My husband took great pride in our large perfectly weed free manicured lawn and beautiful flower beds. He always trimmed and power edged perfect straight lines on the edges along the driveway. I am lucky to have the energy to cut the grass, I can hardly hold the weeds hacker long enough to do the whole yard around trees, flowerbeds etc and cannot even start the edger. I fertilized already and raked flower beds but can no longer afford to buy flowers and the yard will be far less perfect now. Already got into it with a new neighbor over the fact that I haven't cut the path outside my fence ( and also outside my property line). I told him I lost my husband and he would be lucky if I cut the grass so if he wanted the path cut he could do it. If I had any money at all I'd run away with you. Sigh too!

Kim that irks me too,
When something I have been trying to get round to, has been bothering me for ages and I just don't get the time to do it. Then a well meaning friend or relative will come along and just "rub it in more!!"

You must have been an amazing gardener, to be involved in tours.
Sending you my love and prayers my friend,
Sandra

I'd run with you to a maintenance free oasis! My husband took care of the yard , I would help but he took care of the grass cutting and such...I won't be buying much flowers either . I did manage to rake the front section to detach the dead grass this past week end, tidy up and mulch the front flower bed but that's about it. I so dislike cutting grass !

Right now is the time for you to worry about you and not what others think or expect from you. Your first priority is healing from your loss and getting through the days ahead. It's not fair for anyone to judge you. Don't allow anyone to come ahead of you or make you feel bad. You are number 1 now. Sharon

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I do understand. From a combination of the economy, my husbands health and some bad advise, we lost both his 20 year old business and our house. I felt like I lived in a constant state of embarrasement for quite some time. It took me a a long time to get past it. I grieved for my home ,for my garden, our outdoor seating areas, my kitchen that he build for me, the all season porch he build and wainscoetted all while recovering from a heart attack. I loved that he loved to sit out and watch the birds especially in the winter with the snow on the ground. My mourning for this past life almost butted up to this deep mourning for him. I feel like I was just getting back to me when he got sick again. Makes me want to run away too. And makes me sad, that our last few years together were so stressful for both of us. But, I guess grateful too that we weathered it all w/out alot of stress between us.

Add me to your run away list... I am packed, and ready to go.

Egad people are so darn clueless or insensitive or both! Ignore. IGNORE. You do what you can. I've got osteoarthritis so bad I was using a wheelchair in the few months before my husband died. He would drive me to work and wheel me to the office, and back to the car when I was done. Now? I don't really know how I'm going to get to work. This would've driven me insane with worry before he died....now? I don't worry about it.
You worry about you. I also used to love to garden though I wasn't much good at it. Can't do it now so I'm thinking about container gardening next summer.
Hugs to you

I always wonder what kind of mind thinks to say such things. There is the chance that what your neighbor said came out wrong and it will dawn on him/her someday. Don't hold your breath waiting though.

People will say all kinds of dumb things, please don't take it to heart. Even when they mean well saying the wrong thing is easy because they have never experienced what we have. I'm wondering if your neighbor knew how much you love gardening and was trying to cheer you up. I started driving my wife's car to work occasionally, so it wouldn't just sit, and a coworker said to me "you got the life". Instead of getting mad and letting it ruin my day, I just chalked it up to he's an idiot.
As far as what people think of you, live your way, for yourself, not them. Do it one day at a time, and you will find your way.
Eric
Oh, and if I win the lottery, I'll buy an island and make it for widows & widowers only, so everyone can have somewhere to run away to.

Kim..like everyone says ..worry about you ..let that ignorant neighbor go...for every hurtful jerk there are 5 good..sometimes we just can't see because a jerks ignorant words get to us...sending you many hugs

So sorry that you feel overwhelmed. Three years into this journey, there are days I feel the same. I am a note writer. Whenever I think of something that needs to be done, I write it down. I go through my small stack of notes daily and priorities them. Eventually they get done, or not. Tell you what, pack your bags and come to sunny California. I can use good company.p.s., you can tell me why my azaleas aren't looking too good.

Just take it all a day at a time, make a list.... My husband also did all the yard work, trimming, etc. I had to hire a lawn man to just do the backyard, and I still maintain front of house. Makes me want to run away at times. Will do the best I can to maintain it all, maybe not perfectly and that is okay. We are here for you....

I have to add this also. While Don was in the hosp. the last time, I went home for hours at a time for three days to clean the house prior to bringing Don home. In that time frame our very old dog died, and this same neighbor asked if I thought the dog died because of the noise of the carpet shampooer? Then he said, "just kidding".

Kim,
I am sorry your dog died. That hurts.
Can I personally go around to your neighbour and give him a kick!
He is is insensitive, he's funny.
My love to you dear Kim,
Sandra

Ok, I was wrong, your neighbor is a jackass, sign me up for giving him a kick too. I just wouldn't talk to him anymore, no big loss there.