Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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loveddogs 11/30/2015

For me the only day that is hard to get through is today and every day! I still cry everyday and I may forever. Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is near. In the forty years we were together we did celebrate special occasions, but my husband only got a holiday off if it was his scheduled day off. One of those jobs that runs 24/7. We did the best we could to try to rearrange our schedules to enjoy each occasion, but birthdays, anniversaries etc. were always subject to his work schedule. I always dreamed of the Norman Rockwell Christmas and always envied those who had their Holidays off with their family and friends. But the actual date of those occasions is just that, a date. Our 40th anniversary would have been the 21st. Thanksgiving I was so thankful for having him in my life for so many years and what we shared. Christmas is just around the corner. Last Christmas we spent in the hospital, so yes I am looking forward to this Christmas. I love the lights and the music and the inocent eyes of children. It's not about the stuff! It's the meaning that's so important. And the chance to spend time with family and friends on whatever day we can. Many "special" days have gone by in the past seven months since he left. And many more will surely come. Missing him today and everyday, all day is what is so very hard! I don't want to concentrate on the firsts, or the seconds etc. I don't want to dwell on how long ago he passed. I want to always remember how truly blessed I was to have had him for the time I did. And to cherish the memories we shared together. We can easily spend so much time and energy planning the perfect whatever, and just set ourselves up for disappointment. I don't want to plan anything again, I just want to go with the flow. If my plans had worked out, he would still be here!! We have so little control over anything! None of us know where our future will take us, but where ever I go I will know he loved me and I him and they were the best years of my life. I will carry him in my heart and in my memories forever because Love is eternal. Hugs, Love and Peace be with all of you, Michele

lmj90 11/30/2015

Michele

I know all to well your feelings. Everyday is a day missing our loved ones. The pain is so great sometimes its hard to bare. Having no control is the hardest part I think. I try to remember that our spouses are with us. I am here any time. Take care my friend Hugs

Lisa

matoacalady 11/30/2015

Oh Michele, I feel your pain. I am just going thru hell right now, no peace, just the pain of the holidays and his last days. I don't think I can climb this mountain.

Love
Jen

staygolden3 11/30/2015

Morning Michele, I feel ya! I think you are so right to just go with the flow. Life is what happens when you're busy making plans. You're on the right tack but oh what a bumpy ride it is! Thanks for your thoughts!
Love to you!
Darcie

regwin 11/30/2015

Hi Michele, My heart aches for what you are going through. I've been in your place. My husband passed away Thanksgiving week. 2006. My sister died exactly one month later. She was my rock. I was inconsolable at her funeral having to face the future without them. Somehow the strength did return and I did go on to a different life without those two important people. Grief is a process we must work through. One day you will realize that you feel a little more comfortable and accepting. It will happen. It''s good that you feel blessed for all you had. You will remain in my thoughts. Though you may not think so now, Brighter Days are ahead .Love and Hugs, Dolores

debbyneeley 11/30/2015

Dear Michele
You nailed it for me too. There was a post on facebook about something like this, the quote was "A year ago, I would've never pictured my life the way it is now." My response was, " I don't think any of us think of where and what will be next year. Last Johnny was here. We had a day just the two of us. This year he is in heaven, so a very difficult thanksgiving but wonderful all the same."
I got to spend eight wonderful years with him, not only I but everyone who knew and loved him know what a wonderful man he was, that he impacted our lives to where we all want to strive to be the person that he was, that he saw us to be is my greatest blessing. I, like you will just roll with the flow from now on,
We have control of nothing, we can only take each moment at a time. Thank you for your words, your kindness and your strength, you inspire us all.

tableforone 11/30/2015

After so many days with them, the days without them are hard. The good news is that they won't always be. The days will get better. Never the same but they'll improve. Sending you big ((hugs)) and wishing you peace the understanding that the smiles will eventually outnumber the tears.
~John

deleted_user 11/30/2015

Michele,
You loved him so. Thank you for sharing him with us.

It's so encouraging to hear that we will heal and life will be worth living again. Albeit, without the love of our lives with us.

It just doesn't feel right, it feels like I'm doing "stuff" but he'll turn the corner or open the door and be there with me again. I can't fatham a life without him!

We were loved weren't we!!!! I know and understand how much you miss him! I feel the same!

Love,
Roz

deremusl 11/30/2015

Michele, I think going with the flow is the best thing to do for now. If I could make myself do that, I think maybe I could get rid of this enormous amount of anxiety that overtakes me on a daily basis. You're right, missing them every day is so very hard. It's always there, no matter where I am or what I'm doing. I have accepted the fact that until the holidays are over I am going have some really dark days, but each day brings me closer to better days. Thanks for your post. It gave me a lot to think about.
Love and warm hugs,
Linda

AfterMom 11/30/2015

That same day is hard for me too.
I don't want to 'have to' get through all this...can't bear thinking of my future and adjusting to it all.
sometimes I wonder how I never knew this would hit me and turn my whole life upside down & inside out.
I hurt so much.

Shrn 11/30/2015

Progress is made in very small steps. My life changed in 2007. We had just sold our home and moved to an apartment that we owned upstairs from our daughter and son in law who had been managing the house. They had renovated the 3 apartments and we wanted the freedom to enjoy our retirement. Instead he was diagnosed with lung cancer and died 10 weeks later. I thought I would never be happy again.

Yesterday I was listening to a 60's music mix and could vividly remember the memories attached to those songs. What changed? I didn't cry. I felt the loss, but survived. Sharon

cliffskat 11/30/2015

"It's not about the stuff! It's the meaning that's so important. And the chance to spend time with family and friends on whatever day we can." You're absolutely right, Michele, and that's what our family is doing this year. It is hard not having them here, but there are still reasons for this season.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

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