I hear you on this. Yesterday I was out doing gift baskets for a club I belong to. It is something that Bob and I would do together. It used to be a very fun project. Then I realized, I don't really enjoy doing anything. I do things and I love my animals, but no joy. I realized that it is probably part of my depression. I don't know that there is anything I can do about it. I used to love life, now I just tolerate it. I am hoping that it gets better but right now I don't know.

Grace

I am a happy person. This does not mean I am happy all or even some of the time. My 'new happy' is making others happy. the happiness I thought I had in material things is long gone. and a smile from someone is all I am looking for now. Thanks for the post. G-

the new happy. i like that. The old diane was happy, genuinely happy, and blissfully ignorant of what life can really throw at you. Sitting with my love, watching a program, walking, talking, having dinner, seeing our kids together, sharing a smile and a joke. THAT was HAPPY.

The new happy? Giving a smile to someone else. Making dinner for my MIL, waking up without crying, going to sleep without crying. Guess that's the new happy? Remembering him with a smile, and having a dull ache instead of searing pain. Guess that IS the new happy.

Right there with you.

HUGS Diane

The "New Happy" . I like that, don't know I can find my new happy, but at least it's a goal to aim for. I just miss my old happy so much that maybe there is no new happy for me, or maybe I just don't want a new happy, yet.

I love this term - "new happy". I have begun to experience a little of that. I still have choir rehearsals and church, dinner with girlfriends and traveling. In those situations, I can feel happy again. Sometimes, even at home alone, I am finding some happiness enjoying my home and personal accomplishments that I am proud to have done. But "true happy" is gone forever. I miss Wayne so much and can't believe I will never hear his sweet voice or laugh at his incredible wit. He brought such joy to my life and it is so unfair to have to live without it. Thanks for sharing this observation. I guess I am beginning to heal, too, and I am grateful for that. Claire

I'm adopting your phrase, Truhal..."new normal" doesn't have nearly enough in it, and to be frank, nothing will ever be "normal" again in my world.

I figured out quite a few years ago that one of the reasons for being here on earth was to take care of Vern through sickness and health and that was my honor to do so. And the other purpose for my life here was to make people smile, laugh, feel good about themselves...and I find myself trying to do that even while struggling with him being gone.

This is going to be a brand new road for an old girl to start out on, but with friends like I've found here I've got a shot. Thank you for sharing your "new happy" with us...you just gave me a wonderful gift...a smile. Bless you...

My life has gotten better since I journal everything that eats at me and discuss it at counseling.

It has been 2-1/2 years and I really wish that "well-meaning" people would lay off me about the new companion bit. I am starting to say that your comment is hurting me, which it truly does. My life is fine the way it is. I don't need someone planning it out for me.

I've arrived at the new happy. No where near as happy as I was as when Jim was here. Not really happy but not as unhappy as I was at first. Although when I have days like I did yesterday I truly revert back to unhappy. Everything went wrong yesterday and I was upset. Well it's a new day and I hope it's better today......Hugs

Hi,

The timing for this post is perfect. Yesterday afternoon, my Mom and I watched an Oprah Lifeclass show about a woman named Christine McFadden. It was very powerful and we cried through it. Basically, this woman went out for her normal morning walk with a neighbor and came home to find her ex-husband's truck in the driveway. He had killed her four children and then himself. It was a terrible, heart-wrenching story.

I was so glad that I watched it, though. That woman, although she was so devastated and not sure she could go on, she did go on. And for sharing her story and her pain, she saved at least 16 other people from taking their own lives. When they saw her and the show, they realized that they could go on, because she had. She met three of them on a subsequent show.

Some of the things that I came away with, was as you are describing, a new "normal" for life after loss. It is not the same and will not be the same. We cannot make it the same, but what are life is after, is the new normal for us. It also reminded me that despite terrible events or loss, we can stil go on, one babystep at a time.

Peace to all.

Shar