Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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The Last

Truhal
Truhal
My husband passed March 31, 2010, so this is my year of first. And yet, I find myself thinking more of the 'lasts' instead of the 'first.' Sometimes, I find myself straining to remember our last dinner together, or the last movie, the last time he said he loved me. Sadly, I can't always remember. So much taken for granted.

I do remember our last movie though. It was Avatar and we must have been the last people on earth to see it. Both of us felt we wouldn't like it, but finally we decided to see it. And we hated it. We laughed on the way home, talking about it, but promising not to cruely mention our feelings to the many fans in our circle of friends.

So bittersweet, but I think if I hadn't hated the film so much, I wouldn't be able to remember the last film we saw together.

Anyone else out there have a "last" they'd like to share?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Like you, there are many things that I have "forgotten!" That angers me but I understand that it is all part of the grieving process. Someday, hopefully soon, I will rejoice in remembering some of the little nice things. For now, it seems that the only memories that creep into my mind are of the last couple of weeks which were horrible!!! About three or four days before my husband died -- maybe a week -- we transferred him from our bed in our bedroom to a hospital bed in another part of the house. For the life of me I can't remember how that transition happened or when. That has me upset! Good luck to you.
Truhal
Truhal
My husband was a big holiday person. I'm not. I've had pizza on Thanksgiving. Christmas too. Last year, I'd decided not to do anything for Xmas. The day before the holiday, my husband looked so sad, saying that he really wanted to do something. Now, it was 4:30 on Xmas eve, and I'm thinking, this is crazy, but let's do it.

I called my father and told him to come over for Xmas, then DH called his daughter and told her to bring her family over. Then we ran to the store, searching for whatever we could find. It was hard, most things were gone. It was five minutes before closing time when we ran into a store to buy the Xmas tree. Then it was home, and I ran around decorating and fixing some of the food.

My father hates to visit. So, I'm thinking he would cancel by the next day. My husband wanted him there so bad. Even planning to pick him up. Then Xmas morning came and my father surprised us by not canceling.

So later that evening, we had our first XMas as a family. There was DH, his daughter and SIL and their two kids my father, our bird and our wonderful dog. Our granddaughter was only 2 months old, so this was especally touching.

I remember the smile on DH face as he sat there with his entire family. We ate, played games, watched the dog play with the kids. It was wonderful.

I remember sitting there, knowing it was our last(a premonition from the Holy Spirit), and so happy that I'd decided to celebrate the holiday. It was our last, but the memory of that special day will last me a lifetime.