This is the second Christmas without my husband. The first was horrible. Christmas was so important to him. He loved everything about--the lights, the gifts, the gathering of family. He enjoyed decorating the tree. Me, not so much. I'm the woman who ate pizza for Christmas. I'm the woman who could be by herself on that day and think of like it was just another day. I just never got in to the shopping and gift giving stuff. How could two people be so different?

At any rate, the last Christmas of my husband's earthly life became a huge last minute event. I'd spent the weeks leading up to the Christmas of 09 not planning anything. Then the day before Christmas I was reminded that this would be my last with him(he was not sick, it was a premonition), so I called our family and told them to come on over and he and I litearlly ran out and bought a tree five minutes before closing. He was so excited. And on the day of Christmas, he was like a little boy, all excited to have everyone dear to him there with us. Later, he sat me down and told me it had always been his dream to have family around him on that very special day. He'd been a child of divorce and had never had it. He said he'd never been so happy.

So today I'm remembering that last Christmas and all that it meant to him. And I'm remembering it with a smile on my face. I just wanted to let you, who've just started on this journey, know that it does get better. I'm not saying that it will ever be the same, but the Xmases to come may not be as miserable as the first year.

Oh, well, I'm off to see my Doctor Who Christmas special.