Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I saw an old couple on television this moring. They married in 1937 and are still happily married today. You can actually see the love between them after all of these years. She's 93 and he's 98. Remarkable.
I saw another old couple today. They were both in their 90s and holding hands. Most of the time, this would have made me think about how cheated I was not to have my DH still here with me. Normally, I would have thougth how unfair it was that these two still had each other in their 90s while I sat here at 53 alone.
Not this time.
This time, I looked at the couple with different eyes. I thought to myself, why not me? Why must I be cheated out of a relationship like theirs. I did the math. If I married one year from now at the age of 54 and lived another 40 years, I too could be part of a happy couple. It's very possible to be married the next time longer than DH and I were together.
I have a great-uncle. He's 98 and his wife is 93. They're still together. Still happy. They've weathered a lot of storms.
I'm a widow who still wears her ring. But today, I'm seeing the possibilities even if I'm not quite ready for them yet.
I saw another old couple today. They were both in their 90s and holding hands. Most of the time, this would have made me think about how cheated I was not to have my DH still here with me. Normally, I would have thougth how unfair it was that these two still had each other in their 90s while I sat here at 53 alone.
Not this time.
This time, I looked at the couple with different eyes. I thought to myself, why not me? Why must I be cheated out of a relationship like theirs. I did the math. If I married one year from now at the age of 54 and lived another 40 years, I too could be part of a happy couple. It's very possible to be married the next time longer than DH and I were together.
I have a great-uncle. He's 98 and his wife is 93. They're still together. Still happy. They've weathered a lot of storms.
I'm a widow who still wears her ring. But today, I'm seeing the possibilities even if I'm not quite ready for them yet.
It wasn't till near the end I mentioned to her that my husband had just died. Her eyes filled with tears and she told me her high school sweetheart, 1st husband and father of her children had been stricken with a rare disorder at 27 and was completely bedridden till his death in his early 30's. She had to take care of him for about 6 years.
Then she told me of her daughter who had one child who swallowed a bottle of aspirin at the age of 1. The dtr became a vegetable basically who needed round the clock care and never developed past the mental age of a 6 month old. Her dtr had so much guilt that she devoted her life toward caring for her and then her granddaughter died around the age of 26 about 8 months earlier. Her dtr never had other children because of the work involved in caring for this one. Since the granddaughter died her daughter had become so depressed that she never left her house and cried constantly. The mother talked how hard it was to see her dtr never really have a life because of having to care for this child and now that the child is gone, she is inconsolable and still has no life.
I had sat there all evening envying this couple and would not have known the truth if the subject had not come up. Just want to say - sometimes we don't know what older couples have gone thru in their lives - we just make assumptions.
As I said of my great-uncle and aunt in my post, weathered a lot of storms
I tell myself that God must have other plans for me and for some reason, called Chuck home. As hard as it is, our time together is done, at least the physical connection.
I don't know what the future holds for me, but I'm trying to move forward through the tears. Neither one of us wanted the end result to be him dying, but I know that Chuck would want me to be happy and develop a new life.
Several times, when he was ill, he would pop out a suggestion what I should do when he was gone. He knew it would be tough. What a guy! I miss him terribly. I asked him if I had his permission to be happy again..he said "yes, of course." Getting to that point is the hard part. Take care everyone...hugs and peace...Nancy
Funny, but since he passed I really haven't viewed other couples and their longevity, for the first thing I think of is how one's life could be cut short in an instant. My 38 years with Richard was wonderful, and worth waiting to join him again. Everyone is different with their view of their future and that's OK. Whatever makes us happy. For me, there is no love to share with anyone else or to build another life with. That love is reserved for the partner I lost.
We didn't dream that cancer would rob Richard of his life. But I don't believe God decided it was his time by striking him with cancer and suffering just to take him. That's not the God I believe I have a relationship with. Nor do I believe God took him so I could be left behind and go through suffering out of love, because he has better plans for me. That's not the God I believe I know either. If it is, then I'm dealing with Satan, not God.
One thing I have gotten out of this is to be kinder to others, including strangers. Of course, I never realized what widows go through till I was one. We never know what others have been through or are going through. At the beginning there were many strangers who were so kind to me and sometimes that simple kindness pulled me out of the depths of despair that day. I try everyday to pay that back. I did not find DS until 2 yrs. into this but the kindness of DS friends continues to make a big difference for me. Take care, Sandra