I understand how you feel, but please don't give up! The thoughts and glimpses of the future get brighter each day. Unfortunately, the roller coaster of grief doesn't give warning for the downs OR the ups.

One day at a time.....BREATHE!

{{{hugs}}}
Mary

Don't give up....even though I know that pain inside is hard to bear. Have you tried writing in a private journal (not online) every day or two - or whenever you feel like it? I have always done this, and wrote a lot the first year after my husband died. It helped me just to get those feelings out. I called it "Remembering Frank: My First Year As a Widow." It has been 5 yrs. now, and I still read it at times - but not as often as I once did. For me, the first year of widowhood was the worst. I didn't suddenly feel "wonderful" - but when all those firsts were over, I felt better. You have been through an extremely traumatic, life-changing event. Try to just take each day as it comes, and be thankful for whatever is positive in your life on that day (a home, a car, God's love, family's love, good neighbors, pets - whatever) The gloomy winter weather should be getting better soon, and I hope that Spring helps your sadness diminish a little.
Hugs I- Doye

Oh my goodness, roller coaster emotions! I can't even believe myself how my thoughts will change from one moment to another. I can feel so calm and peaceful and then all of a sudden a thought will pop into my head about who knows what and I will be distraught and hurt and ready to throw in the towel. I can't wait for this period to be over so maybe I (let alone everyone else!) will have somewhat of an idea of how I will be feeling two hours from now!

There are times I get that way too. I want so much to pick up on a life for myself. I never thought it would be this hard. So many brick walls to hurdle! No one to lean on. It's exhausting!

Times like this, I crawl into bed, and take a nap, hoping to wake the next morning, to a better day.

IF other widows can get through it, then so can we. We are here for you. Hugs.

Please stick with us and don't give up! I have felt the same way often, but with the support of my friends here on DS, I manage to keep going. We're both Pennsylvania girls, and we've had an unrelenting, spirit-breaking winter. But I know if we hold on for a little bit longer, warmer days are coming. Perhaps our hearts will be warmed as well.

I had those feelings too. A lack of hope in ever being able to function again. I felt like it had to be a dream, because it couldn't be true. Loss of a spouse is so much more than loss of a person. Our lives, our plans, are torn apart. I had to learn who I was too. You can do it. Do it a day at a time. Just get through this minute and the next. We call it baby steps, because anything more is too hard. And talk with us often. We understand. We have been where you are. Sharon

Don't give up. Things are going to get better. I am a month ahead of you and I had a rough time in February but things got a lot better in March.

God, I know what you are talking about...one minute I feel like things will be ok and the next I'm in the pits of despair. I cry, rant and rave and fall asleep and feel somewhat better when I awake only to have the emanations start over again in a day or so. I can barely open my mouth to say hello for fear of the tears and emanations taking over. All I know is I get one day at a time and I have faith that I will get stronger....I think I am still working thru the why's and I am mad at God.....Colleen