Dear Morita,
Don't push anything....please wait until you feel you are ready, it may take a long time, only YOU will know when is a good time.
I still wear My husband Ben's old red hoodie sweater, especially at night. Feels likely wrapped in a huge Ben Hug.
I understand how you feel. Believe me, be good to yourself...Don't rush anything,
Sending you lotsa love and hugs.......Sandra

I would carry on doing what feels right for you. Ericas wardrobe is still intact with all her clothes with just a hint of the Opium perfume she loved. Hugs Peter

Some things I picked out to give to our son, some things I threw away [like the Birkenstock's that had every wrinkle indent from every toe], it was so hard for me to see them I made the kids take them.

Just like we all have favorite things that we like to wear, I saved some of his favorite shirts and sweat shirts. He loved tank tops and he had his favorite shorts, they sit in the closet on the shelf or are hanging from hooks on his closet door.

It's my ode to Morey closet! Some things just can't be rushed!

Roz

Rob and I shared a large walk in closet and his clothes are still hanging or on his shelves -- after almost 6 years. I just never felt the need to clean out or pack them away. Do what (and when) it feels right to you.

At nine months I have been going through it little at a timeI gave all his ties to his brother in laws, nephews, best friends. They loved getting his ties and they let me know when they wear it to a special occasion. The male members of our family all wore them Christmas Eve to church. Some of them text me photos of them wearing his tie and I love getting these photosit makes me smileI am down to a few suits and kept some his favorite pieces that I will always have. You need to do what makes you feel good but the best part is I had all his t-shirts made into a quilt which is my favorite piece.

My husband died 2 years ago. Starting at about 6 months I started giving away or donating his clothes and shoes. I would go to the closet and take out a little at a time. It was over a year before i could donate his suits and ties. I did a few at a time and knew he would hope someone would be helped by the donation. I still have a chest full of his racquetball Tee shirts and gym clothes. Do what you want to, when you can. At first the only way I could sleep, was wearing his knit Pajama top and hugging his pillow. I still hug that pillow each night. Hugs to you.

I had to move right after I lost Tim. That forced me to have to go through things right away. I kept anything I thought our Son's would fit into and gave everything else to Goodwill. I think I am glas I was forced to puge right away.
Take your time and do it when it feels right.
Hugs, Sandi

Thank you for your input. It's one less thing to do for me right now. Sandra, glad Ben's hoodie gives you comfort. Peter, I wish I didn't wash everything after Dan died. I would have liked to have a scent. Roz, I'm glad I don't have to rush. 'loving rob' 6yrs; the way I feel right now, my kids can go through both of our closets when I die. Or maybe I will change my mind at some point and donate like Carrie, Beka & Sandi. The idea of a quilt sounds neat. I don't sew, but maybe I could research on where to have a small one made. I also thought the men who had pics taken when wearing your husband's ties, was a cool tribute. Margie

I haven't cleaned out his closet yet...at five months, just haven't been ready to do that. Today however, I did clean out the cabinet in the master bath. That was harder than I thought it would be. Many tears were shed. I ended up keeping a few of his things, his razor and his favorite aftershave. Cleaning out his closet will be done in time, but there is no hurry. I will know when it is time. Don't rush yourself this is a long difficult journey for all of us.

I'm not ready at 5 months. When i start i am going to make a quilt for my 2 little grandsons out of his jeans. My daughter expressed interest in pillows made from some of his shirts with the button plackets running down the front. I like that idea. Something to hug. I hope you are able to deal with all the sorting through in your own time.
Hugs ~ Bailey ~

As long as his things don't upset you, take your time. I fell to pieces every time I seen his things. I thought the faster I donated them the faster I could get through this. And for me, it helped knowing he was helping others by me donating them. But as we all know we are all different
Rachel

to: metwodogs, sorry you've been sad. I, too, have looked at his razors, etc. and it triggers a lot of crying, etc. That's why I shut the closet doors and haven't gone through his things yet. But Carrie's and Bailey's ideas of making pillows or a quilt sound uplifting especially to get through the job when it feels right. Thanks for the input.

rebl. Just wondering..did donating his clothes, etc. quickly help you get thru some of the grief quicker since you didn't have to be reminded so much of your loss by looking at his belongings? And it is good that this helped others.

I took a different approach, along with Rachel's. I didn't know anything except when I saw her slippers, bathrobe, etc, I just about was unable to breath. I had no one to help, but I had to get it out of the house and that is what I did. Then by the end of the first week I had all of her clothing, purses, shoes, coats, everything, packed up and took it to our son's to let them go through, give to the DIL or her family, or give to charity. But I figured I needed to get it all out of the house as quickly as possible. You have to remember I wasn't a member here then, and so I had no one to ask or to give me advice. Some things were overlooked by me, and everytime I ran across something personal of hers, it set off another round of deep grief for me. But what I've found with all the triggers is that the first contact is so sad, but each time after that is better, and then the good memories can begin. Just do what you're comfortable with -- never a right or wrong way in any of this -- we all get a free pass and can do no wrong. ~ Scott

The day before Cliff died, he had done all his laundry. The only things I had left with his scent on them were the clothes he wore that last day and his bathrobe. I kept the bathrobe and used to sleep in it - I could pretend he was holding me that way, and it helped me sleep. His jeans I left hanging on the bedroom door for months, until I realized I was subconsciously hoping he was coming back, and I didn't feel that was a healthy thing for me personally. I went through all his other clothes and tried to find others who could benefit from them. Cliff was the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back, so it seemd the right thing to do. Unfortunately, there wasn't really anyone his size in our circle. I saved a couple t-shirts, but bagged up everything else and took it to Goodwill. It was the day after Christmas, which was 6 weeks after he died. It was good my sister went with me; I cried like a baby afterwards, but I knew it is the sort of thing Cliff would have wanted me to do. He did a lot of charity work, and I know it was right for me/him/us. I think I found more stuff in the back of a closet a couple years later, and donated those, too.

There is one thing I will never give away, though. His wedding shirt. I sewed it literally by hand for him - I didn't own a sewing machine at the time. I still have it, even after all these years. It was a good reminder of what we had. I allowed myself little things like that. The rest was just "stuff," and didn't feel significant.

I asked my older son which of his father's things he wanted, as being firstborn he got first choice. He thought for a moment and then said, "Nothing. It's just 'stuff' and that's not how I think of Dad. Dad wasn't about 'stuff.'" Which was true. I did keep a few things aside for my sons - Cliff's jewelry, watches, that sort of thing. But I guess it's whether it gives you comfort or causes pain, and even with the things that cause pain, you may need to hang onto it for awhile as you process through all the emotions of the loss.

Eventually, you won't need to hang onto his clothes. If you feel you need to have them, then don't worry about it now. In the beginning, hanging onto everything kind of insulates us from the reality that they are gone and not coming back. I think that is probably a necessary thing early on, but for me I don't think it would have been helpful to hang onto it all for a long time. That's just me though.....

I can try and find the thread about memory quilts and shirt cushions and such and bump it back up.


Love and Hugs,
Martha