Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Posted a month ago that I'd taken a big step. Took off my wedding rings after 3 1/2 years. Decided it was time to go on with life.
Well, a couple of days ago I got sick. And the doctor looked about 16 years old. I had no confidence in her. Why couldn't I have been seen by an older person, someone who's been around and seen lots of weird things (I had a rash and headache).
After the appointment I went to the mall, and nearly passed out in the Apple Store. Everything started turning black, so I slid under the table to sit on the floor.
The staff were very nice, brought me water and talked to me until I recovered. All the way home, I cried. I miss my husband (he was doctor, so I never had to go to a clinic), I miss our old life, I still miss our house (I sold it and have regretted it ever since).
All this looooong story to say that I put my rings back on again. For comfort. I would not have even posted about this, except that I read a comment from somebody else on this site saying that she also took off her rings and put them back on several times. Just knowing that others are going through the same ups and downs is a comfort to me as well.
Love you all - could not get through this without you.
Well, a couple of days ago I got sick. And the doctor looked about 16 years old. I had no confidence in her. Why couldn't I have been seen by an older person, someone who's been around and seen lots of weird things (I had a rash and headache).
After the appointment I went to the mall, and nearly passed out in the Apple Store. Everything started turning black, so I slid under the table to sit on the floor.
The staff were very nice, brought me water and talked to me until I recovered. All the way home, I cried. I miss my husband (he was doctor, so I never had to go to a clinic), I miss our old life, I still miss our house (I sold it and have regretted it ever since).
All this looooong story to say that I put my rings back on again. For comfort. I would not have even posted about this, except that I read a comment from somebody else on this site saying that she also took off her rings and put them back on several times. Just knowing that others are going through the same ups and downs is a comfort to me as well.
Love you all - could not get through this without you.
Nessie from KY
We all have our ups and downs.
I am also not well today. I feel so exhausted and all I do is sleep. I have bad acid reflex. Some times I feel short of breath and I am very warm and sweaty. I think it is my sugar.
My doctor is going to do blood work. I go back to work tomorrow. Pray that I can stay awake.
So why don't you get under a nice warm blanket. Have a nice cup of hot chocolate, read a good book or call a friend. Rest- tomorrow will be a better day. Hugs
About the rings: I haven't worn my rings in years. I no longer way 105 lbs, and my fingers tend to swell. So I just didn't wear them. But, now, I miss my husband so much, I'm thinking of having them re-sized and wearing them again. I want that connection and that "married feeling."
I hope you are feeling better, Wendy.
DorothyJoan
I brought them to a jeweler. He is going to shape the into hearts and connect them. I can wear them as a necklace and have them with me always. Can't wait to get them back!
Maureen
For our 25th, he bought me an emerald ring for my right hand that looks like it could be an engagement ring. He used to say it reminded him of how engaged I was in life. It helped me get through my shocking loss. Just knowing how proud he was to have chosen something so special. At the time, neither of us could ever have imagined its significance or how much it would mean so much to me now.
One time I thought about switching hands, but thought I would then look like I was engaged, and there might be questions. For me at this point in time, taking them off, wearing them differently is not an option. May never be.
I have them on now.
It's been exactly 3.5 years today. That may have something to do with it. Dates affect me in ways I don't always notice.
Fern
I love the comfort my wedding ring brings to me. I do not wear the diamond engagement ring, but I love my gold wedding band...it represents everything I loved about my husband. In place of my engagement ring I wear my mother's gold wedding band. So I have two beautiful, meaningful gold bands that I wear together. My parents were married in 1943 and had a wonderful marriage, too.
I feel so not alone and crazy when I read that others made decisions (take off the ring) and then change back again (put it back on).
My rings are so dear as they are symbols of my husband's and my love (just like everyone else here). It feels weird to be without them, and yet only a month ago, I thought it best to take them off.
This roller coaster of emotions seems to be continuing, whether in trying to move forward, remembering good times, or falling back down that well of grief. At least we are riding the waves together.
Hugs to all.
As for my rings, I take them off, put them back on and off again and back on. It depends on my moods but most generally I do wear them because they have real meaning to me and my husband. I draw comfort from seeing them and remembering that they were given to me with love.
I do believe this is totally up to the individual, on, off, it does not matter .
Big hug and wish you well.