Unfortunately, some people ask, with the best of intentions until it slaps them in the face, oh crap shes not doing good, what do I say or do, shoot.. I dont know what to say or do. So when a friend asks how I am doing, I say I am ok. in actuality I am really ok. I may not have my husband, but I wil and am ok. I may not be fine, great or superb, but I know sean would want me ok. What if he asks how you are doing and you say your doing ok, and then move onto something else... he may also be grieving, and the truth as they say hurts. No one knows sometimes what someone is feeling or thinking. Sometimes a white lie is better than an in your face argument on the facts... I have had to learn this the hard way, with my old besfriiend. I stopped hearing from him, and I think its because he feels responsible for when Im sufffering, and he cant make it ok for me... Just know we are here for you, to vent however you are feeling for however long you feel it. Much love and big hugs carla

I am sorry you are in such a situation, nd that your Grandma is so sick. But, I think you should move on. This guy is unlikely to change.
He may feel threatened by your emotions, and wants only positive answers. Then it can all move on to you and him. I had that situation happen once, and it ended very badly. People that can only take a positive response, or that question your sincerity when you say you are fine, are like emotional blackmailers. It would be better to move on, and find someone who is more likely to understand. Trust me.

I wrote this out on Facebook back on March 1st because I got tired of the same question. Here is how I answered.


So I have had an interesting day and over the last week I have had a few things said to me and asked of me. The most common "How are you doing" I am surviving, if I give you that answer please know I am not dodging your question it is an honest answer. The complete answer is right now life sucks but I am here, I am not running away, I am still standing, still not sleeping well but I am here. So simply put I am surviving. I am dealing with my own depression not everyday but today was definitely a bad one. I don't want to come out in public and play but that would be giving in, and I am a fighter not someone who gives in. So the world I will face.

I have been asked if I am mad at God by a few different people. I answer them all the same, What do I have to be mad at God about? Yes my wife passed but He did not give her the disease it was a product of this fallen world. Could He have saved her physically if He had chosen to, Yes. To an extent He did just not in the way I wanted. I have no reason to be mad at God, He gave her peace when the world gave her pain.

One of my friends posted a song this evening that I have on CD somewhere in this old house and it perfectly describes how I am dealing with the 3rd most common question. You look so strong how are you doing it? In this I can answer with Meredith's favorite verse. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

I am a fighter a warrior for God and I am still a child.


The video I linked behind it was Twila Paris The Warrior is a Child.

"I think its because he feels responsible for when Im sufffering, and he cant make it ok for me..."

I think this is it actually. He can't make it ok. He wants to though and can't let go if that. He doesn't understand that it's ok for me not to be ok.

Bump. Related to a current similar discussion.

I lost the person I was to spend my life with and now I had to deal with everything that comes my way without someone to shoulder my rough times. And I am lonelier because of it.

That is what I answered the other day. I did get a hug.