And then I start thinking 'I hope I don't end up living that long'...how bleak would that be?

Understandable questions Wendi. However, the answers are not so easy. I could go on a diatribe of what my beliefs are . . but at the end of the day, it's up to each of us to search for our own quasi-answers that help us process death and dying. Death is as much of life as life is itself. Everything and everyone has a season for living, thriving and having a purpose in their lifetime. I suppose the only true thing we could all probably agree on is that there is an inherent need to fully live our lives while we are here . . as we still have a purpose to fulfill. We may not realize that so easily in the midst of our grief . . but I believe this understanding does come with time, if we hold on and seek out our future purpose(s). Therein lies faith and hope to continue our respective life journeys. Again, we may not always understand, nor have instant answers to our questions . . but with time, it has been proven by those that walk this path before us, we can heal and move beyond those questions that are seemingly lost to us now. Hugs my friend. Hang in there and keep the faith. xo, D

My mom and dad used to say that it is written in a book [somewhere] when we'll die. And, unless we take our own lives none of us know when/how or where.

I believe it's written on the wind!

Roz

I agree with you wendimac, no desire to live that long. And especially wouldn't want to out live my kids or grandkids. Not like we have a choice, and I know this is supposed to get better in time. But am still trying to find the meaning? hugs to you!, Michele

You are still in the very early stages of loss. There is no answer as to why you lost your husband at fifty nine, or why I lost mine at forty one, or why infants die. It is very hard to accept and it just runs through your brain. In the end, for yourself and your sanity, you learn to let the question go and accept the fact that there is no good answer. However, it took a very long time at least in my case to accept that concept. Sometimes the answer is there is no answer.
Hugs,
Val

Not wanting to live for years after losing the love you shared is common. It's part of accepting what is unacceptable. Take your time and mourn your loss. Cry the tears that are drowning you. Let go of the anger in private and feel your feelings. They won't be ignored. And in time you will realize how strong you are and appreciate the life you had and have. I'm so sorry for all of you struggling through this. I thought I would never survive such loss of so much. But I did and you can. Sharon

my two cents, but it has helped me through some rough days. I have believed since I was much much younger and started asking these questions that we are here for a reason and when we have completed this reason our job is done and it is time to move on. It doesn't make it any easier that I have lost him, but it does make it easier to accept that he left so young (61). My Dad passed 19 months ago at 88 and my Mom is still here, now 84. The difference in age is so hard to fathom and yet 61 is far from a child. Yes, he should have had plenty of time to reinvent himself over the next few decades, but for some reason he did not have to. i on the other hand, apparantely still have a purpose to fulfill and it is now my job to go forward, regardless of how hard, continue to strive forward until my job is done. Again, just my two cents...No at 52 I don't want to start over, but here it is ... no choice, so I'm taking it on faith that I will be able to get through this and find a new life with a higher percentage of smiles and laughter than what I have these days

I would love to have 10 more years with my wife, I would take 10 days, hell even 10 minutes, but i can't. I had to learn to accept this long ago, back in 2003 our daughter passed, one day short of 16 months old. We had each other going through that loss, now I feel alone. I do have our son who keeps me going, but nothing will ever be the same.

Early on, I was troubled by seeing people much older than Cliff who were crappy people and were still around. Cliff was only 55 when he died, I was widowed at only 50. I felt guilty for resenting the older couples I would see at the supermarket, hard not to begrudge the happiness of many golden years together that I felt denied. But what was harder, I think, was when I turned 56. (I am 58 now.) I have lived longer than Cliff got to, and it just felt wrong. I am okay with that now, and I have accepted that I might be around a short time or a very long time -- it's a crap shoot if you look at my family tree. I realized I just have to do the best I can with whatever time it turns out to be. I think that's what Cliff would have expected of me anyway. I don't think any of our spouses wanted us to be miserable forever.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Wendimac, so sorry for your loss. I ask the same questions and wish the same. We have memories to go by and that is reassuring. Grieving is very painful, none of us here anticipated this would be our life. Focus on today and when tomorrow comes, then focus on that day....