Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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loveddogs 10/26/2015

Ok, so I made it past the sixth month mark! But the loneliness is overwhelming. I so miss the daily interaction, the banter, the calls, the peck on the cheek, just the idea that someone here loves me so unconditionally as I still do him! I can't share the daily news about what the kids are doing. I still have no energy to get anything done. He is not here to keep me company. No sense cooking, cleaning, yardwork, he was the reason I did those things. Trying to make our home more comfortable and now there doesn't seem to be a reason. And I am too exhausted anyway. I can't bounce ideas off him, or get his opinion on anything. The kids are doing well, the boys don't talk about him, and my daughter is so busy with life as it should be. I feel lonely in a crowded room. If I go somewhere or do something I can't come home and share my day with him, or listen to what he has been up to. I can't listen to music, I can't watch any of the shows he loved to watch, I can't even watch the same news chanel. This is just pathetic. My daughter is going to have a baby boy in February. This will be our first grandson. I am so tickled, but he won't be here to share the joy. He so loved and doted on these little grand daughters. He was robbed of this pleasure, I was robbed of sharing EVERYTHING with him. The pain is always there, sometimes I can push it under the surface, but often I can't. Is this what my future has in store for me. Living this life of eternal loneliness? There has to be more. How do I change what I have known for 40 years? What I depended on, who I was? I just don't get the reason behind this level of cruelty. How am I to believe that the future will get better when my beliefs have been shattered, crushed and spit back in my face as if mocking me. I want to shut my heart off. I know if I open it up to anything or anyone with joy will come the pain of not sharing with him. Have we all not suffered enough?? There has to be an answer somewhere out there. I just can't seem to find it. If time is the answer, then let me go to sleep and wake up when this agony is over. yes this will supposedly make me stronger, but I was strong enough. I don't want to be stronger. I know this is the price we pay for loving so, but really? As this crazy world continues to spin here we are, trying to just survive one more day. If not for all of you I never would have made it six months and I am truly thankful to all of you for that. No one else "gets it". nor do I think they even care. Sorry for the ranting, just needed to have a pitty party I guess. Hugs and Love to all, Michele

KimKos 10/27/2015

Michelle...6 months such a short time but such eternity in this journey. I like what Gerry said about time itself does not heal. As I try to reflect on my own private journey honestly I struggle to remember much the first year.l guess for me my first year was spent doing everything I could to try and fool myself that it didn't happen. Like it was just one very very long day and he was at work. Lonely in a crowed room.....the bigger the crowd ..the lonelier I felt. I cannot believe that I am in the place I am in now and I will always thank my strong tower for the strength that he gave me to keep my physical body alive and those here at this site that supported me through my emotional state. I don't feel stronger per say and like you I feel I have always been strong enough..... but there is a huge change in me today. Trying to put what it is into words is not easy but I feel its a huge spiritual awakening. Maybe my entire life I kept my strong tower and my support system separate and they are now coming together. I am so happy to call you a friend ..even though I am ahead of you on this journey you have helped me in ways I never knew. Maybe its in the way you share...and maybe its just that you love dogs...I haven't a fricken clue...but it is nice. Congrats on the up coming grand son..I did go through the birth of one without my Jim and I felt a lot of heart break about it happening at first and then I shifted my thought process that if the loss of a loved one could bring such hurt then the arrival of one should bring such joy. I will admit the depth of the hurt emotion was much deeper but the more I focused on the joy of the arrival it lifted a little more each time. Sending hugs and love your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rainbow27 10/27/2015

I also struggle with the loneliness. No family in immediate area, so going through this with support of girlfriends, many who are married so they listen but do they really get it - not really. I did join a support group and still go because I need to still share and get support. We also meet on a different day to have lunch and go to a movie. It is a comfort to be with these wonderful ladies who know the pain, the loneliness of going down this path. I just try and take it one day at a time. Volunteering helps so much. My dear friend and neighbor has stage iv cancer so I also try to be of help because she is alone. I miss my husband, my best friend, every day. Much peace to all ....

erisedx 10/27/2015

I am right there with you, Michele. Today is six months since I lost Rick and I could have written every word in your post. (Except no grandchildren yet!) Just feeling raw and right there with you.
Hugs and waves,
Jennifer

AfterMom 10/27/2015

Michele,
I am with you, and totally "getting" your post.
I was 42 yrs married, 42 years with my H. Now I am so lonely. I am at just hitting 7 months. Don't know where time went- certainly not into Progress. Quite sure that this is becoming harder, not easier. I wish I had at least known that he was going to die. wish I had some warning and had known how precious those little moments were.
Thanks for being here, Michele.
No one in my family understands, but at least I am not completely alone HERE.
xO

loveddogs 10/30/2015

Thank you all for your wonderful responses! I know everyone here understands all too well this agonizing journey. Trying to keep a positive attitude when my heart is so crushed takes quite the effort. Outwardly I probably appear ok, but if only those around me could see the pain I am in. It's just crazy how one minute things seem to be progressing and the next I am flooded with tears, just the slightest thing can set me off, sometimes it seems like nothing sets me off. I know I will always mourn my husband, how could I not. I just never knew that this level of pain was even possible. Yes I have a future, and it's up to me to make something of it. I am so blessed to have my kids, my grands and a new baby on the way. I have a wonderful family and friends, I am trying to face this demon head on. I am tired of being tired, I want things to matter again. My problem is I want it now and know that won't happen. I just want to say to all of you who've been so supportive to me when you all are grieving to, THANK YOU, for being so selfless!! To those further along, you give me hope and inspire me. To those more recent, we all do get what you are going through. We are so blessed we may come here to share and support each other. Here's to better days for all of us! We did not chose to be here, but thank goodness we have each other. Hugs and Love, Michele

Nicker07 10/31/2015

Your words of loneliness is one of the most talked about words in this loss of our spouses. No one truly understands the little things this loss is about until they have been there. I still miss Roger drinking a cup of coffee with me in the morning, reading the paper just before we feed than coming back in for breakfast or? As you move on in what is called the new norm you just still have the lonely to fill up, while you do move forward more and more there are never enough moves to fill lonely (alone) totally. But you do find your steps to help as much as possible. Ranting about it helps get it off your chest as they say. Hugs

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