, never smiling, joking just grim old people and I think that is the difference in then and now.
They took life way toooooo serious and today some don't take it at all serious...

I always wondered where a woman would find a black dress back then when her husband passed. It's not like they could just jump in the car and go to a mall. Back then, if you wanted a dress, most women would have had to make them, either by hand or with a treadle sewing machine. I know my grandmother lived a good 10 miles from town. They had a model T, but she only drove it once.....across the field and through two rows of fences. She would have had to have taken their surrey, gone into town, bought the fabric and come home to make it herself.

Today though, there's lots of black out there. Think goth. As far as the wreath goes, any wreath will do. Just put a black ribbon on it.

Interesting article. The weeping veil is a good idea - people don't see the mascara stream - oh, maybe they didn't have mascara ???!! Seriously, I wish I could run away for a while to avoid the ''So what's new?'' questions, and have people leave me alone with their expectations of my ''getting over it''. Only thing - they didn't have internet back then, and I think most of them were pretty stinky!!! We would rely on the Town Crier for DS communication, and I don't think chocolate was as available as it is today - I pass, although I like black. ha ha ha

Emily Post, circa 1922 wrote an entire chapter on mourning. You can read it here:
http://www.bartleby.com/95/24.html

I for one would love to have the luxury of a year or two of mourning. Scroll down the article to read her comments on how a widow should be treated.
Linda

The people back then learned to deal with the inevitability of death, while going on with their lives.. It was a matter of survival. I've studied ancestors and spent many hours reading old newspaper microfilms - and visiting many pioneer cemeteries. This has been a 'passion' for me for many years... Losing several children to one disease was a fact of life that many women faced and survived; showing emotions was not acceptable; losing husbands at very young ages was also a sad fact; childbirth death too. They just did not take life for granted!

I'm not trying to be a 'negative Nellie' here, but we are allowed to mourn those that have gone on before us much more openly now. The awful pain of the loss is still just as difficult as it was then -- however, we have the option to openly cry now...

J.R. has been gone (and is in Heaven, hallelujah...) two years now.. He is still here with me in spirit and though I know he will never come home again -- I have peace in my heart knowing he is with Jesus..

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, everyone, and walk the 'walk of faith' and peace.. Remain "On Eagles' Wings"... My Best Always, Nancee

Nowadays it's true, you can cry openly. Unfortunately, people become uncomfortable and avoid you. Friends and family dissappear in some cases.

I started working back in the 1970s when women were really intering male-dominated fields. I was the only woman in a sea of men. One of the things we women were taught back in the day, was not to cry in public. There were career bood dedicated to this. I find it still true. I'm in another field but am still the minority. I cry and the guys are gonna run for the hills. What was that line from that old Tom Hanks movie, "There's no crying in basebal." Well my list includes work, stores, in front of your friends, the list goes on.

Thanks, Linda. The Emily Post article was very interesting. It's amazing how things changed from the Victorian period to when the article was written in 1922.

This is an interesting thread and I enjoyed reading the articles as well. Just as a different point of view, however, consider the average working-class Americans of that era - they often did not have the luxery of official mourning. I have two great-grandparents, Asher Collins and Emma Bullis who were both widowed early in 1881. Asher had 6 children and Emma had 3. He worked in an iron mine and certainly needed a mother for his kis, and fast, so he married Emma in June. Unfortunately Asher was killed in an accident at the mine in November of that year, so poor Emma was widowed twice in one year! One thing is for sure - life was very hard for widows in those days! Glad I live in this century! laurabp

The Victorians had some good ideas inspite of being more rigid than modern society. I like black. I wear black as it is considered professional. If black could give people the message to keep quiet, I would say yes to that.

Maggie

What's most interesting to me is the amount of time that was officially set aside for mourning. It's just not until after the funeral is over, or until your friends have forgotten and gone on with their own lives, or even one year's time. It's a full two years plus that folks were expected to mourn. I was also reading about other cultures where after a full year of grieving and proper rituals, a celebration would take place, indicating that the person had moved on to another realm. This would serve to help release the grieving ones and allow them to begin living again.

I like that tradition, lovinggrace.

I have a friend from Europe who lost her mother last year. She wore black for one full year. People didn't get it until they found out she was from another country. One unkowing coworker even suggested that she dress as a witch, since she wore black all the time. She set her right, though.